"What am I after?" The truth is, I don't know.
The truth is none of us know what we are after. Change is always good, that is something I believe, always have believed. Even if it is only a small change it can have such a large effect on a person. Health, happiness, wellbeing, and even mentally.
I think that people fear change and its effects primarily because they like living the rut lifestyle. The wheels and patterns have been deeply ingrained in us. But those ruts lead to "But I have to do this, if not me who? This is who I am.", thinking. It stops one from grabbing the headphones or ear pieces, plugging into the music device and doing something simple like going for a walk.
I need to figure out how to replace my current addiction to information with something that won't kill me.
Here is a small one day break thing. You live in or real close to a big Zoo. They have an inside area, so weather should not be to much of an issue if they are open. Go visit the reptile and bird cage areas, listen to some music, (Cat Stevens), and take some cool pictures. Just a one day break from the routine rut idea.
In the spring, when the weather warms up a bit, if you are still doing your local meet-ups, you could tell everyone to bring their camera or smart phone and do a group walk-a-bout. Taking pictures of the everyday normal scenes, the odd little piece of litter caught in a tree or bush, the squirrel chattering at someone, the birds being feed, even the dirty streets or park benches, then after everyone can do a post about the walk.
Cheer-up, (god I hate hearing that sometimes), but you will find what you need when the time is needed to find the right thing to do. Look back at some of your earlier post when you were telling us about how you dislike some of the jobs you had to do, how the 9-5 rut was killing your spirit. We can not time the time when it is time to make a change, it just shows up on our doorstep and kicks us in the butt and says, it is time.
have a wonderful day @stellabelle