My daughter is eight, and I am already the most annoying person in her world. Most parents would likely be pretty upset at this, but I am wearing it as a badge of honor, because the girl has to learn how to deal with frustrating people who get under her skin. Without any siblings to teach her the rules of engagement, it is going to have to be me.
I am up to the challenge.
I find it a bit of a conflict that people will say that they think young people face all of these strange new challenges that older generations don't understand, but at the same time, don't look at building skills in the young on how to cope with them. Rather than learning how to deal with annoying people, they are getting trained to complain to an authority. Rather than learning how to deal with interpersonal conflicts, they are being told to get an authority to step in. But, at what point does a child learn the necessary skills of an adult, if they are continually being insulated from the experiences required, the training grounds for these skills?
We are thinking about sending our daughter to a music school in the future, because not only does she exhibit some early talent and a lot of interest, she would also thrive more in a place where other children are enthusiastic about learning. There are only a handful of such children at her school now, and even she recognizes the impact the others are having on her learning, and how she feels about school.
She has to audition to get into this school though, and they don't take many kids, so we aren't getting our hopes up that she will be selected. But, in order to have a chance, she is going to have to improve a few aspects of her musical skill base, which includes singing. Don't tell her I said so, but my wife is a pretty good singer, and I like listening to her sing when she actually puts some effort in - but I am shockingly bad. This surprises some people who know me, because according to them, I have a speaking voice that they feel should be able to sing.
I disagree strongly with their opinions on my voice.
But, putting my inability aside, Smallsteps is the only person I will sing to, and I have been singing a handful of songs to her since she was born. This is definitely not the right voice to rolemodel, but I decided early on that I would put my shame aside and show her that regardless of how good or bad, it is still possible to overcome the embarrassment and do it anyway.
Since starting the piano at the start of the year, she has slowly been putting more intention into her singing, and now that she has decided that she wants to tryout for the other school, she has doubled-down and has been putting more practice in. To support this, I decided to surprise them the other week with a Karaoke speaker and some mics, which they have loved. The only problem is, that the unit I bought was malfunctioning, so I took it back and exchanged it - and the new one doesn't work properly either. So, back to the drawing board on that.
However, to compliment the speakers, I signed up for a Karaoke trial subscription to get access to a host of songs. There are a few out there of varying price and quality, as well as some free ones, but the challenge is getting a good enough list in Finnish. The one I signed up for is Finnish based, so they have a very good list for them to play with, as well as a lot of English music. And in the last couple days, they have both been spending time together singing, and I have even joined in singing a bit at times too.
What is great to see is that Smallsteps has already started improving in various ways, where her voice is strengthening, but also her ability to follow the words has also improved. Kids tend not to be able to speak clearly at speed, but singing can help a lot with their elocution. So, her reading ability has advanced, as has her clarity of voice and I am hoping that regardless of whether she gets into the school or not, she will be interested in developing one of an individuals most potent tool - her voice.
Voice quality is often overlooked, because people overestimate the value of what is being said instead. However, so much of the communication power can come through the way something is said and the tone of how it is said, that people should really spend time considering how they can best use their own voice. And, while there is value in the singing voice quality, there is also a lot of value in just understanding the way to project voice, or combat negative quirks.
For instance, there are people whose voice gets nasal and weak when they are talking to someone they perceive as higher status than themselves, like they are deferring to them. Or, they are unable to take the bitterness out of their voice when talking about someone they dislike. The emotion comes through the voice far more clearly than the words used. Being able to control ones voice in different emotional states is useful. As to is being able to recognize the changes in tone in others, when their own states change.
Singing though is one of the areas where I can't add much instructional value to the conversation. At least, I can't give any technique tips to aid her. I hope my wife will help her advance, but I am not sure she knows either. But, if she ends up going to a music school, she will be able to get coaching, as well as explore more instruments in an environment of kids that are keen to improve themselves also.
We are heavily influenced by the people we associate with. Whether children or adults, if we find something that we want to improve at, it is a good idea to surround ourselves with people looking to improve similarly. And perhaps that also indicates how many things we can improve at simultaneously - but that can be another article sometime later.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Are people legit telling their kids to immediately appeal to authority when there's a problem rather than have you tried talking about it/providing possible lines of inquiry/talked to someone else about it as maybe they know something you don't know about why person is acting this way/why that happened etc and only bringing in a mediator or "higher power" when that fails?
Weird.
Anyway good luck with the music school, hope she gets in :D
I have the same problem with my son at school they often pick on him he doesn't like to fight he is very peaceful my partner and my brother insist on teaching him to box and I don't think I solve a problem with violence, but at the same time I feel that if I don't let him I disown him the father's word they are very calm men, but if you bother them you will know what violence is I like to sing and dance I even got to sing in a band choir my best wishes to Smallsteps
Perhaps boxing might not help the picking on, but perhaps it teaches discipline on how to respond. Emotional control is far rarer than physical strength.
What is your favorite type of music to sing, and what is your favorite type of dance?
I think it's a good idea to sing her 'I come from the land down under'... You know, cultural heritage and all that ..
I gave her some vegemite once. Her face....
LoL
IKR
What a good think-over on one of the most important aspects of human interaction: The voice! I don't love my voice, but I think that is very common because of the voice that you hear is completely different from the one that the other hear (since the sound waves use our skull has a conductor to our inner ear besides the air - I believe that is the simplified explanation of that "phenomenon"), and my singing is even lousier... And couple of months ago, I came cross with some short videos from a former magician Vinh Giang, that realized that most of the communication is passed through our voice, and postural tone. One of my favorite phrases from him is: "Adversity is your greatest competitive advantage." I believe that virtually nothing comes easy, well maybe except a simple smile, but apart from that, we have to learn some skills to upgrade has human being.
Love to see the improvement in Smallsteps and that I hope that she can enter in the music school.
Have a great Sunday
I hear squeakiness when I play mine back, and I dislike it a lot. I have to do a fair amount of recording for videos. It sucks! But, people seem to enjoy it - sickos.
I like this. I have never said it so eloquently, but I agree. The things that have the most value in our personality, have generally come from the hardest times in our lives.
Thanks for the insight!
I'm the one that is thankful to your post! I love to read your thoughts and reflections and the majority of them always connected with a daily life event that you experienced.
Have a great week, Taraz :)
I used to do karaoke with the kids at school once a year and I actually found that if you remove the vocals kids don't know how to handle it. I realized at least most kids want to actually sing along with the song versus just singing it. Obviously, that isn't the case here. Just as long as she still has contact with normal people. She's probably going to run into far more of those in her life than advanced people.
I think it is the same for Smallsteps at this point, because she doesn't have enough knowledge on how the song should sound from the words alone. Though, it is pretty incredible at how much she has improved in the last few days.
I can only imagine. Kids minds are so adaptive at that age. I can sense your pride!
I can vocalize nicely but I sing awfully. I feel you!
Is it lack of practice, or lack of potential?
Probably both, I can listen to music and understand music theory, even learn a song on guitar or piano if it is basic enough, but the voice is another story.
It seems that her career will be built on music, an instrument player or perhaps a singer. Does she really want it?
Not sure what she will want in the future, but she really enjoys playing music and signing. Has for years already, but we only started piano lessons this year.
I hope smallsteps gets accepted. My niece started singing classes about a year ago and it definitely improved her singing. It also gave her more confidence to not only sing, but to sing in front of others. Karaoke at home is a good idea in practicing and strengthening her singing voice.
Has it improved her confidence in general? Smallsteps is very shy a lot of the time.
I think it did in some way. She is confident when talking in person or a small group, but has been shy when in front of many people. But after taking singing classes she has really started to be herself even in large groups.
Sometimes I watch Steve Austin's Broken Skull Challenge. Humans are capable of awesome things. But for me singing is as impossible as beating that guy's record for beating the challenge. And he seems to be a superhuman so...
Would be great to be that fit! Though, I am not sure why :)
Apparently in his childhood he was using drugs and nearly overdosed. interesting how much humans can change.
In my personal experience as an early 80s baby who barely straddles the line of a millennial, there is a ridiculous amount of gaslighting by the boomers when the younger generations try to talk to them about the systemic problems with... the late capitalist system.
But they haven't a care in the world as they are set to enjoy a life of retirement, many from a generation rich with pensions and real estate that future generations can only dream of. Just not enough meat on the bone when the old money eats up so much of the meat.
Speaking of meat on the bone, I particularly like this 5yr-old barbaric Spanish flick if you want something to watch for spooky season. Genius!
The Plarform
Hahahaha they have nothing to do with each other. I love karaoke!
How rewarding. I come from a long line of yappers, so a gift of gab is nothing new. I might be an average+ singer, but I sure don't let it stop me. With my piano background, I'm decent at holding a key. Good Luck Smallsteps!!!
At 8 she might change what she wants many times before she is 11 like our daughter. I have seen many things come and go between these ages.
This was a golden nugget:
I have raised multiple children, and these are some of the most valuable skills I see them having or lacking.
Life is hard, so you must be harder.
I learned to work hard and deal with assholes. It made me who and what I am…
But I shielded one of my kids and they were eaten alive until they figured out how to cut and run, and when to stick it out.
No one is coming to rescue you.
You must save yourself.