Remember watching Discovery channel? When a fawn (baby deer) walks into an unknown territory and she is suddenly surrounded by a group of hyenas? Remember the palpable tension in the air when your inner being's praying for the fawn to be safe? "DANGER, you have stalkers"- your mind, body and soul screams, so much so, that it could break the TV screen and reach the poor animal.
I feel a girl has pretty much become a fawn in today's circumstances. We need to understand that she's a human, so let's treat her like one.
Experienced a similar feeling as I glanced through the DM (Direct Message) section of a friend's instagram. I can't name my friend for privacy reasons, so let's call her ''A''.
Some Background on "A"
A is this beautiful female friend of mine who resides in Mumbai and is an actress. She'd come to my city Hyderabad to screen test for a role in a big Tollywood multi-lingual film. Because she's attractive, it's obvious that she's the cynosure of all eyes when she enters a room. She's ambitious, has a fiery streak and an endearing smile that reflects warmth and genuineness.
Back to the topic
A is sitting across the dining table having her breakfast. She tells me how her followers have increased from 2,000 to 2,3000+ in a matter of 2 days. All this, thanks to the Hyderabadi guys finding her profile on Tinder and then inboxing her on Instagram. She's amused at some of the texts she's reading and tells me to go through her DM's. As soon as I held the phone, a message pops up with a guy describing her assets and how beautiful she is.
I scroll through. Close to 125+ DM's from "stranger" guys. The DM's had all the ingredients - some desperate, some horny, some unfunny, some downright creepy, some oversmart and the others lecherous in their description. If there were a Cringe-o-Meter, it'd look exactly like my face on reading the DM's.
It wasn't funny after a while. From harmless "Hi's" and "you look hot", the messages transitioned to unfunny pick-up lines and volunteering to show her the city if she's feeling lonely. I felt uncomfortable just holding her phone in my hand and seeing "sexual objectification" reach a whole new zenith. That discomfort is why I am writing this post and if it can even bring one guy in line to behave, then the motive for me to write this has been achieved.
5 Rules of social-media Etiquette that she wants you to know
RULE 1 - Just because she's beautiful, it does not mean you're entitled to take cheap shots at her. Do not pass comments that are crass & objectify her.
RULE 2 - If she replies "Thankyou" to a compliment, does not mean that she wants to get laid with you or she'll accept whatever you throw at her next. It's called being polite. That's all she's doing.
RULE 3 - Just because you dropped a message, doesn't make her liable to reply. You wrote a text and that was your choice. She read the text and didn't reply. That's her choice. Do not keep bombarding her with multiple texts if she doesn't reply. Get it straight. No means NO.
RULE 4 - You don't stalk her if she's in another city and repeatedly keep texting her, asking if she "needs a good friend". Show me one person in human history who needs a bad friend. What the fuck is a good friend? What goodness can you provide other than your shameless libido on display and a rocket that can't stay inside your pocket? Who are you? A spiritual guru who'll enlighten her like Sadhguru? Unless, you're that, don't bother.
RULE 5 - If she didn't notice you on Tinder, be sure as hell she doesn't want you on her Instagram either. There's this new trend in which, when a girl doesn't swipe our millennial despo on Tinder, he takes to Instagram to remind her of his amazing existence and harasses her with a million texts. If she wanted to swipe right on you, then trust me buddy she would have swiped without you begging her to do so. And if you've dropped a text and she's seen it but didn't reply, then STOP. Right there. Do not climb the peaks of Mt. Creepimanjaro.
Conclusion
To see such educated yet "illiterate" guys target my friend's profile like hungry hyenas was disappointing. It made me feel ashamed of my gender (not all, but the scarily desperate majority). Because if this is what a girl goes through every fucking second in today's times, then I'd rather not have a daughter.
Because if I do, I know I'll be spending more time - in jail beating up the badly brought up buffoons hitting on her than at home parenting her. Be the guy you want your sister/daughter to be surrounded by.
Attention is good. Everybody enjoys it. That's why social media platforms exist. To make us feel good about our shallow selves. But to confine a full grown human to a piece of meat you want to consume, relish and spit out owing to your hormones? That's not what a girl, guy or any person craves for. So, surprise her!
Be the scarce specie we call, a "gentleman".
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : https://thewanderingvegetable.com/she-is-a-human-treat-her-like-one/
I think a lot of people today are detached from the fact that they are dealing with real people. All they see is profiles and pictures so it doesn't occour to them that at the other end is a real person with feelings and thoughts.
I guarantee that if they met the same person in the street they wouldn't dream of taking the same approach because they would know it's not right. I don't really bother with any of those apps as i don't have the interest in texting random people i will probably never meet. Instead i actually go outside and go to pubs with my friends and meet real people. When i do i find it so sad to see how many people are more interested in their phone rather than enjoying whats right there in front of them.
Virtual world has taken over real life. And agreed, people wouldn't say half the things they do online, if they were to face the same person in real. It's an observation in general that people are less involved in enjoying the present themselves but are rather interested in sharing it with the others who have got nothing to do with their personal lives other than give a few likes and comments.
But social presence has become a status symbol and unless we as people realise nothing beats the charm of real life and being in the moment, things will remain as they are. I myself encourage a no-phone clause when in groups or hanging out with a person.
I'm not old but i am old school. At least where i grew up in the countryside it was all about the people. Maybe that's why i don't have the same addiction to the phone as a lot of the people i now live with in the city. At home you knew everybody and everybody liked to have a chat.
If you went to the shop you would meet ten people. The local team was always the focal point of the town so we all went to the games.
Everything was really geared towards people and the community so i guess even when i left that was still my mentality. If it wasn't for steemit i would have very little online interaction at all. It's about the only social site that i use.
I know that in today's world your social presence is your status but im fairly sure that it's not a good thing for the next generation. Time will tell but a whole age of people being raised on what is on their screen can't be a good thing.
It's good that you aren't addicted to the mobile phone. People today barely speak to each other and re constantly on their phone. That bugs me. Not talking to new people, not having a conversation, are not signs of socialising. As much as social media is a social platform, all it's doing is isolating people.
People will eventually come to the realisation that Life > Likes. Then, everything will be normal. I hope the future generation is saner. I barely see kids today play outside. Everybody is on their ipads and iphones. It's scary. Thank god I had a normal childhood.
That's why i always enjoy talking to tourists over here. They always seem surprised by how friendly the people are and the willingness to talk to strangers.
Meeting different people on a night out is always entertaining. They are full of new stories and perspectives. Having your old friends is great but you will run out of things to talk about unless you add a few new people to the mix.
True that. Where do you live?
I'm from ireland. Grow up on the west coast in a small town.
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