If I could live my life over again,
next time I would try to make more mistakes.
I wouldn't try to be so perfect, I would relax more.
(Jorge Luis Borges, His last poem).
Two interesting questions posed by @jane1289, in this new initiative that I will try to answer honestly.
1️⃣ The month of love is still in the air. As a lady, what do you consider more: Careful decisions about whom to love, or the freedom to be spontaneous about it? Do you care more about present moments or future results of your decisions? Why?
I've always been a very structured person, very much a perfectionist and have planned every moment of my life, my future had always been carefully planned and here I am, many years later realizing that nothing went as I had planned.
When I was a little girl, I thought that by the time I was twenty-eight, I would be married with children. By the time I reached that age, my career was in full swing and those plans were behind me.
In fact, I got married and my marriage was very short-lived. At 34, I was divorced, with a newborn child and a sick mother bedridden for the rest of her life. It was my turn to give up once again on my plans, my dreams, my projects.
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I was doing the same thing when it came to relationships. I was always waiting for the perfect man. And I had him, but that beautiful human being, is no longer on this earthly plane and unfortunately, all the men I met after him, unintentionally, I established comparisons between them and my Tommi and these poor men, always lost out. And without realizing it, life went on and now I am forty-eight years old and my son is thirteen. Time went by so fast that I didn't even realize it.
Now looking back, I realize that we have to relax a little more, we have to be less structured, less perfectionist; enjoy the details of life, like a beautiful sunset, the sound of rain and a real love, one of those loves that make us laugh, that is something spontaneous, that is someone who walks neither in front of me, nor behind me, but by my side, that happens without complications, that flows by itself without forcing anything. After all, we came to this life, to live it, to enjoy it and to give the best of ourselves.
Of course, all this, always respecting. I would never mess with a married man or a man with a partner. They're not available. It's like looking at a magazine model, I turn the page because that's not for me.
2️⃣ Nowadays, premarital sex is rampant among young people. What if you got pregnant, and encountered rude in-laws with a partner who is incapable of standing by himself or standing up for you? Would you rather endure their maltreatment, or walk out on your relationship and raise your child alone? Why?
I'm going to answer this question that, although I'm not a teenager, I went through a similar situation. Thankfully, my in-laws were a sweetheart, but their son, a man who, when we were dating, was a real prince; he was funny, charming, gentlemanly, detail-oriented. The kind of person everyone likes. After we were married, he became a man who, magically, had run out of money and could no longer even buy his own things. But he did have enough to invite friends over to my house (we lived in my parental home).
I was bitter, and unhappy. This was not what I had wanted for myself. So about two months into our marriage, I asked him to leave the house. He refused, but my mom talked to him and demanded that he leave, because I was unhappy and he had become a complete stranger to her.
He finally left and days later, I found out I was pregnant. And he tried to come back to me, but I wouldn't back down. I even introduced my son alone when he was born because his dad was too busy partying, drinking and women and my son has both my surnames.
Daniel, his father, has taken care of him only a few times. I have never demanded anything from him, let alone, talked badly to my son about his dad. It would be causing him tremendous harm. So for my son's mental health, Daniel and I have a good relationship.
When he has money, he contributes to his education and food. But he is not constant. I think he has Peter Pan syndrome (you know, he never wants to grow up).
The thing is that, answering the second question, yes, it is better to separate from everything that hurts us, especially for the sake of our children. I have raised him alone, with absolutely no help from anyone, nor have my siblings been present, except for some birthdays, Christmas and so on. And I feel proud of him, because he is a good boy, he has a great human quality, nobility in his heart, he is an excellent student, he is funny and always steals smiles and a lot of hugs from me. When I look at him, I realize that yes, I have done well and the best decision I could have made, was to break up with my husband.
So far my lines, today I have done catharsis again and I feel liberated, relaxed and calm. Above all, happy and grateful. Grateful to the universe and of course, to Daniel, who gave me this wonderful gift called Gabriel. My son.
I want to invite @syllem, @carolincardoza, @bebaideal, @osismi and @zhanavic69.
TOTAL thanks!
En Castellano
Si pudiera vivir nuevamente mi vida,
en la próxima trataría de cometer más errores.
No intentaría ser tan perfecto, me relajaría más.
(Jorge Luis Borges, su último poema).
Dos interrogantes interesantes que nos plantea @jane1289, en esta nueva iniciativa y que voy a tratar de responder con total honestidad.
1️⃣ El mes del amor sigue en el aire. Como mujer, ¿qué considera más? ¿Las decisiones cuidadosas sobre a quién amar o la libertad de ser espontánea al respecto? ¿Le importan más los momentos presentes o los resultados futuros de sus decisiones? ¿Por qué?
Siempre he sido una persona muy estructurada, muy perfeccionista y he planificado cada momento de mi vida, mi futuro había estado siempre cuidadosamente planeado y aquí estoy, muchos años después dándome cuenta de que nada salió como lo había planeado.
De pequeña, pensaba que, a los veintiocho años, ya estaría casada y con hijos. Cuando llegué a esa edad, mi profesión estaba en pleno crecimiento y esos planes habían quedado atrás.
De hecho, me casé y mi matrimonio duró muy poco. A los 34 años, yo estaba divorciada, con un niño recién nacido y una mamá enferma postrada en una cama para el resto de su vida. Me tocó renunciar una vez más a mis planes, a mis sueños, a mis proyectos.
Lo mismo hacía en cuanto a las relaciones de pareja. Siempre estuve esperando al hombre perfecto. Y lo tuve, pero ese bello ser humano, ya no está en este plano terrenal y lastimosamente, todos los hombres que conocí después de él, sin querer, yo establecía comparaciones entre ellos y mi Tommi y estos pobres hombres, siempre salían perdiendo. Y sin darme cuenta, la vida siguió pasando y ahora mismo tengo cuarenta y ocho años y mi hijo, trece. El tiempo pasó tan rápido que, ni siquiera, me di cuenta.
Ahora mirando hacia atrás, me doy cuenta de que hay que relajarse un poco más, hay que ser menos estructurados, menos perfeccionistas; disfrutar de los detalles de la vida, como una bonita puesta de sol, el sonido de la lluvia y un amor real, un amor de esos que nos hacen reír, que sea algo espontáneo, que sea alguien que camine ni delante, ni detrás de mí, sino a mi lado, que se dé sin complicaciones, que fluya solo sin forzar nada. Total, vinimos a esta vida, a vivirla, a disfrutarla y dar lo mejor de nosotros mismos.
Por supuesto, todo esto, siempre respetando. Jamás me metería con un hombre casado o con pareja. Esos no están disponibles. Es como ver a un modelo de una revista, paso la página porque eso no es para mí.
2️⃣ Hoy en día, las relaciones prematrimoniales están muy extendidas entre los jóvenes. ¿Y si te quedas embarazada y te encuentras con unos suegros maleducados y con una pareja incapaz de valerse por sí misma o de defenderte? ¿Preferirías soportar sus malos tratos o abandonar la relación y criar sola a tu hijo? ¿Por qué?
Voy a responder esta pregunta que, aunque no soy adolescente, pasé por una situación similar. Afortunadamente, mis suegros eran un amor, pero su hijo, un hombre que, cuando éramos novios, era un verdadero príncipe; era divertido, encantador, caballero, detallista. El tipo de persona que le agrada a todo el mundo. Una vez casados, se convirtió en un hombre que, mágicamente, se le había acabado el dinero y ya no podía ni siquiera comprarse sus propias cosas. Pero sí que tenía para invitar a los amigos a mi casa (vivíamos en mi casa paterna).
Yo estaba amargada, e infeliz. Esto no era lo que había querido para mí. Así que a los dos meses de casados, le pedí que se marchase de la casa. No quiso, pero mi mamá habló con él y le exigió que se fuera, porque yo no era feliz y él se había convertido en un completo desconocido para ella.
Finalmente, se marchó y días después, supe que yo estaba embarazada. Él intentó volver conmigo, pero yo no quise dar marcha atrás. Incluso, cuando nació, lo presenté sola porque su papá, estaba muy ocupado de fiesta, tragos y mujeres y mi hijo, tiene mis dos apellidos.
Daniel, su papá, se ha ocupado de él pocas veces. Jamás le exigí nada y menos, le hablé mal a mi hijo de su papá. Sería causarle un daño tremendo. Así que por la salud mental de mi hijo, Daniel y yo, tenemos una buena relación.
Cuando él tiene dinero, aporta en su educación y en su alimentación. Pero no es constante. Creo que tiene el síndrome de Peter Pan (ya sabes, que no quiere crecer nunca).
El caso es que, respondiendo a la segunda pregunta, sí, es mejor separarse de todo lo que nos hace daño, sobre todo por el bien de nuestros hijos. Yo lo he criado sola, sin ayuda de absolutamente nadie, ni mis hermanos han estado presente, excepto para algún cumpleaños, Navidades y ya. Y me siento orgullosa de él, porque es un buen chico, tiene una gran calidad humana, nobleza en su corazón, es excelente estudiante, es divertido y siempre me roba sonrisas y un montón de abrazos. Cuando lo miro, me doy cuenta de que sí, lo he hecho bien y la mejor decisión que pude tomar, fue terminar con mi esposo.
Hasta aquí mis líneas, hoy he vuelto a hacer catarsis y me siento liberada, relajada y tranquila. Sobre todo, feliz y agradecida. Agradecida con el universo y por su puesto, con Daniel, que me dio este maravilloso regalo que se llama Gabriel. Mi hijo.
Quiero invitar a @syllem, @carolincardoza, @bebaideal, @osismi y a @zhanavic69.
¡Gracias TOTALES!
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Looking at how your son smiles, he seems like a good boy who was raised by a good mother. Indeed it was a great decision to raise him alone, rather than live badly in his father's side..
That Peter Pan's syndrome still exists in my brother-in-law's self... The reason why I asked this question is to know ladies' opinions regarding the matter because my sister,, unfortunately, fell into this fate, where she'll be raising her child alone although her partner's parents are fully supportive.. What I want is for the father to stand up for them, work hard, and be responsible, not his parents, because they are controlling their granddaughter's life and affecting my sister's life as well..
As a concerned sister who contributed a lot in raising her, I rather let her raise her child alone than live with her rude in-laws who don't value her worth, and take her right to be a mother to her daughter... They are no different to evils..
I wonder though, are you still single until now?
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Hello, @jane1289 thank you for your words. Yes, I think I have done well so far.
So, ideally, your sister's partner should take responsibility for the baby. Hopefully that will happen. Sometimes, however, we have to walk that road alone, because we definitely chose wrong the one who would be the father of our child and we have to take our mistake in the best possible way.
If he doesn't want to take responsibility, if his parents are harmful, the best she can do is walk away. For her peace of mind and that of the baby.
Today, we are many women who raise our children alone because of an irresponsible father. And you can do it, believe me you can. This may be what she needs to take charge of her life, to mature and become the responsible and empowered woman she is sure to be. Remember that it is often the blows that teach us and make us grow.
Maybe later on, the boy will want to come closer and be part of the child's life. And even if he didn't want to do it from the beginning, when that happens, you have to give him the opportunity and establish everything under the law of minors.
These are mistakes that later become our greatest blessings.
On the other hand, yes. I am on my own. I dated when my son was five, I wanted to give myself a chance. But it didn't work out. I met a man with a very bad temper, explosive and above all, possessive. I decided to walk away. And Gabriel is thirteen years old and I swear (here between you and me) that I'm already missing a partner. Especially because soon my son will start to make his life with friends and girlfriends. Life is just beginning for him and I don't want to be alone.
You’re so right in saying that life rarely takes the turn we wanted it to take. It surprises us at every corner and throws us where it wants rather than where we (think) we want to go ☺️
Your son looks like a happy chap! Definitely something to be grateful for 💙
Yes, these are things that I don't understand and that we should definitely not look for an answer to, because it simply doesn't have one.
My son... ah, yes that boy gives me happiness, smiles, fun and above all, perhaps the fact of having raised him alone, makes him very mature for his age or maybe it is his essence, but the truth is that sometimes he surprises me with his answers full of wisdom.
He is a blessing. A hug to you💖
Sabes que me encanta leerte, sabes transmitir de forma clara lo que sientes y piensas, además, pienso que eres muy valiente, has afrontado todo con lo que has tropezado, con entereza y eso no es nada fácil.
No puedo imaginar el cambio que dio tu ex para separarte de él a los dos meses, pero como todo tiene su razón de ser, te dejó lo más valioso que tienes. No puedo evitar pensar, qué bueno que fuiste firme y no retrocediste en tu decisión, porque ya ves que hubiera sido una pérdida de tiempo y energía. Mi hermana hizo algo similar y siempre la he admirado por eso.
Un gran abrazo amiga, mil gracias por tenerme presente.
Que linda, gracias 😘😊
Creo que lo que él quería, era salirse de su casa y vio una buena oportunidad en mí. No niego que yo le gustase, pero quizás no me amaba. Me cortejó bonito para lograr lo que quería. Creo. Hoy en día, seguimos en contacto por el bien del chamo, pero no sé hace cargo. Gracias a Dios he podido con esto.
Te abrazo amiga linda.
@purrix Que bonito saber que has sido una mujer resiliente de todo aquello que te hacia daño, lamentablemente hay hombre que nunca maduran ni asumen responsabilidades, el lado positivo de todo es tener a tu hijo contigo ese es el mejor motor que puedes tener, un mega abrazo y para adelante cada día siendo la mejor versión de ti.
@sagarkothari88 reward 0.05 HP