I feel you bro. It's different for everyone. Only the first time i ever won myself and im pretty sure it cus very few entered xD Music is all about how it makes the listener feel, can't be mad if listeners aren't feeling your stuff. i feel like that every week, lols. Maybe you just haven't found your sound yet, or your audience. and always remember. Many great rappers started off exactly where you are right now, on the edge ready to give up. Good luck bro.
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Oh I ain't about to give up! Just saying that i can use that space to better learn. Plus i don't have a mic and I am still learning how to produce vocals so I that is more or less me being critical of myself. I showed it to a guy at work and he liked it. I am just way energetic and the flop swings are rough for me some spaces..
And don't get me wrong, you were dope and it was an amazing flow. Yes I am still searching for my sound I am sure. I guess this was more venting then anything. And I am going to see if I can do a better job on recording as I noticed a few parts are muttled!! I am on edge but mostly from personal reason that take away from the ability to progress the way I would like.