Why not break this down into smaller chunks people will stop and read. On my Steemit College level education course, I say 5 or a maximum of 6 paragraphs only one or two sentences long.
Small paragraphs and fast informative punchy words help people stop and invest their spare time. Remember this message is important to you, your job is to try and connect with others. If it is longer than 99 words people most likely will not bother . . .
: )
it's a white paper. well, draft. not targeted at making votes but finding coders, architects, collaborators. you need to understand the design and why it is how it is to know what it's point is. business without easy espionage vulnerability, local market enabler, especially in a hostile environment, war, oppression
and if you are volunteering to edit.. be my guest. join the bitmessage group...