Aye aye. Here's someone oo looks like they like boons!
Bellowed the Bear Man in his thick Northern English accent, as I entered his Beer shop.
I looked askance at him.
I beg your pardon?
Said I in my finest posh Scottish voice. Which kind of sounds like Gerard Butler gargling some of Sean Connery's jizzum.
Boons! Eh! You like boons?
Despite the Bear Man's jolly demeanour there always seemed to be an implied threat in his words when he spoke to me.
I mean, what the fuck was a boon? I had merely popped in to buy some funky beers for the weekend. Not to be challenged on my love for the alleged boons. Whatever they were...
Wait, did he mean Baboons? Was he calling me a monkey fucker? Fuck, how did he know about that?
Boons?
I enquired as I sidestepped the till which for the moment was restraining his large frame.
Aye lad. Boons. You look like you like a good boon!
This was getting wearisome.
What's a boon?
The Bear Man looked affronted. As if I had tickled his wife's knee with an albatross feather.
Boons?! You know... Booooons.
He said this slowly and clearly as if I were a Spaniard and he, a British tourist attempting to be understood.
I gave him a watery smile and nodded in the way that you would to an idiot with too many teeth.
Boons.
I said reassuringly scanning the nearby shelves for a sturdy bottle with which to bosh him with if he suddenly leapt at me with his meaty hands.
Bear Man threw his hands up despairingly.
Boons! You know, like em little cakes.
His eyes lit up.
Cinammon boons! You like a cinammon boon?
Realisation dawned on me.
Oh wait, you mean Buns. Cinammon Buns!
Aye, ya daftie. What did you think ah meant? Boons! Anyway, you like em?
He leered at me. I felt my Auntie's purse tighten defensively. So he meant buns. Oh, oh. Did that mean he wanted to drag me in the back like a rotten log and cuff me to a radiator for dubious night-soil fun?
I stepped a couple of paces further away from him and pointed a sternly raised eyebrow at him. An eyebrow that spoke of ancient battles with his kind on muddy fields of blood.
He wasn't put off.
Slowly he navigated his large belly around the till and lifted a foreboding hand toward me.
I flinched. Was this it? Was I to be beaten and sold to the Russians as a novelty buttock bicycle rack?
I realised I had my eyes closed.
BOONS!
Roared the Bear Man.
I squeaked an eye half open.
There before me in his meaty hand was a black can of something. The writing on it obscured by his big sausage'y fingers.
He nodded for me to take it and I extended a wobbly hand out to his.
He pressed the can into mine. It was warm.
I peered at it with one eye, the other eye keeping a watch on the Bear man in case this was a ruse to make me lower my guard. The other eye twitched in its lair awaiting the command to attack.
Cinnamon Bun Beer
Read the writing on the can.
Oh. Cinnamon Bun Beer... That sounds quite funky. Yes, go on, I will have that one please.
I said as my nerves ceased to jangle.
See, I knew you looked like a man oo liked the Boons.
I nodded.
Yes.I do like the Boons.
By any chance is that for tomorrow? A boon beer testing maybe. I thought all bottle stores were owned and run by Indians with turbans. Must be a posh bottle store you go to or did the Indians not make it to Scotland because it gets too cold.
I go to a very posh specialist!!
The man is mad for beer! And yes. Tomorrow the cinnamon bun beer gets it debut!!
I like boons.
(Shittiest boon comment ever! Sorry...)
It's a boon to me!
seen your shit and raised it :0D
I have boons for brains today.
Add long as they don't go baa!
That would suck to have sheep for brains.
Should make it easier to drop off at night though. You could just count them!
I don't think I have enough up there.
Have to love a happy ending. I think I also like the boons, accompanied by some firm buns of a willing nature :)
!tipuvote 0.05
I think I like that too, hurrah for boons!
I certainly like the Boons or the Buns should I say. You should be thinking negative about the Bear man. I think that he is a nice man despite the voice and the size. Hahahaha! Upvoted!
He is quite a nice chap really, very helpful!
Lol. Accents. They get you all the time.
Hehe, they really do!!
Oooooh that sound divine - I like myself some boons also ... I think if I must ever visit Scotland I will get in so much trouble for understanding people wrong.
You never know, you might understand all of the stuff so much better after reading my nonsense :0)
O yes that is also true and go around peering in to dark alleys looking for aliens and what not hahaha
Someone had to keep a sharp eye out for that!
So, Meesterboon, wondering if this cinnamon boon can also be a breakfast boon? could be a good fix for tough Sunday mornings.
It might make the day more entertaining, that's for sure. It's quite strong!!
We will see on Saturday how many boons the boons get.
We will indeed, I am mightily intrigued by it!
Ah, the bear man.
Though I'd think by this point you'd understand how bad his accent is.
Well. That's a novel idea.
Half mast? Three quarter mast? Full mast? (Never!!)
Straight up to full!! There is an ancient enmity between our kind!
No powder in the pouch? You didn't save any baccy?
Not a bit was spared, all out of powder!
Now how are you supposed to powder your face for the good lady?
You also need it for when you go on camera tomorrow.
I use various tinctures, all of which I prepare fresh which are certainly not to be confused with my fighting powder!
Cheap Booooons!!!:)
Look!!! Boone's!!!! :0D
Lol!!!:)
Is it the return of the Bear Man!? Should we expect a plethora of furry beers? Haven't they gone into hibernation yet?? So many questions, so little time?
I frantically hope that some of the Bears have fit in future, it will match my tongue the next day!!
He does sell the strangest kinds of bear.
He sells the most magnificent bears in Scotland!
I always thought a boon was like a reward...I guess we'll find out tomorrow if your boon is worthy of that title, haha, cinnamon boon beer does indeed sound good!
I am very hopeful that it will be but with these beers its always 50/50, it has a great potential to be a shitter!
While you're drinking that, I'll be in the Rochester Armory watching this:
And of course drinking too, haha, my cousin is fighting in the amateur competition tomorrow evening, my brother and I are dragging my mom to this, oh this is going to be great!! Probably post about it Sunday, unless I'm still recovering than Monday ;)
Hot damn lady! That is going to be an awesome night! Go your cousin!! He will win by a country mile I am sure of it!
So, super disappointing, turns out Cody's opponent for the fight is a total wuss, broke a rib in his last practice Friday night and forfeited, ha, well we considered going anyway but our DD's, mom and my sister in law, backed out since they were only going to support Cody blah blah. Ah well, he'll reschedule and one of these days I'll get to see it :) Still cool to hang out with family for the weekend.
What a dang woos!! That's rubbish. I bet the only thing that broke was his nerve!!
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I like big Boons and I cannot lie.