Today I went back to the area that I called home for five years. I moved across the city to be there. Local shops still line the streets but something has changed, and all day I’ve been stuck wondering, is it the town or is it me. No doubt both have changed, but I am wondering how much of my love for that town was built on the misjudgment that the sense of community was felt universally throughout the streets.
Is it the fact that the old market in the center has been torn and replaced with an empty parking lot despite the fact that the roads are so small that cars barely pass through? Is it the fact that aside from three spots, I have nowhere in particular to go? Is it the that I essentially need to spend money in order to sit down anywhere, that I feel a kind of pressure to consume?
The first shop I went to was warm and welcoming, which is why I went there first. It’s a blend of Filipino and Japanese food, run by two local women and one of their Filipino husbands. We have lots to talk about. Our politics and ideas about the world are not very different, the only difference is that they are all ten years older than me and have children. I was introduced to the new member of the team who is also community oriented and wants to show me around another part of town which has many people who are into the idea of sustainability. We all talked for about four hours and the food was as incredible as I remember.
After that...I wasn’t really sure where to go. There are a bunch of bars and cafes I used to frequent. Half of them are gone and the other half....well....
I went into one place because I saw someone I knew. It was nice talking to him, a used clothing seller and enthusiast. The experience of being back there made me realize that it was just a place to hang out and meet people, which in itself is nice, but is nowhere near as fulfilling as meeting people who have a shared sense of purpose and worldview, which I have since discovered.
The next place was even worse. When I told the owner of the third shop that I was spending the last two years working part time and writing, he basically teased me for being a lazy bum who doesn’t know how to work. It didn’t hurt but it sure didn’t make me feel at home. I think he regretted saying it because he could see how I didn’t really know where to take the conversation from there. A joke is a joke, sure, but I have passion for what I do and a joke was all he could respond with. The awkward thing about it is that he owns a bar, he is like me, not good at wearing a suit and having a boss, but perhaps to fit in with all his customers, who are working full time for companies, he feels he has to belittle anyone above 30 who calls themselves an artist and isn’t famous. Once again, didn’t take it to heart, just didn’t have much to say after that.
I ate at a place I used to go to a lot, all the staff was new, I never knew the owner there either so there was no one to reminisce with, lots of shops are probably like that.
I’m stuck here wondering, was community and a shared sense of purpose essentially just an important thing to the friends I made in the first shop, or have many of these old neighbors given up on all that, as people in their late twenties and early thirties often do? The shops all just look like businesses to me now. The place that was the first place I called home no longer felt like home. At least I still have a few friend here and there and a doorway into new possibilities. It’s funny though, I don’t think I’ll be spending very much time at that little village that used to feel like paradise.
That's really interesting @whatamidoing. I look forward to hearing how the rest of your experience in Japan is, especially as you'e wanted to return there so much.
Hope you have a fun weekend! 😊
:-D I hope i have time to write about it, I've been meaning to update much more but things keep popping up and I keep finding people I want to meet up with. I plan to come home at 7 pm and end up on the last train at midnight...every day
This reminds me of how I felt in Madrid, last February, after not having been there since 2009. I too wondered if it was me that had changed a lot or the city itself. Probably both. Although, like you say, the past is the past / a dream and everything is changing all the time, so expecting things to still be the same is just not logical or 'fair', I guess.
I hope you find your place soon and am looking forward to reading up on your adventures. Try to enjoy the now whenever you can, it's the only reality ;>)
Yeah, in the end whether the city changed or whether it was me that changed, it's really the same thing, so it's just picking apart something that doesn't need to be picked apart, it's just fascinating!
no matter what, being fascinated by things is always a good approach. Isn't that exactly what ( young ) kids do all the time? It's the right approach to level up. Treat life as the constant learning curve - a continuing experience - that it really is :>)
There are very few places in the world today that have been untouched by the corroded morality that has become so pervasive. Right now I hope that what ever can be preserved will be, so that at least we can get back to it somehow. Thank you so much for sharing your journey.
I think many of us who appreciate these places are connecting with each other which will make it much easier to preserve them and create new neighborhoods wherever we can. :-D
Reminds me of the saying " Out of sight, out of mind"
It's funny, that really is the case with a lot of friends here, but then back in sight and back in mind too
I feel like if I went back to Turkey (my home country) I would probably have the same experience which would drag me into depression.
Greetings from Cape Town :)
It's really all about focus. I could keep my focus on the ones who don't understand but if I move my focus to the ones who do I will be able to meet more like them.
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