I can recall my ex-husband coming to me at one point, a few months after our divorce and asking what underwear I was wearing on that particular day.
This may seem like a somewhat inappropriate question - being that he was my ex, but we are all adults here and the reality of the situation as ANY two people who have been married will know – is that there is a connection of some sort that will forever remain… be it intimate, platonic or whatever.
me towards the end of our marriage
(For those that don’t know) My husband and I were together for eight years. There were many good times, but there were a lot more bad. I have blogged about a lot of that in my early days here on Steemit and I don’t care to get into it again… but in the interests of perspective for this particular post… I am going to make mention of a small fraction…
When I was approx. 6 months pregnant, I made the decision to start working from home as opposed to at our shop. I was doing the clients design work so it was possible for me to communicate via email and a lot easier for me to do such. In this time that I was away, he began having an affair with one of our customers. When it came down to the crunch two months after my sons birth – he walked out on us and pursued his relationship with her. We got divorced and that was the end of that. Yes, that is the very short version lol!
This was Jude and I probably days after he had walked out
I can remember the words of my father… ”mark my words my girl, I give him 6 months and he will be begging at your door – and don’t you DARE let him in”
Well as sure as apples fall off trees, it was almost 6 months to the day! he started messaging me telling me about all the problems he was having with “her” because she just “didn’t want to communicate about things with him” …
This was the part in the story where I got to enjoy a little bit of a karma laugh….
Ok ok, not the point. … moving along – I actually spent many afternoons with him in person advising him on their intimate relations as well as their relationship in general… yes, yes, I know – my friends shook their heads at me too - but hey – if we can’t forgive and move on, then what good are we?!
This was me at approx. that time... you can see I am not happy - but you CAN see the transformation starting... well I can anyway lol
Anyhooooooo….. so this “underwear” question came up!
Interestingly enough and having had to “process” my own hurts simultaneously… I had reached a point one day where feeling and looking like SHIT was no longer “doing it” for me! I had a good STERN talking to “myself” in the mirror and made a plan to get my act together! One of the first things I went out and did, was get a new wardrobe! – and that included new lingerie! Lol
I realised, that feeling sexy had absolutely NOTHING to do with ANY man! But had EVERYTHING to do with how I FELT about MYSELF! That moment was a Fncking REVELATION I tell you! No matter HOW CRAPPY I felt emotionally when I opened my eyes in the morning, I started making an effort to start making an effort! and after a little while, not only did it get noticed by others but I began to notice it myself – I was not only “looking good”, but I was FEELING good too!
I can remember this time in my life SO vividly! I felt like a dead flower being brought back to life!
There are relative degrees of EGO yes, but developing a healthy level of love, respect and appreciation for yourself is an entirely separate thing and is absolutely essential to each and every one of us!
Getting back to the ”What underwear are you wearing” question that was flipped in my direction by my ex – I laughed and responded with “Well, that really is none of your business – but I did just go and buy a whole array of new lingerie”
The response I got was
“Well all I have to look at here is granny panties”…
And that was yet another moment when I giggled to myself and thought,
“sigh – karma…. You BEAUT!”
You HAD a wife you dipshit! You cast her one side for a floozy who rejected you in the end anyway!
The primary difference between my ex and I now…
is that I have completely gotten over him and he has not.
Oh the circle of life...
I can recall my mother telling me to “never chase after a man” – and you know… whilst I heard those words in my 20’s and perhaps even into my early 30’s – I don’t think I ever really stopped to THINK about WHY she was telling me that!
As I stand here now at 38, I know! I will NEVER chase after a man!
Ladies, If a man wants you… like really wants you – then it is up to HIM to pursue you! And if he doesn’t… then he didn’t really want you to begin with ;) It really IS that simple!
A few years down the line and feeling like a human being again
Oh, and boys – the sexy underwear IS NOT always for you! IT is for OURSELVES TOO!!!! MKAY
It is a wonderful place to sit now, knowing a little bit more than I did when I was younger… Thank you mom and dad for those lessons! We are all SO quick to be "wise" in conversation - but taking a moment to listen to the knowledge and experience of those who have crossed our current bridges and a few others already would stand us ALL in very good stead! At the very least, we can be selective with the information imparted!
I hope that I can also return the favour to my son...
and that he listens, when it counts...
……
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
FOUNDER OF THE @STEEMITBLOGGERS
Oh, and if you wanna meet the
wannabe photographer in me...
Such heartfelt and honest writing @jaynie. Everything you said is so true. Looking good for yourself is the most beautiful gift you can give yourself. I also couldn't agree more with if he wants you he will make the effort. So many woman don't seem to grasp this concept very well.
Thank you hon! And yes you are quite right... but it took me many years to grasp it to... just glad I eventually did! Better late than never they say haha!
Hey Jaynie,
I think you’ve done a brilliant job raising @judethedude 🙂
Keep working hard, and don’t forget you’re an absolute asset to this platform.
MWAH!!!! Thank you!!! Simple words like that mean SO much to me! Thank you!!!
Not a problem 😉
I love reading you because you're always so authentic and real... and real.
Take it from an old dude, "sexy" is not a short skirt or "come hither heels" or "bad girl" makeup... it's an attitude, it's a way of being and carrying yourself. And it's often undefinable... like, you're an amazing mom to Jude, and that's sexy, too...
Whaaa....?
No, really. You have your priorities sorted out and in the right place.
Meh... it's way too complicated for me to explain here, in a short comment. Or even a long one.
But part of the core of it is that you're sexy for YOU, not for others. And that's awesome!
There are no words really fit as a response to a comment as beautiful as that @denmarkguy. Thank you so very much! It was a long and windy road, but I am ever glad I traveled it as it has taught me many great lessons!
I am so moved after listening to your story...your such a strong woman...I really really hope to be like you...it's a good thing you never let your ex back to your life...he does not deserve you any more...and your kid has grown up..love it...
I wish you and your son all success in life..you deserve a follow and upvote :)
Lots of love
Alice
Thank you honey!!!! MWAH! It has been a long road - and no doubt still many a turn ahead - but being able to see the lesson and humour in the ones we have already traveled is essential to our survival! xxx
I have a friend of mine who has a very similar story...so I can completely relate to your life...
You should check out my post...I am so sure that you are going to like it :)
Lots of love...
link pls hon ;)
https://steemit.com/life/@blog-fictions/love-me-or-hate-me-i-may-go-off-discord-for-a-while-but-i-will-love-you-all
Awesome thanks! I will check it out later today 🤗
Thanks :)
Hi dear Jaynie, I see this quote and decided to send it here for you:
We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.” by Kavita Ramdas
<3 <3
What a beautiful BEAUTIFUL quote!!! Thank you so much @greenleaves I really appreciate your kind thoughts towards me.
Your welcome :) <3
As a fellow divorcee after 8 years of marriage, I feel what you're laying down here. It's not easy, but you end up better for it. I've now got a supportive wife and 2 beautiful kids, so the pain was worth every second.
I can see, through your photos, how you've grown through your trials too, and, from what I can tell on a digital platform, you've done a wonderful job with your son.
Your posts are so powerful. Thank you @jaynie.
Thank you so much @steveblucher I really appreciate it! And yes, too true! As tough as it was at the time, I honestly would not change it for the world! It was a true blessing in disguise!
Have a wonderful Sunday and thanks for stopping by :)
Just imagine if you tell him you're not wearing any underwear and the priceless look that will come on to his face. Hey it doesn't have to be true but the joy of seeing his look of regret will be like twisting the knife. 😅
hahahahaha!!!! I SHOULD have done that @bigblueleadsled lol ;)
I love part never chase after a man, cool story.
;) true story!
Lol...😀😁 i once heard bout guys not chasing girls but rather money. and eventually the girls will flock round the dude once he's got cash to throw around.
Guys with cash are cool, sure, but men with love and respect for their wives are way better.
bingo!
yes... "GIRLS".... not women ;)
Well, i couldn't comnent first on this post which is cool by the way....i really heart you big time @jaynie you're indeed a strong woman. Wish u the very best in life. Less i forget, your kid is really cute👍👌
Thank you! :) And yes... he is adorable :D
howdy @jaynie! this is such a great post. the ex acted like a fool and now has to live with his miserable foolish self. And you get to laugh at his self-induced misery! ha! classic.
also, thanks so much for the resteem!
The wheel of life always turns full circle doesn't it hey @janton :) Thank you for the positive feedback and pleasure for the resteem :)
yes Ma'am and you are becoming more wise by the day!
if you keep increasing in wisdom at this rate, in a few years
the president will be calling for advice!
(and your ex will just flat out melt down into a pitiful puddle of "how could I have been such a fool" regret!)
Such a strong woman you are for not giving in and learning to love yourself first. The struggle a lot of women deal with. Feeling like we need the approval of a man to think we look good. Maybe thats just the way I used to think. I do know that it is nice to be truly complimented every now and then but the day that we can really accept those compliments are the days we walk out and say ' ya I look good today' and with confidence.
I have to say, you and your son have the same beautiful eyes <3
You know - that is SO damn true @foxyspirit. Once WE believe it ourselves is when things shift! Thank you so much for your kind words hon... they mean the world to me.
As for my son, well his eyes are FAR more gorgeous than mine, but then... I may just be a little bias hehehe ;)
hes your son so naturally you will find him more beautiful :P
oh the circle of life indeed lol :) as I was reading I couldn't help but relate in many ways SiStar. and this....this is just priceless truth....
Reiki Hugs!!
This Blog touched my heart and point wasn't that your husband wants to back with you.
The point that touched my heart that how a woman can engaged with a man after knowing that his wife is pregnant and his wife needs him (pointing your client). And how a man can end a 8 years happy married life within few months even he knows that he is going to be a father of a cute child..
And I appreciate your struggles after that but you never felt bad for him.
I wish that your life will go happy again. And both of you and your child is looking pretty good..
Everything happens for good in life, just enjoy and keep Steeming.
Love from India for a beautiful lady.
Posted using Partiko Android
Thank you so very much for your kind words of encouragement. They truly are appreciated.
Not only are you strong, you are beautiful!!
Congrats on all your successes!!
Handsome son as well!!
Thank you so much @paradise-found :) and yes, Jude is already very popular with the ladies, young and old lol.... good luck to me in a few years haha!
Wow this gave me goosebumps - you look stunning now - You go girl and your son will benefit from your outlook on life - my mom and me have similar story and we just thrived with our second chance in life.
Thank you so much @alishi - Yes, I could not agree more! It may have been the most incredibly difficult thing I have ever had to walk myself through, especially with a newborn baby and being a first time mom and having to continue running a business as well... BUT - I would not change any of it for the world, because I am so happy with my life as it is now, and EVER grateful that I (and my son) are not stuck in that toxic situation :)
Thank you so much for your lovely comment hon xxx
via GIPHY
MWAH!
Thank you for sharing such a heart warming piece.
Self love is the best love of all.
If we can't fully love ourselves, then how can we teach our children to fully love themselves?
Thank you @mumma-monza for sharing this beautiful piece.
#steemitmamas
That is so very true @steemitmamas!!!! and thank you too @mumma-monza for your support. Much love to you both!
I was truly touched by reading this piece. What a journey and such an important lesson of the importance of self-love and care. I couldn't help but share such a story.
YES to female empowerment!! I 100% agree with you that sexy underwear isn't just for men! We wear it because it makes US feel good!! And why can't we celebrate our amazingness?? Loving ourselves is super important!!
PS - this was the first time reading about your divorce and I'm so sorry that you had to go through what you did. But I am so amazed at your resilience and strength - I honestly don't know how you were able to be civil with him AND give him advice with his relationship?? Wow, you deserve a trophy girl!
You're such an inspiration for women everywhere! Thank you!!
Wishing you all the best <3
#steemitbloggers
Brilliant post as always @jaynie
You clearly have done an amazing job of coming through that period of your life. Self respect and self esteem are not automatic; sometimes I struggle with it too, but you seem to have a grasp of it now and can project the positive self image that you want people to see.
Keep doing what your doing!
Gaz
Thank you @cheese4ead :) Yes, I suppose in many respects it is an ongoing journey! :)