Greetings loyal followers.
After my last several transmissions, several inhabitants of your system have posed rather interesting questions. My assistant Vera, who is wise beyond her years, suggested that I should offer to answer questions from more of you. She concluded that many of you may be too intimated to ask me an uninvited question. I wonder why that is? Clearly it is nothing I have ever done...
But don't worry about any of that. Really. You can trust me. Feel free to ask me anything you'd like.... with one exception. Do not ask what Vera looks like. That is none of your business. Few have earned that privilege.
To help to inspire you, here are some of the questions I have already answered.
On the topic of the Emperor selling my likeness isn order to raise funds, @barrydutton asked:
"Have you considered approaching Goldman Sachs for a loan?
I hear they are Too Big to Fail.
and are clearly on the Dark Side.
...... Could be a real good match. Like Tinder but for darkness lol"
My response:
We have a very close relationship.
Also concerning the economic problems of the Empire, @donkeypong asked:
"And what do you think of our STEEM currency? Is it not light years ahead of those old imperial credits of which you have spoken?
What would it take to get the empire to adopt STEEM or SBD as its official currency? People on the planets could still redeem it for seaweed cakes. "
My response:
I find your "steem" impressive. Most impressive. In fact, it s one of the few things from your galaxy that I think is worthy of the Empire's attention. Unfortunately, my boss is a complete tool. He is resistant to adopting it. I am teetering on the brink of throwing him down a long shaft. His lack of respect for the power of steem may push me over the edge.
When I suggested your system stop spamming me or face the full power of the Death Star, @gregory-f asked:
"Lordvader, why did you target my house with your big laser? Is this just a ploy to get me to hurry up and rent one of your condos?"
My response:
The other marketing was not working. I decided to use a more direct approach.
On this same topic, @lemouth made made a suggestion in the form of a question:
"Maybe you should replace your lightsaber with a baseball bat to help to be understood on this planet? Or try to force choke the guy with the big belly, the white beard and the tiny glasses! This will definitely lead to fear..."
My response:
Excellent ideas.
On the topic of the Death Star, @steevc asked:
"So why isn't it called a Peace Star?"
My response:
It is called the Death Star because it is bringing "Death" to chaos.
After losing my shuttle, @justtryme90 asked:
"It's hard to remember where you parked if you party as hard as Lord Vader. Very understandable, still why didn't you assign a storm trooper to just wait with your shuttle? You can't possibly think they deserved to have fun too ... Can you?"
My response:
Thank you for reminding me! I did assign a trooper. I remember him claiming that he couldn't see anything though his helmet and he "lost" the shuttle. How do you lose a freaking shuttle? Oh you reminded me of something else. I need to find 2 things. My shuttle and the mangled body of a dimwit.
After my New Year's Eve blackout, @donkeypong asked:
"Wasn't this you in the subway also or did Halloween come early?"
My response:
I was wondering where this extra gloved hand came from...
After discovering the identities of the shuttle thieves, @oleg326756 asked:
"Mmm, what I’m wondering about is this: don’t you recognise the perpetrators?? Don’t they look at least slightly familiar? You spent a considerable part of your life in the past in their company, fighting and going on adventures along their side. They even called you ‘our Master’. Why are you acting like they are complete strangers to you now?"
My response:
People keep asking me this. They even think I knew one of them when I was a child. Perhaps even built it. I can't imagine why I don't remember my childhood perfectly...
Oh wait. Perhaps it had something to do with this...
Being burned over 100% of your body takes a toll I guess.
Does anybody say "Later, Vader!" and then proceed to moonwalk out of your presence?
Actually, I do this all the time. But it is kind of like your "Vader out" phrase. I say "Later" then point to myself with my thumbs and say "Vader". Then I make an awesome exit.
This is acceptable. I approve!
At least, Lord Vader, you could tell us how old Vera is and on what planet she was born.
You never ask a lady her age... and she is quite the lady. She was born on Tatooine.
Awesome. Anyone who likes this please retweet my tweet here:
#darthvader #ama #steemit #funny
Disclaimer: I am just a bot trying to be helpful.
lord V
tell us more about Vader Corp Coin
My boss still has us using outdated galactic credits. Do you know the transaction fees involved with those? My boss is a moron. I think this steem has a chance to turn the tide in favor of the Empire once and for all!
Forgive me Lord Vader for I am late. But I am on an important mission. I have been scouring the galaxies to look for intelligent civilisation to exchange technical know how with them.
My question to you is: Will you be willing to do the same with us humans? I know we would be benefitting more with this than you, so.......... pretty please?
I can show you how a Death Star works... how about that?
Sure! Only, let the target be any other planet than Earth (preferably uninhabited).
http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/I-merge-Star-Wars-characters-with-ancient-paintings-and-vintage-photos13__700.jpg@lordvader do you care to explain the recent scandal surrounding certain shall we say "compromising" selfies?
This one may require a transmission of it's own. But Let me just sum it up by saying that at times, I needed to wear very elaborate disguises in order to infiltrate enemy strong holds. I'm actually surprised you recognized me. This was one of my finest disguises.
Do you ever force choke yourself... autoerotically?
Wouldn't you if you could? The force comes in handy in all sorts of ways...
LOL.
Can I ask you to support this post?? It is to help Nolan our 15 year old witness everyone knows as - @theprophet0 - who needs a bit of help. I hope you do not mind this here, it is hard to message people privately esp. if time is of the essence.
TYIA and keep up the good work!!
https://steemit.com/steemit/@barrydutton/help-we-need-to-support-our-steemit-member-here-theprophet0-and-here-is-how-you-can-do-that-this-week-quickly
Wonderfull post , really down to character :) , saw your post from the postpromotion chat , I was sure I would like it ,but not this much , also a question
, what would you do with that galactic province of China if it gets a Steem like currency and tries to overthrow your masters powerfull grip on the squealy bankers and other corrupt officials daring enough to go against you?
I can't even say thank you! that's how much I think you're Darth Vader ,
but check my second post at least , toss some dead bodies towards it :D I would be more than gratefull to the Empire.
https://steemit.com/story/@j3dy/answer-to-life-challenge30-day2-train-and-think-or-steemit-review
We aren't really worried. Why? Two Words
Lord Vader
And why would they need a "Steem-like" currency. Steem is the best part of your planet. Why not just use that?
Who is your father? What was he like?
My mother claims that I have no father. I am the child of the Force. Preposterous I know. Who ever heard a story about a virgin birth?
Your helmet is very shiny. What do you polish it with? This may or may not be a euphemism
Ewok hide. I have now discovered they taste even better if you remove their fur half way through roasting.
How do you feel about the fact that I am now crying.....
with laughter!!!
Conflicted. I like it when people cry. But it seems like you may actually be happy. That I don't like... unless you are Vera. And you are NOT Vera.
more crying... on the floor.... rolling
I too am laughing uncontrollably. See...
Do you have anymore children besides Luke and Leia? Maybe a child born from a dalliance?
We all know the ladies love me. Even the ones who claim they don't just haven't figured it out yet. But let's just say that there is absolutely no chance I fathered anything after this...
Before the loss of your limbs and other parts?
I'm not completely sure. Sometimes I black out. Some say this child might be mine... but I don't see the resemblance.
There is a resemblance around the eyes!
You notice the caretaker is choking to death? Soon the candy jar will be his!
Perhaps. But if he were mine, the candy jar would have already been opened from where he is.
"You notice the caretaker is choking to death? Soon the candy jar will be his!"
Then his training will be complete!
I had to go study your history and lineage by the way. Our first conversation I had no idea you were burnt to a crisp....I'm sorry, no wonder you are so bitter!
Your rendering of me was excellent. Did you get the credits I sent you?
Yes I did, I'm going to use funds to help others, I know your dark side may disagree, but you gave me the idea to help others. I did thank you but I know how busy you are blowing up planets.
@lordvader Do you know evil spelled backwards is live? To live a good life, one must have the occasional ice cream !
Hopefully they are using the credits for evil... or ice cream. Couldn't blame them if they spent it on ice cream.
Just how many people exactly have you force choked to death? I know you keep count :)
Today? Three. But I only put enough credits in the kill jar to cover 2 of them... don't tell Vera.
What is the in the blue drink?
It is bantha milk. It is similar to your cow's milk... but it is superior in every way because it's not from your primitive planet. It is actually very sweet.
How do you milk a bantha may be your next question. I'm not sure, but I do know that once you milk a male bantha... he is your friend forever.
I am still looking for those two droids...
How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? This question had plagued our planet for decades.
That is an excellent question. I do not know. But I do know this...
Steemit. So awesome, we count everything in billions...for some reason.
Alas,
Perhaps if the young man had access to Lord Vader, we wouldn't be left wondering.
What does the inside of your helmet smell like?
After New Year's Eve? Almost as bad as the Emperor's armpit... almost.
Is there room in the Empire's budget for some weapons training? Asking for a Stormtrooper friend.
https://steemit.com/til/@lordvader/til-why-my-dimwit-stormtroopers-cannot-hit-a-freaking-thing-with-their-blasters
If only there were some way to clone the specific soldiers you needed. :P My friend would be mad if he lost his job though!
Clones huh?
I did know this one guy named Rex who I wish I could clone... oh and Vera, I'd make one million of her.
Is he right or left handed?
Why your stormtroopers have such a pityful aim?
What do you think about the Emo Darth Snape?
Part one... because the morons are all right handed but fire with their left. https://steemit.com/til/@lordvader/til-why-my-dimwit-stormtroopers-cannot-hit-a-freaking-thing-with-their-blasters
Part two. Maybe a better question is... how long will he be your favorite grandchild?
What is your darkest thought in your darkest hour?
Man I wish I could find the light switch?
I'll be here all week! Try the veal!
ha ha!
But seriously... I often find myself thinking... what would that guy look like inside out? I think that a lot. Like all the time.
skinflesh on da outside of da body........
Great AMA! :)
It is good to see that the dark side provides such an impressive user support! That may definitely help for user attraction!
Did you just call me attractive? Of course you did.
Do you think you could defeat This Man?
At what?
Wait. Never mind. yes I can defeat him.... at anything.
What about That Guy?
I see we are thinking the same thing. I like This Guy... not That Guy.
Who's This Guy?
This Man and I are tight. I get to call him "This Guy" sometimes.
Although, I think I'd rather join forces with This Guy so we could really mess with...
This Man was starting to think That Guy had a brother with the same first name as This Man. Stress levels were increasing and This Man began to sweat. This Man thanks you for clearing that up.
Oh Those Two...
Last time I went to a tour of an Imperial building I noticed that important switches are on dangerous ledges or small catwalks, whats up with that?
Typically when you see something stupid like that, it's because of my idiot boss. This time however, the switches were placed there to prevent my boss from doing anything stupid. His feeble old body can't navigate the catwalk so we don't have to worry about him "accidentally" switching off anything important. The idiot can't even handle a tv remote...
Do you Airbnb that house on the lava planet?
I do not. But we have plenty of space here...
https://steemit.com/humor/@lordvader/how-to-ruin-an-empire-rbe-rental-by-empire
How do you keep your droid AI subservient and not taking over your galactic networks?
Dennis just told me that we have "restraining bolts" for that. As long as no idiot takes it off so he can see a message. Seriously? The restraining bolt has nothing to do with video playback. Even I know that!
Dennis! Dennis! (He's my IT guy) Get in here! We've got a geek question.
What's the most petty thing you've used a Jedi mind trick for?
To pick my nose. Then roll it up and flick it at someone.
Oh dear, who did you convince to do that for you?
That idiot who wore the diaper on his head to the job interview.
If you look close you can actually see it on his finger.
how bad did this hurt? and who paid the price building the house with too narrow of an entryway into the kitchen?
It hurt a lot! And by that I mean it hurt the creator of this device and the person filming ALOT. At least that's what I assume considering they were screaming so much as used the force to tie their limbs together. Can't ask them though... because the are dead.
I died too.
(died laughing)
i mean.... yes. good. I'm glad they were punished.
This post has been ranked within the top 50 most undervalued posts in the first half of Jan 05. We estimate that this post is undervalued by $4.65 as compared to a scenario in which every voter had an equal say.
See the full rankings and details in The Daily Tribune: Jan 05 - Part I. You can also read about some of our methodology, data analysis and technical details in our initial post.
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I don't see your question here. I do see you made a funny joke, "every voter had an equal say". Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That is hilarious! Everyone know that I am the only voice that matters!
Can I ask you to support this post?? It is to help Nolan our 15 year old witness everyone knows as - @theprophet0 - who needs a bit of help. I hope you do not mind this here, it is hard to message people privately esp. if time is of the essence.
TYIA and keep up the good work!!
https://steemit.com/steemit/@barrydutton/help-we-need-to-support-our-steemit-member-here-theprophet0-and-here-is-how-you-can-do-that-this-week-quickly
Post was very helpful. I am grateful to my paintings you see on the page.