I have been in kind of an adoption craze since we adopted and brought our son home in July 2015. We adopted due to not being able to conceive ourselves (unexplained infertility). Over the past few months my craze has been on overdrive, the broodiness is kicking in again! This has led me to reflect on adoption as a whole, and the things that I wasn’t prepared for the first time around – the things that surprised me.
Things About Adoption That Took Me By Surprise
1. Adoption changed our relationships with people
Before, during and after the adoption process we lost friends and made new ones. When people discovered that we intended to adopt a black child, their responses determined whether we wanted to continue a relationship with them. Those who reacted negatively (mostly with racial comments) were almost immediately cast aside – while we value friendships, our child was to become our first priority and we didn’t need harmful negativity hanging over him.
We also discovered a whole “adoption community” in our area and through this we formed new friendships with other adoptive parents and adoptees too.
2. Adoption made me sad
While holding my son for the very first time was the happiest moment of my life, there are many other layers to adoption, most of which are very sad. My son had a rocky start, our gain came with his loss, a burden he will carry throughout his life – as a mother, this breaks my heart!
Then, what about the thousands, if not millions, of children who are still waiting for a warm and loving home, a family of their own. While I adopted one child, there are so many that are left behind…this eats at me every day.
Lastly, a president has almost been set where if you adopt, you are not allowed to have the baby blues, since this is what you wanted right? But the truth is, just like giving birth, many women are thrown into a post-adoption depression – I felt this.
3. Adoption taught me patience
I’m quite a brat in that I am used to getting what when I want it. But adoption is all about waiting. It’s about lengthy paperwork, sleepless nights, unpredictable outcomes and not being able to have control over things that are very personal to you.
Adoption taught me that I cannot control everything, that patience is beautiful and that sometimes you just need to let go and TRUST!
4. Adoption brought my husband and I closer together
Suffering from infertility is hard and it will do one of two things; either ruin your marriage/partnership or bring you closer together. Luckily for us, it strengthened our love. Our love for each grew through support and understanding as we accepted unplanned obstacle the life put in our path. As we started the adoption process, our love blossomed again, and evolved too. The anxiety, the stress, the wait – we did it together! Loving a person is one thing, loving a person who loves your child deeply, that take the meaning of love to a whole new level.
I expected adoption to simply grow my family, make me a mother. But it has done so much more, it has opened me up to a whole new culture, that’s what adoption is really, a culture. It has altered every nuance of my life and turned things upside down and sideways too - in a mostly good way.
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thank for sharing your thoughts and journey! you are a great parent...
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This has been very exciting for me, thanks so much! I really appreciate the excellent work @ocd is doing to help the "little" guys!
This is truly a beautiful article. I am in awe of your attitude and your joy. You are blessed and your children (present and future) are blessed. You are part of a beautiful puzzle.
Thank you, it really does feel like a puzzle is being put together. I'm itching for baby number 2 now! :) I appreciate your very kind words!
What a wonderful story, even if adopted it is your child and your responsibility so understand what you mean by baby blues. O I am going to follow you now as I love kids and all my posts are about small children learning. Thank you so much sharing.
Thank you for your understanding :) the blues have past now and we are one happy family! And thanks for the follow, I see your name around often and have always enjoyed your posts! "See" you around!
Wow! This really touched me. I admire you for the courage of standing up to the so-called friends who refused to accept your decision. It is often in times of crisis that we learn who our real friends are. That you and your husband weathered this storm together shows that there is real love and trust in your relationship. Thank you for sharing this, I hope others reading your post will be similarly touched and will look at their own belief systems and relationships with new eyes.
Ah that is such a beautiful reply, thank you so much - your comments always put a smile on my face!
We all have a limited time on this wonderful planet, I often feel that we spend to much time being critical of others when so often there is good to be found in most people.
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Thanks for this. I heard adoption can be a long and painful process.
Honestly, the outcomes and process is different for everyone. We were very lucky and had a short wait and an amazing social worker who assisted us so nicely.
Great I'm sure that helps! I hope you have a wonderful day!
I'm a birthmother and I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks.
It's my pleasure, thank you for taking the time to read it :)
oh very cute moment i am waiting for you :)
Thank you :)
:) welcome to my blog @farhannaqvi7
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nice story
Such a touching and motivating article. Bless you both for being a wonderful parents to the fortunate child. There is so much you can help but at least you have help at least one.
God Bless and thank you for sharing.
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