Listening to Ethel share an experience about identity theft was both disheartening and sad. We know that identity theft today is more rampant than ever before. That reality might help explain why security bottom-lines are flourishing. Identity theft is often relegated to internet mischief, yet it crosses into many situations that may exclude the internet.
This is one case of Ethel who seems to me a loving mother, where most people can easily detect that she would do anything for her children especially protecting them from outside depredation. So it came as a shock to hear her as she shared the agony of having her credit card stolen as unknown charges ballooned into thousands of illegal purchases. She, of course, reported this to respective authorities.
Yet, her worst nightmare came when it was revealed that one of her own children was the culprit. She was further depressed to find this out, and remain depressed as she had to file charges on a child that she had given unconditional love, and had taught him how to love and respect others in the world.
The story continues, but sadly, it's not an anomaly where children have been given the best; sacrificed for; and taught correct virtues and values to only forsake them. It is arguable that the thread of disrespect often start in the home where the parents are disobeyed and are used as one yields to the temptations of greed; slothfulness; and a plethora of moral shortcomings that end-up affecting lots of people in lots of negative ways.
The Bill Of Rights For Parents Of Adult Children
Linda M. Herman, Next Avenue, Contributor should be commended for to succinct outlined for reasonable parameters that shouldn't be breached by others who are living or expecting support of parents. Here's a select sampling partial list of ten:
The Right to Be Free from Abuse
The Right to Be Guilt-Free
The Right to Peace of Mind
The Right to Have Reasonable Expectations
The Right to Decide to What to Do with Your Own Money...
'Charles and Mary' is another case. They had five children, all are grown and all are still living at home with them (It should be noted that it is not a crime to continue living with parents, yet parameters must be made – and accepted). Today, only one is helping to pay the bills, and the others are, simply, living off of the sweat of mommy and daddy. As Charles and Mary move toward retiring, their planning has been interrupted by grown children who seem to have the same needs from their parents when they were children.
Then you have here an example of another single mother, who has always given her son as much emotional and material support within her capacity. She would often work two and three jobs just to make sure that her son would never go without food and shelter, as well giving unconditional support for his outside interests that included school activities, nice clothes and enormous pairs of tennis shoes. She thought that one day her unconditional love would yield fruit that would find a successful son with a good education, good job, and a good wife baring good grandchildren.
She was able to realize the latter, wife and grandchildren, but all were living at home and she fretted would be living there until she's dead. *All of the examples appear to be threaded in a pivotal concern - adult children who should be independent (short of a debilitating status), and who are preying on their parent's goodness.
Never got it
If there was an underlying theme to the above examples of children taking advantage of their parents it would be that 'children who can't let go of mommies and daddies to stake out on their own, and apply the intrinsic values given by same home to help them navigate in a complex world then they never got it – or they chose to neglect what they got.
Selfish antics stunts growth
Of course, another underlying theme can be found in the cliche that says one could never get away with the stuff that they've pulled on people who love them as they further sojourn into extended life situations. Yet becomes ever so self evident when one abuses their home foundation by never learning, its stunts their growth, hence being unable to or inefficient at dealing with life's circumstances. The irony is they return to the home that is seen as the least threatening. Their abuse will never be accepted in real life, and can be often met with acrimony, rejection, legal problems, and even having someone to seek painful retribution.
And, guess what, they often already know the possible consequences of their anti-social antics.
Returning Home can be a good thing
In today's world, even 'good' children may return home – voluntary or involuntarily – the challenges today can be overwhelming, from college debt; broken marriages; unemployment; accident and disabilities; etc. I should know, because there was once a time when I returned home, though short and temporary.
Yet, expecting rules of your parents' home to change because of your misfortune is a bit disingenuous. If anything, the rules should be espoused and respected. They are the same rules that you were obliged to adhere to when growing-up.
A person who respected the rules, embraced their early teachings, and is genuinely attempting to expand on them within the territory of their new activity should be commended.
The point is this, and is being reiterated, a person who thinks that they can abuse their parent's generosity and love and try that same antic in the the real world is potentially in for a rude awakening. To disrespect the love of parents can be a presage to failure; disappointment; and the inability to create and fight for your own foundation for peace; prosperity; and resolve. Loving and respecting your parents; their home; and their human rights should be a universal consideration.
And with that said, no one is perfect, but we must never forget the source(s) of our strength that empowers us to navigate as best we can. This same sources encourages/empower us to get back up when we fall, and most of all, it gives us the ability to define success on our own terms.
*(Note: Names used here are fictitious, but the events are real.)
Notes
The Bill Of Rights For Parents Of Adult Children. Linda M. Herman. https://www.forbes.com/sites/nextavenue/2013/10/23/the-bill-of-rights-for-parents-of-adult-children/#74e67a0920ab
Rules, Boundaries and Older Children Part II: In Response to Questions about Older Children Living at Home. James Lehman, MSW. https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/rules-boundaries-and-older-children-part-ii-in-response-to-questions-about-older-children-living-at-home/
Picture: Home of the author - still standing - from it was the source of strength, love and the inspiration to go forward.