The other day, I really enjoyed this interview with social commentator and actress Brett Cooper from The Daily Wire. There's a lot to be found in this girl's story, her career changes and the integrity she seems to possess despite her young age (she just turned 23). One thing I particularly liked was, talking about her experience as a homeschool kid, she has no qualms about admitting that yes, she grew up a little weird.
It's a big talking point in the homeschooling debate - if I educate my kids, won't they miss a crucial social element that's present in public education? Won't they turn out a little unusual? Yes to both. However, I've never thought of those points as arguments against homeschooling.
While there is a lot of value in being exposed to the social dynamics of the schoolyard, I don't think it's a mandatory aspect of a child's rearing. We're seeing more and more mental health and behavioral issues with traditionally schooled children, not to mention that we are living through a crisis of loneliness and isolation among young adults, the majority of whom were schooled in the public system. To me, that only goes to show that while socializing in the schoolyard has its benefits, it's by no means an easy guarantee to getting an outgoing, confident, socially-agreeable kid.
(Well, actually I do believe traditional schooling rewards agreeableness and placidity, though I don't think that's what we want of future generations.)
What I liked about Cooper's confidence was that for a long time, the much-harangued homeschooling community has been running from that suggestion of weirdness in our children. No no, we try to argue, they're like everyone else. We're trying to blend in, so to speak, to minimize the perceived drawback that the mainstream makes homeschooling out to be. (And for good reason, in many countries in Europe, homeschooling can be a dangerous choice.)
Except. Of course your kids are gonna turn out unusual and different from the mass-educated kids. Because you're educating them as if they were individuals, something the public system is very bad at. Presumably, these kids are encouraged to a much greater extent to pursue their passions and interests and talents, which is not something that we see much of in the public, one-size-fits-all schooling tank.
So obviously they're going to be a little unusual. Now, the extent of that unusualness will likely depend on the type of schooling they received, with children growing up in unschooling families that deviate from the typical curricula leaning towards the more unusual end.
"Unusual" is not a bad thing.
"Who taught you to dance? No one, I made it up.
It's merely saying you're an individual. Which you are, and which children need to be reminded of firmly during these very important developmental years.
One other aspect that Brett was pointing out that I resonated with was the value of having children interact with people of ages other than their own, something you again don't really see in school, where the majority of the time, your kids are with other children of a similar social background, typically older or younger by only 1-1.5 years.
That's not nearly enough variety for a child's development. As Peter Gray points out in his groundbreaking "Free to Learn", this was one major benefit of hunter-gatherer societies where children were raised together with all the other children of the group, so there was a wide range of ages. And where older children were invited to participate in tasks alongside adults. It's undescribably useful for a child to interact with older children, which creates a hierarchy and family-like structure. It teaches kids to speak to and relate with children much older than themselves that they (in a traditional schooling system) would be intimidated and shunned by. It's also vital for older children to have young kids around them as it engenders responsibility, leadership, etc.
As a teen, I frequently found myself the youngest in a group, since I was involving myself in various workshops, courses and projects that typically involved adults (ranging from student-aged to retirees). It was hugely intimidating at first, coming from a traditional schooling background, but also very useful I thought for my social development.
I see a big difference here between myself and my peers who still, even in their mid-twenties, are interacting with older people as just that. Older kids. Not on an equal playing field at all, either showing them an undue and silly amount of reverence or otherwise dismissing them as "old".
That's not a mark of good social development, in my book.
I also see a lot of suffering in people my age arising from the need to conform, to belong. A lot of suppression of their truer selves perhaps, or else a stillbirth at that level. Having never been encouraged to develop their individuality, they conform quite easily, but there is a certain sense of absence in them. And how could there not be? Man's aim in life is to outline and flesh out that self.
So coming back to the socialization question that some people so haughtily throw in homeschoolers' faces, I'd say for one thing, I'd like to see some kids in traditional schooling who are individuated and actually socially well-integrated (which isn't to me just a large social clique to go to the mall with). For another, I don't see why homeschooled children would automatically become outcasts and fringe-dwellers. If it's worth doing, as a parent, it's worth doing right. If you want to home-educate your kids, it seems to me you should provide them also the social resources and outlets to mitigate that difference (which is all it is really). But that's not really a problem, most people I know in this sphere do that quite well. '
I think there's more loneliness to our lot, but I think that's also linked with what I was saying before. Children who are treated as individuals do tend to have a better sense of who they are, what they like and dislike and a diminished incentive to follow the herd. Of course it's going to be lonelier.
As a teacher myself, not sure how I feel about this one:
This is more a case against bad schooling, rather than for homeschooling - and most schools fail in quality if you ask me (which IS a case for homeschooling lol)
To an extent this is definitely desirable, especially now, where people have grown up instinctively understanding they can say whatever they want to anyone they feel like, safely behind a screen. Frankly, kids need to learn that there are real consequences to their behaviour, like being punched in the face by people bigger than you, rather than simply 'blocked'.
In a perfect world. A lot of this is survivorship bias though. I used to work with a homeschooled guy and he was great. A talented cellist, mathematician, charming, handsome, happily married and I think Christian. Everybody liked him. Points to homeschooling!
But on the flip side, a friend of one of my family members 'home school' their kid, by which it means they sit at home scrolling on an iPad and scream for whatever they want every day, and have fallen years behind in education standards to the point it's now impossible to integrate back into society, too scared to even go to the shops.
We don't often hear about those homeschooled 'weird' kids.
Being unusual, or usual, is perfectly fine either way to me. I certainly turned out very different despite being public schooled. But the dangers that come with homeschooling have to be addressed strictly, and there are one too many parents who think they can teach every subject all day, or their community can share the load and all happen to be scholars in education. In most cases, I doubt it.
This does happen in a good school - I work in one where Grade 9-12 all intermingle in classes. Sure, not adults, but teachers are encouraged to participate in sports, talent shows, etc too, definitely a start.
I think there's something to be said, good and bad, about both, and they're still evolving and changing to this day (for better or worse), seemingly society still hasn't quite figured out the right balance yet. It's tough!
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lt's of a great advantage when kids mingle and as well get close to people outside their age bracket, they are going to learn a lot, home schooling might make the children to get bored, unless social amenities are provided.