And there she is with that genuine smile while I'm here stuck on those times where I was once the reason behind it. 2 am. This is one of those nights again. I swept my phone's screen upward as I dared to scroll pass your recent post, trying to move forward in any way possible. But how can I? When you became blood that crawls within my veins and the air that I intake. I must not lie, not being with you feels like bleeding without mortal death. Without you means forgetting how to breath. Losing you would be all compiled thoughts in anxious psyche, haunting and terrifying-- but I just did. I lost you.
And the moment that you're gone, flashbacks went pouring like a film of our past such as the first time we met- reminiscing those tantalizing eyes I would never forget that made me held back from leading the camp group and l wish it'll hold me now too- from moving on. Because as much as I should, the less that I wouldn't want to- but I must. That would mean photographs would be caged in memories and your voice would be hidden behind my casket, so I could play how annoying you get when you want it your way, how loud you were when you found a great angle out of nowhere and how you say you loved me- and mean it.
I lost myself the second I knew that I lost you. Weren't we supposed to only pass this wilderness? Together? But you chose to stay. "What if she'll be lost more?" the heart-centered side of me spoke. I hope that I'm wrong for I doubt that you will find your way back- but I'm praying that He will. I'm desperately praying that somehow, He'll lead you back home and win the battle you gave up when you're with me. We were like two warriors in the battlefield, both scarred and wounded; exhausted and bleeding. Yet, the only difference is that- I fought for you, for us- until the last drop of my blood.
Credits to Ashley_zurdo
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