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RE: Dusty's 8th adventure - Part 7

in #writing7 years ago (edited)

I've taken a look at the story you put in the #story-mentor tag and I think you have to work on how to project your story.

Your English seems to be good, but there is a lot of 'info-dump' in the story.

Details you don't really need are dropped into the beginning and it detracts from the story.

From what I've read of your work, you need a lot of guidance.

I hope this feedback doesn't upset you, there is a potential, your idea is good, the telling of it needs work.

I wrote the feedback here because I didn't want to put this at the bottom of your story. I hope that's ok for you.

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I didn't felt upset when I read your comment from my work @michelle.gent. I'm very thankful for you by letting me know my mistakes at my work. I will do my best on writing and thank you for letting me use #story-mentor. :)