Okay, I get you one hundred percent. Ever want to leap, but you looked to be sure and then chickened out? Yes. Ever want to love and grow and be a better friend, but upon overanalytical evaluation it was just TOO MUCH to handle? You bet, so many times. Ever regret saying yes, being the yes man and people-pleaser only because it left you feeling bereft of your time to postulate, prepare, plan? Thousands of times. Is this same issue somehow tied to your inability to be depended upon fully outside of your nuclear family? Indeed. I have just up and quit so many things because they invaded what I thought needed to be shielded and protected - only to find that I'm relieved to be alone but tremendously lonely. It has caused a large rift between our little family and the in-laws (sadly they render me completely an anxious wreck and I become non functioning and paranoid). It has caused me to avoid committing to much. But now I am a stay at home mom, busy, stretching myself to work in ministry because if I feel this broken and wrecked, how many other people do?! I pray, take 5HTP and HIAA and have changed and rebalanced my diet (which helps) and I meditate on God....as much as possible. I sometimes have to find an empty quiet place to go when the day is over and just unplug and recharge. By sometimes, maybe twice a week for an hour or two or three. A long run at 4am or whenever. It is hard to manage. But I talk to God, talk aloud, talk to shrinks, write, pray, run, read, now, do something for someone who is worse off. I know it is just the sin, the darkness of the world, trying to schwack me and keep me from being fully 'on' and tuned in. I will die fighting it decades from now, but it won't win. Too much yet to be done!
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wow, that was powerful. as soon as the hairs on my kneck go back down.... i relate to what you just saud on so many levels but could never find the right words to describe it. im really glad i have you as a follower @cdwyatt i think we could learn alot from eachother
You got it! I had a moment today, driving home with the kids a song came on: "God Help Me" but Plumb.
i have that moment atleast once a day lol