I had another post planned, one I started earlier today (like 7hrs ago) but kept getting interrupted by things. It’s an in-depth post looking at what’s happened over the last few months in my journey of self discovery.. and well I guess I’m just not ready to write it, or I’m a horrible blogger so therefore it takes me longer. Who knows.
Since part of that journey was a promise to “share more.” In a way that puts myself out there.. in an honest and raw way, I thought maybe a freewrite was better fitting for tonight and might be what my soul needed.
And in the sake of putting myself out there, some experimental photography I did recently
There is a topic that has come up a lot in my life the last few days. In fact it was part of multiple discussions today alone, that had absolutely nothing to do with each other... just a random coincidence.
Trust
What is it? And how come so many of us can’t seem to do it?
Trust is a hard thing to earn, and once it’s lost, it’s nearly impossible to recover.
I was told recently (very nicely I might add), that I don’t trust anyone, and essentially I just needed to “get over it.” But how does one simply “get over” all the things they have experienced? They can’t.
Every single thing that we have been through makes us who we are.. flaws and all.
To trust is a hard thing to do.. you are essentially putting yourself at the mercy of another. Raw, exposed and vulnerable. Once you have been wronged by someone who you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with, someone you trusted, someone you felt safe with, it’s hard to do it again. Go through that a few times and it’s nearly impossible.
While I wouldn’t say I “trust no one,” it’s definitely a very short list.. and online.. it’s even shorter. What I find interesting about things here, in our online world, is it’s the ones I would have never expected that I trust the most. While those that seem to be the most likely “trustworthy” candidates are those you have to watch your back around. They seem to be the ones with their knife ready, just waiting for the moment that most benefits them to shove it in your back. It’s a sad fact, but that’s just how life goes.
So why trust at all?
I feel that we as human beings were meant to have meaningful connections. I think we were designed to be vulnerable, we were designed to be flawed and we were designed to be drawn to one another.
Why? Hell, I don’t know.. a cruel joke?
Or maybe it’s how we grow, it’s how we discover who we were meant to be all along. Maybe we need to fall on our face, just so we pick ourselves up again.. maybe we are so damn stubborn that if we never fell, we would never fulfill our full potential.
Maybe we need one another...
To trust no one is a lonely thing, and not one that leads to success. It leaves us bitter, stubborn and always on the defense. It makes us act irrationally and well, stops us from finding any form of happiness. Maybe we were meant to be vulnerable, we just need to be careful of who it’s with.
What’s the solution?
As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to take nothing at face value, and I mean nothing. I always look at actions and slowly observe before forming a “decision” about an individual or situation etc. Sometimes this means I don’t trust people who the rest of the world seems to love, which sometimes can be lonely as well. But most of the time this allows me to discover amazing human beings where I didn’t even know they existed.
Those that the rest of the “world” has written off because they can’t see past the surface, and are so blinded by other individuals fakeness that they can’t see what’s right in front of them. I’d rather see the hard and ugly truth than a fake but pretty lie, every single time.
The fact of the matter is, when need to trust someone.. we weren’t meant to be alone in this. Maybe just that person comes in a package you wouldn’t expect, or at a time you weren’t prepared for. Stop focusing on face value and look at an individuals actions.. take a breath and look at that situation from a distance; analyze, evaluate, and see who’s word matches up with their actions.. see who stands by their beliefs and principles no matter who they are in front of.. see who asks nothing of you, but offers you up something pretty special... Their rawness, their vulnerability, Their trust.
Those are the ones you want standing next to you, shoulder to shoulder, in the good and bad times.
Trust is a funny thing, it requires us to be vulnerable.. but once we are able to do so, we find that we are stronger.
I don’t like being vulnerable.. but I also want to live this life to the fullest. I believe being brave enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable is part of the experience. I believe we need to have deep connections with other human beings, to really experience life. I believe some of us are drawn to one another for one reason or another, it’s all just a part of our journey, our story. If we try to do it all on our own, we may never reach our full potential.
And that would be an utter tragedy...
Thanks for listening to me ramble.
Much Love,
Justine
So powerful. Photo is off the charts.
I've had my trust broken by several poorly-chosen partners I deeply loved to break me repeatedly, and also my Dad recently leaving me with a lifelong battle to sort out. It'd be more than enough for even the strongest to crawl into a cave and never want to love or risk being hurt again, but I've always had this voice of reason inside that tells me that every new person deserves a fair chance. They get a clean slate because they don't deserve to be counted out because of ghosts from my past. It's not their fault and there's a bit of hope that perhaps everything happened for a reason. My faith never changed and I got stronger and wiser each time. Sure, I have doubts at times, but I let them guide me as a rational voice of reason when something seems like a normal red flag. Accidental mini freewrite here when this is your show.
One of my favorite quotes I learned from a fortune cookie is "A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for."
I feel that the same goes for our hearts, whether with friends, family, or more.
For a laugh on the topic of resilience, behold Monty Python's Black Knight clip. This too shall pass. 'Tis but a scratch.
Side note - I remember the first words I said when I met you at SF... not sure if you do, but while I meant them, I can only imagine the huge unintentional cringe you must've felt given this post. (Maybe a better laugh.)
Awe thank you for this amazing comment.. and please, I don’t have a show.. I’m here for you guys 🤗
It’s funny because a lot of times we loose trust due to the end result of romantic relationships, but I feel that the others in our life are just as detrimental. Those friendships, family members, business deals etc.. they will punch us in the gut just the same. So I 100% agree with you, we can’t hide away (that’s one of my fav quotes btw), or we miss what we were meant for. We just need to find the ability to “spot” the trustworthy ones and then be brave enough to be vulnerable once again. Everything that happens, I believe is what makes us discover who we were destined to be. Keep fighting brother ❤️
I do not remember 👀.. I thought we talked about COM? In my defense i was jet lagged and don’t remember much lo. Tell me! Tell me!
My first words when shaking your hand were "Don't worry, you can trust me." Apparently, I sensed enough skepticism to subconsciously blurt that out as a stupid way to break the ice. Of allll things, the T word!
Glad you forgot... until I just trapped myself into reminding you. Wop wop.
This just made me cackle 😂
I forgot about that! ... and strangely enough.. didn’t find it odd at all. I’m glad I give off the I don’t trust you vibe, sheesh.. how pleasant lol. For the record, this post was for other people too. I trust, I’m just not quick to trust 😉
Your cackle word choice gave me the idea to try to make more people... cackle. [read: "Allow myself to introduce... myself." - Austin Powers]
If you can handle more laughing, check this post out, or click the video from it below. If my subtitles aren't on, click the "CC" tab. Enjoy!
This is a worthy share, @steemmatt, thanks for leaving it here. This quote especially sums up my feelings about life:
I keep taking risks, afraid, but doing it anyway, because I want to LIVE. I keep trying to trust, because if I stop trying, then what's the point? raises glass to toast those who are willing to keep trying
I have had my trust broken so many times...
Yet I choose to trust
Trust for me is personal, a decision based on my evaluations of someone. If they break my trust, it is not their fault, they are who they are and what they have broken is my trust in my ability to evaluate others.
Trusting someone is a leap of faith but the real challenge is, once that trust is broken, can one recognise and accept that the person can only be true to themselves. It doesn't mean one has to stay or contribute on with the relationship at all but, how can one be bitter at someone being who they are, flawed, imperfect and always limited in understanding.
I think the raw in being open is the willingness to not only trust but survive and thrive even after that trust has been proven poorly placed.
As for our incompleteness and subsequent attraction to others, we are designed to cooperate and if we are all equal, there is no reason to share. The stupidity of fighting for equality is in the violence that all are considered identical. I am me, you are you and because of the differences we have we can compound the strengths and shore up individual weaknesses.
I feel like standing up and applauding.. this is so spot on, thanks for that.
I agree, if we are imperfect and flawed.. we need to not only accept that, but accept that others are as well. Which means people make mistakes.
The key is to be able to not only pick yourself up again, but as you said, also be able to trust again.. survive and thrive. I feel like we all compliment each other, we all make each other stronger, we all help each other to achieve great things. But if we can’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable we miss out.
Thanks for this.. and I miss your face ❤️
Survive and thrive is something that we need to consider a lot these days, isn't it?
I miss your face too.
I recommend this book
https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Alchemy-Mind-Heal-Heart/dp/0609809032
It gives the knowledge to be able to trust again, so you can get fucked over again :)
Haha! Hey! I do trust, I’m just careful about it 🙃 I think this goes into all relationships, whether it be business, friendships, etc etc etc. I think having people next to you helps you achieve your goals. I will read the book though, thanks for the suggestion!
I love the honesty in this post. Super brave to write about such a personal and intimate subject. Being able to trust someone with your most true self is something I think we all want and ultimately are striving for in our closest relationships. If we can achieve this, we are truly fortunate :)
Thank you 🙂, I decided a few months ago that being open with the “imperfections” and personal things not only is good for myself, but most importantly for others. We live in a world obsessed with perfection, and people are killing themselves just to try to keep up with that “image” of perfection. I’m not perfect, and never met anyone who is.. I felt maybe being a bit more real would help others feel comfortable in their own skin as well. Yes! I think that is the ultimate goal, find those that you are truly yourself with, who you know are there no matter what.. having people like that next to you can make you unstoppable. Thanks for the lovely comment ❤️ So amazing meeting you the other night!
I am so glad we met ! I was so lucky to see your post otherwise I never would have even known such a cool group was meeting so close to me :) Also, I meant to say thank you for letting me pose with you with my Mene accessories lol!!
Hi @llfarms ''I’ve learned to take nothing at face value'' the most beneficial thing is trying to evaluate the inner beauty of Human beings but in this time era we all know that every real face has a lot of fake masks and this is a bullshit thing
Couldn’t agree more! I don’t want to know a person by what they pretend to be or what their physical appearance is, I want to know their soul.
Hmm I think it's good to be careful and not to trust anyone, but I also think that it can lead to a lot of hurt and loneliness, so I guess the best would be to find balance ;)
We can choose to stay safe in our worlds or go out and risk getting screwed over. and honestly, I'm not sure which is worse...
Great read and that photo is mindblowing! <3
Hey thank you so much ❤️
I agree that being careful is extremely important and leads us to the right people rather than just blindly trusting everyone who crosses our path. My list is very short.. and I’m not too sure that’s a bad thing. Even if we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable with one other human being, even for a minute.. I think it does something positive to our souls.. it’s a connection we crave. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to do, because we want it so bad.
Crazy that you think you are a “horrible” blogger as I would be embarrassed to compare mine to yours! I share many similar perspectives on trust as you and what has led me to be so interested in blockchain is at least we can now have an option transactionally to no longer be concerned with trust. No longer would banks be are only way to ensure our resources are there! I think reputational systems will be reinforced in the future for this to be an improvement over what we see today.
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Haha! Well thank you but please don’t say that! We were meant to be different 😉 and I just ramble a lot haha.
It’s funny, because you bring up and excellent point here.. we are designing and participating in a “trustless” system here, which is a bit which makes my post a bit ironic. While I think the ability to have a trustless transaction is vital.. I still think as humans, we have to be able to open ourselves up. I wonder what this further trustless society will begin to look like in the future. If it will go beyond transactions and into more personal areas? It’s interesting to think about.
I think most can agree that trust is a hard thing to give, but I also hope we can begin to see that somewhere, sometime, we have to trust someone... or we are missing out on something special.
Thanks for your comment 🤗
I can definitely empathize with much of what you say, I have trust issues too. Speaking from my own perspective, I think we all will find we have at least one person we can and do trust, be it husband, wife, mother, father, child, sister, brother, friend,etc, or even ourself, and in having that one person to trust can be enough, for me at least it is. This mindset does however, limit our capacity to see life from a wider perspective as it limits our view and minimizes our experiences.
I find this sad...
I am very vulnerable, and yes, I am careful with who it is with, but in having few people I trust in I do not leave myself open to being broken. I am not bitter over it nor hurt by it, it is just the way life is and in fact it makes me stronger because I know I do not need to trust anyone else to be successful or happy, I just need a strong me to trust in, then again, maybe that is just me being stubborn.
Thank you for the vulnerability you have shown here, it is a pleasure getting to know you more and seeing that I am not alone in some of my own flaws and shortcomings. Life is ever changing, we look at things differently every day we age and we learn to realize they may not be flaws but just truths and perhaps, it is the rest of the world who is flawed 😉
I also think just a few (or one) is enough, and I am absolutely not downsizing how believing in yourself and trusting yourself can elevate you to achieve so much greatness. More what I meant was, when we spend so much time pushing people away and looking over our shoulder, we miss out. When our walls are so high that we won’t let anyone in, we are missing out. When we think everyone is always out to get us (clearly not everyone with trust issues has this problem at all, but some do), we become bitter and it’s blocks us from achieving things.
Thank you for this, and being a part of this.. I think it’s important to know we aren’t alone in this.. and that NO ONE is perfect. We should embrace the imperfections and the brokenness.. because it’s what makes us who we are, it’s what makes us special. ❤️
This is true, we do tend to push people away and perhaps we do miss out. I understand that each of us reacts or perceives in a different way.
Just being able to recognize it is cathartic for the soul because it allows us to work on it if we feel the need to do so.
...and I like that, “it’s what makes us special” ❣️
Yo @Llrams those light are the one form the Salt mines doesn't it?
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Justine;
This topic rang the bell for me. The world needs more people like you. There are too many out there that believe what they see and hear on the surface. They don't dig deeper. They don't use logic. They don't verify information. They look to others and believe what they believe. They don't have core beliefs. In short, you have standards. You are firm in what you believe in. It is not that you don't trust or believe in people. You want to. It is just that more and more people don't measure up. They don't have what it takes to pass the test.Don't change for others. Not that you would. Just saying.
As long you do not trust yourself, nobody can trust you neither...
Life is so simple, that we're nearly incapable to believe that it is so simple... One Is All, All Is One!
I disagree on that point, 'cause I know for a fact, that all by yourself one can "reach"/rediscover a glimpse of his "full potential"... which stays only a glimpse, as our mind is not yet ready to "see" eternity...
For me everything Life offers is perfect like it is, and then duality/judgement/thinking kicks in...
photo looks great, really interesting edit.
I am just a naive utopist so i always start with all people are great and there is no reason for someone to fuck you over and than it all goes in circles :D
My husband and I are on Season 4 of "Vikings" on NetFlix. Nobody can trust anyone!! In real life, my trust has been betrayed countless times, and every day is a struggle to combat cynicism and a sense of futility and loneliness. My husband is the one person who stands by me in all things no matter what. He has God on his side (he's a cradle Catholic) while I have skepticism and a willingness to believe but no sense that a loving God exists AND is watching over us AND cares about every single one of us. Lonely place to be. Yet I continue to trust people and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and make excuses for them if they do screw up and throw me under the bus ("They were having a bad day; they have medical issues; they misunderstood and thought the worst of me; etc").
I continue to trust, no matter how many times my trust is broken, and I remain vulnerable, but feel I'm strong and resilient and a little wiser. Thank you for the motivational and uplifting message, @llfarms!
And, yes, appearances can be soooo deceiving: ...the most likely “trustworthy” candidates are those you have to watch your back around. They seem to be the ones with their knife ready, just waiting for the moment that most benefits them to shove it in your back. I've been thrown under the bus, scapegoated, used, exploited... yes, here at Steemit, the place that was supposed to be nicer and safer than Facebook! ... but also EVERYWHERE I go, even volunteering, where CEO wannabes take charge and boss around the volunteers. Ego. Power. Control. Most people want that stuff so badly they do what it takes to get it and they stab whoever threatens it when they have it. And yet here I am, still at Steemit, still trusting people. Still hoping. Still working, putting in the time and effort, imagining that I might be doing good things. Maybe we are not just vulnerable but delusional as well. I should be less forgiving and more politically savvy, but I was indoctrinated with being "nice." Sometimes being nice is just plain being stupid.
Vulnerability, my dear, is the sister of courage.
You know me.. heart first.. yet there's.still hidden things I won't share for fear of rejection. One does need to put oneself out there to experience those magical connections.
I love that experimental photo!! How cool!!
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Hi @llfarms,
off topic:
You mentioned in a recent reply that you know of whales who will delegate sp to redfish with the low rc problem. Can you tell my who those whales are so I can list them as a resource on one of my minnows tips posts?
Thank you so much!
Hey, that’s just not really how things are done here. An account who is offering assistance to quality accounts doesn’t just want their name blasted. I’ve put out many posts looking for small accounts that are having RC issues, even did my own giveaway and could only find a couple. But I think it’s an issue some are definitely running into for their first couple days. What you can do is mention me, or perhaps they can reach out to you and you can get me a list. I then can go through and get them taken care of. Hope that helps! Let me know. Also, im on discord if you need to message me.
The problem is that little accounts do not know where to look or that help is available. You are not the only one failing when you try to offer help in your posts because they never see them.
There is no list of new people with low rc. They get here when they get here and fail days later. It's a huge rotation.
No, It is an issue 90% of them face for the first 90 days at least.
I don't play in discord. I have a list of people who give help. I am making a post on this topic and I will put you on it if you do not mind being outed. I guess you can ask the accounts you know of who prefer to stay in hiding if too many people get to you.
Sums it up really. People don't like to put themselves out there. But it is ultimately liberating.
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STOPI absolutely love this. I can relate too well to the trust issues, but your reminder to take things slow, look at actions, and not judge at face value—that's golden. And this part:
So well written. Thanks for sharing this, Justine. (((hugs)))