Learn from your mistakes
Smallsteps was playing the piano tonight and was getting frustrated as she was trying a new piece and couldn't get it right. This is an area that she struggles with at times, where she become impatient at her own mistakes, and I am trying to teach her that it is part of the process. I told her it is okay to make mistakes and she chimed in,
because that is how you learn!
Yes. But it isn't quite enough.
Making the mistake isn't the lesson, but it provides an opportunity for a lesson to take place. In order to learn from mistakes, it requires a little reflection on what went wrong, but most importantly, it also requires trying again, trying something different. Making the mistake isn't enough, in the same way that learning from other's mistakes doesn't work if we don't make an attempt at all.
Making mistakes is part of life, but we also have to understand what is a mistake because we did it wrong, or what was a mistake because we did it correctly, but the timing wasn't right. We also have to learn that part of the learning is how to get over making a mistake and to try again, not just to correct it, but to build the resiliency to dust ourselves off.
The problem is that a lot of us, myself and Smallsteps included, fear making mistakes, which means that we won't make an attempt, so that we don't get access to the opportunity for a lesson to take place. There are likely many reasons for this including personality, but I know that for me, one of the reasons is that when I was young I knew I didn't have the support in case I fell, so I just didn't try because I couldn't afford the costs. Or at least, I felt I couldn't afford the cost of failure.
This held me back from a lot of things I wanted to try.
Smallsteps is a lot like me, but one thing is different with her, and that is she has parents that are going to support her. Support - not spoil. There is a big difference between being supportive for growth, and being supportive for protection. Some parents will protect their children so much, that they never learn how to fail, never learn the discomforts of the world, never learn how to recover.
It doesn't raise healthy adults.
The lessons don't have to be hard, they just have to be consistent, which requires ramping up challenge to force errors. It is like getting better at anything, where once we have mastered one level, to improve we have to go onto the next. And as said, this process doesn't just improve the target skill like playing the piano, it also builds the group of skills and attitudes around learning anything.
As a parent, watching children go is awesome and often, watching them fail is a bit painful. However, seeing them overcome their failures, seeming them conquer their fears, and seeing them build a skillset that they are proud of, that is their own, that they can apply to their world and make their experience better, is amazing.
It is good to remember though, that we have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes at any age, but what often happens is that as we get older, we try less new, because we become satisfied with what we are now. But are we really satisfied, or are we just still scared of failure?
I know which it is for me.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
I would point out that the other problem we have is that we aren't willing to see the lesson until it is either too late or we have suffered too long. It's that whole wisdom with age thing. I just wish we could recognize and apply those instances more immediately.
Wisdom with age - Do you ever think that the age is important because of the experience along the way, and that a lot of people aren't getting broad experience now, but are instead curating their consumption to avoid those "mistakes" ?
I guess that could be. I just think at a base level people are stubborn and not willing or ready to see the bigger picture. At least not right away.
Just as you said that words are just words, little weight should be put on mistakes that have little expense. I have been taking a lot of risks over the last couple of years (calculated risk), and it seems to be paying off for now. Girls are probably harder to fool than boys, but I played a good one on my son. He was helping carry groceries in and saying how heavy the bag was and placed it on the ground. I was like dude, "you know, each time you lift something, you get a little bit stronger." After that he tried lifting it again, and was like "you're right dad." He proceeded to show me how strong he was getting with each bag. Luckily, he's only five. I'll have to be more clever in the future.
lol - one of my joys is finding ways to "trick" my daughter into learning something useful, because she misunderstands enough still :D
Calculated risks toward a goal, are part of the process. Too many people think taking "risks" means being random.
Learning from one's mistakes is a very big thing that children need to learn. Not only does it help them improve, but it helps build character. I agree that you should let them work on it alone, with just a few guiding nudges along the way.
It is tough to watch someone you love make so many mistakes! :D
I can understand. But it feels great to see once they overcome the hurdle and improve from their own effort.
Since I was a child I had this 'rule' that says that is ok to make as many mistakes as possible, as long as they are not the same. Fail often but differently every time. Never fail in the same way twice. Failing is a part of the learning process, and we should not be afraid of failure.
I think it was because I read a story, true or not, about Edison trying and failing to make a light bulb more than a hundred times, but each time different. That 'each time different' stuck with me.
I feel that because of the way we create and consume content, we have become more repetitive, which makes us less likely to make mistakes, but more likely to to miss lessons.
Mistakes is part of life and no matter how careful we can be in our lives, we are still gonna make mistakes. The best thing is to always learn from it so we don’t make the same mistake again
What do you consider the biggest mistake and learning event for you?
I think as we grow older we tend to make less mistakes. That is why older ones are mostly perceived as wise, due to the plethora of experiences they have. We learn from failure, and the wise ones make the mental note and decision to not make it next time since life is a series of related events.
Hence as we grow older we make fewer mistakes.
Listen to your elders, and learn from them, but know that not everything they advise is suitable as they advise it for today's world. But, in there somewhere, there is the core lesson.
We have to learn to fail in order to succeed!
Fail every day!
Dear @tarazkp !
I think everyone is afraid of making mistakes!
However, I don't know which mistake I fear most!
What mistake are you most afraid of now?
Probably my biggest fear right now is that @tarazkp will be mad at me for my awkward English!😄
I fear not doing enough to help my daughter in the right way.
Dear my bro @tarazkp !
I think you have sacrificed a lot for your family! I believe that your happiness is the greatest gift to your daughter.