"But how do I know when I 'act' and when I'm being 'me'? The act has gone on for so long and is so ingrained in my automaticity that I don't know where the act begins and the 'real' me ends and vice versa.
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You have got to start dreaming again. Think about the life that you would want to see your family to have and gradually, your mind will give you answers to all the "how to do it" questions that will come along.