In my case: once an empath, are you always an empath?
If you have spent much of your lifetime absorbing the emotions of others around you, can you ever escape it and learn differently, or do you just have to learn to live with it as best you can?
Do you walk by a homeless person on the street on the street and feel obliged to help, or guilt if you don't? Even more guilt comes from the fact my ex-husband is also homeless, but if he had a civil bone in his body, that needn't have been the case.
Do you take on board other people's problems and work out solutions and ideas whilst your own life could be in tatters around you?
I seem to do this with anyone I get close to and I have written about it before. Sometimes I wish there was an off switch, but if there was then would that be being true to me?
I know the one thing I have to learn is to say "no", I don't have to give a reason. No is a complete sentence. But hard to do because if I can help, then I will, it feels like an earthbound duty.
Is it realistic to walk around and believe that most people are inherently good? Or just a fantasy? You just have to turn on the news, which I don't. I refuse to watch the news else I will be weighed down by it. If it's important it will filter through soon enough, whatever medium I'm on.
People find it so hard to ask for help, it's perhaps an injustice to turn off completely.
But for now, I need to concentrate on just me and my girls for a little while. And practice using my brain instead of heart for a little bit so I can find a better balance, as so drained emotionally at the moment.
I'll always be here for my bestest Steemit friends, you know who you are (@unmentionable or not) and the peeps I have great discord conversations with. And my fellow @ecotrain passengers, I could go on and on.
Set up a few income streams, then I can come back and help even more (after Christmas)! I will write about creating and maintaining these streams, so when they work, I'll still be helping and inspiring and that's what I live to do.
In the new year, I hope to set up the Hope Bank (second idea written about in this linked post) but I need to have something to invest into first and time to see if I gather some kind of support for it.
So no I don't think you can't take the empath out the girl, but I can and will manage it better. I have to be in a place where I can help more and I need time out in order to achieve this.
What do you think? Should you fight who you really are on the inside? Be on a permanent mission for self-improvement? Or just learn to live with who we are and managing to be the best version of that?
I believe we are always developing. Every day we are faced with decisions to make and with them, we either learn what to do or not to do. So by saying, “be yourself,” your being the self from that very moment. In the present, you are a different self than you were 2 months ago and you may be a different self 2 months from now. So really, we’re always changing. Let’s just change in a positive way! :)
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I'm going to take that as a compliment. Lol. Thanks!
True I am a totally different person than I was a year ago. Still a way to go to be where I'd like to be, it's a journey, a continuous journey.
Hopefully a fun journey! :)
I loved everything what you shared. I'm also an empath. I always feel the need to help the ones closest to me when they have a problem upon them. However they're not always looking for answers from me.
I think humans should always be on a permanent mission for self improvement and development. Now that's not to say that one wouldn't be happy with themselves. I'm always looking for ways to better myself that'll benefit my future. I'm consistently working on self-love because it's not a habit for me and even habits diminish over time of being inactive. With self improvement leads to wanting to learn. I love that you're always wanting to help people. If you haven't already, maybe looking into techniques of interpersonal communication. There are many ways to say "no" in my opinion while still remaining empathetic.
I think reading or feeling peoples vibes is important when trying to analyze how you're going to respond to them. I used to be a teller at a bank and we were always supposed to engage in conversation with the customer. Only with some I could do this because some people would give off a negative vibe, or some others were just in a rush. I could tell they didn't come in the branch to have a conversation with me.
Us humans should never be content with who we are and get comfortable. Of course we must love ourselves for who we are, but that means we should be providing ourselves with the greatest opportunities in life. Life is amazing and so are you! Have a good one :)
If you improve yourself you stop being who you were yesterday.
About fighting who you are inside: Don't accept what you can change and accept what you can't change.
That means to stop helping people you don't know, don't like and who are too fucked up. It also means to to care about yourself instead of others.
Like that you manage your empathy. But you can not completely erradicate it. If I had no empathy I wouldn't write this post for you.
I am writing it because I am in a top condition to help & because it is no sacrifice from my side to help you.
Besides that you are a good woman, who sadly does not know what is good for her & who needs a good man that guides her.
Your empathy was abused by people. Sad thing, it ruins many good hearted people.
But such is life. Life is tough, it ain't disneyland where everyone is a good person. Most people are motherfuckers & I hate society.
I had my heart and my good will crushed many times till I realized that I am the most important person on this eart because THIS IS MY LIFE!
I don't want to die knowing I essentially lived for others!
There are some people I will always help, regardless of whatever their pasts might have been, because they feel like family to me, god only knows the dysfunctionality of my own family, so will continue to support a small handful, even though I've never met them, in most cases.
I refuse to believe that most people are motherfuckers, everyone has good in them, sorry bit of a pollyanna like that.
And I'd like to die knowing that I essentially lived to help others, wouldn't mind that written on my gravestone at all.
But yes will learn to manage it better and not drown in an emotional cesspool. My empathy might have been abused, but it's still there in bounds. You may not know of my mission to make a million and give it away.
I really relate to this as I'm an empath too, though I only have myself to take care of and when I'm drained I don't have kids to worry about. I can take time to recharge, which makes it easier.
I've been thinking about this too. I think people are capable of changing, but only if they really want to. And I think for the most part empaths don't want to. Even when it gets difficult, I think it's a problem we want to deal with. It's a step up from being apathetic, self involved, oblivious to how others feel, and being free to hurt them. We want to be empaths because lots of the problems in the world are caused by people who lack empathy. We suffer, but in the end it is worth it, because it is also something that encourages (almost forces) us to help others.
Maybe it's not the same for everyone, but this is what I've experienced and seen in others. We cling to the label empath and love conecting with others. It's not a trait we dislike or see as a flaw. So that's why I don't think empaths can ever stop being empaths.
I do think it's necessary to learn how to have control over it. Setting boundaries or time aside to recharge, learning how to say no like you mentioned, and even finding ways to help people so the feeling of hopelessness lessens. Self care and allowing yourself to put your needs first sometimes is going to help immensely.
I've also been playing around with the idea that being an empath is a choice. I know people have different opinions on this, and I'm not sure where I stand yet. Some consider themselves lightworkers, as if they were sent into this world to help people. And I think that is beautiful. But I also think that it comes down to our values, and connection with the universe and all those in it. Maybe everyone is capable of picking up on other peoples vibrations like we do, but they aren't quite tuned into it. This would mean everyone's capable of being an empath. But still it's not a road that would be easy to come back from, which makes me think of the phrase, "Once you're awake, it's hard to do back to sleep."
I rambled on a bunch here, sorry if this isn't what you were looking for. Just got me thinking.
And to answer your questions, I don't think anyone should fight who they are, nor should they continue on a route that brings them suffering. Finding the balance is key.
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I'm glad it is making people think. In fact its @valorforfreedom who has made me stop and take a good look at myself. I might not agree and act on it all, but there is a lot that I will act on.
I'm not always so great at connecting, bit of a loner, as can't always handle what goes with it.
Now I know why I feel connected to you cos I am an empath too. I wasn't aware of this term until last year and didn't know why I became so stimulated when around so many people and their pains. I was asked to write a book on empaths by a client and it was then that i became aware of this term and it solved many of my queries. Meditating and staying away from negative energies are two good ways to keep yourself from becoming emotionally swamped. Also, I try to focus more on my needs when I feel becoming emotionally drained.
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yes, some people are really negatively draining. Sometimes its safer to stay indoors, or not when you have kids.
You have a kind heart sometimes the sorrows around us are just too much. Maintain balance and help when we can without compromising the ones we love around us. Stay true you are an amazing person. :)
Thank you, I think I just need to set a few hours aside each day and get some work done that puts me in a better place.
Nice post! Thanks for sharing.
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I think you should always fight, not that being who you are is a bad thing. More that fighting enables a gradual change and I believe they we all thrive on change. I hope you feel better after taking the time out
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STOPso sincere.. just from the heart and it is felt in every word.
I think we must self-improve but it mustn't be endless struggle, everything in life should be easy and pleasant, if it is not - our soul rejects it and we mustn't make it a duty for us. Soul knows better what we really need, and we have just to listen to it.
Do you agree?
"But for now, I need to concentrate on just me and my girls for a little while. And practice using my brain instead of heart for a little bit so I can find a better balance, as so drained emotionally at the moment."
You aren't turning off completely if you are still focused on your girls. Empathy is definitely draining, but part of self care is knowing when to extend yourself, when to retract, and when to write through it as you did so beautifully with your poem. xoxo
So... you can eventually learn to shield yourself. It seems like you learn this when you hit that point in life where you honestly can't handle one more thing on your plate. That's how it worked for me. I don't know how I learned to do it but it is something I can turn on and off now without really knowing. It's still mildly there under the surface but if life is overwhelming for some reason I don't pick up on things. When I can handle something else I pick up on things.
I wonder if when you fully commit to self-care it naturally happens.
I asked this very question last year. I wondered if it were possible. I wish I could tell you how it happened. I think I just had so much I "turned off".
This seems to be an ever-growing process...
BTW, I'm glad to see you post on this. I've questioned it but I'm hesitant to write about it because for some reason I worry about what others will think when it comes to this topic... Nothing else, just this. Maybe it's because I don't entirely know what to think about it, or know what I all believe or buy into when it comes to this...