What Is The Life With An Alcoholic!
Everyone drinks; some for fun, which mean in a social manner, some to escape something they want to forget, some just want to be cool in front of their friends and some who doesn’t have a reason anymore.
I never knew that world until I’ve met my ex (I am not mentioning any name here – it’s not about a name but an addiction). When we met there was no evidence of him being an alcoholic. We would go out and he would drink non-alcoholic beer. He did tell me later on he was an alcoholic but now he is sober.
Don't take me wrong - I did tried at teenager time but not to the point of being an alcoholic. Everything I do is always with moderation
Charming from his smile, kindness of his heart you brush it off and tried to know the person for who they are. You have been already dating the person for 2 months without any evidence of his own addiction so why would you make a drama now, which is not there anymore…
Everything goes well as you though he was THE one.
Life goes on and you realized
it’s time for the next level of a new journey to finally consolidate a love that you have been waiting for a long time. What a better way to move together and finally share this love every day.
That is what we all dream a better ending to our story. Sometimes in life we forget how life itself can challenge us without knowing what is in front of us.
Once you entered that world of a dark secret of theirs you can’t go back. You either try to understand or try to help them.
I’ve encountered many couples that went through the same situation and some have survived this ugly addiction and some didn’t.
Why so; is it because love was stronger then the addiction from both party, Is it because the communication was better, is it because kids were involve or either the other doesn’t want to leave yet to make it worse?
Everyone is different, everyone handle it differently.
The day we move with happiness and joy was the day that changes my whole life. Realizing now this non-alcoholic beer was only a surface to cover up his real personality.
Anyone would have run so quickly so fast – why did I not just do that?
That is the thing I’ve leaned now with an alcoholic – Manipulation and control is one of the best award in this category, lies, stealing, borrowing, begging, threatening but still not by naivety but by heart wanted to help him in so many way. I was able to see inside he was a good man coming from a great family who had value and integrity. A soul that was lost through depression and pain accumulated from the past was just broke my heart.
Sometimes our past make us stronger sometimes it’s made us weak and unfortunately in his case it make him weak.
As the years accumulate the alcohol double. Who am I to judge as our ancestor, loves one, grand parents have fought these battle of life from up side down from century. That was my though from the bad or the good I was going to be at his side and be supportive and trying to help me out.
Call me crazy but 10 years I was at his side, 10 years I tried to help him, understand him, support him, love him, and cherish every moment I can. I was the go to girl to drive his mom, to be there for his dad, his brother, to take care of the house, the meals, the cleaning and so on so on….I felt I was a slave in my own freedom, my own house, I was in jail from a dark secret I couldn’t tell anyone but everyone knew long before I realized myself.
Not to mention his brother was the same and alone himself I was there to listen as well and succeed to make him sober but the person I was living with was more stubborn then his own brother and had no intention to change anything from his comfort zone.
Drinking in secrecy of my knowledge, napping all the time, disconnecting himself from the outside world, snoring was the worse and still standing every day to get his next drink.
This is what you get from an excessive alcoholic
Arms and Legs
• numbness
• tingling and burning
• prickly sensations
• muscle spasms and cramps
• muscle weakness and atrophy
• loss of muscle functioning
• movement disorders
Urinary and Bowel
• incontinence
• constipation
• diarrhea
• problems starting urination
• feeling that the bladder hasn’t been emptied fully
Other
• sexual dysfunction
• impotence
• impaired speech
• difficulty swallowing
• heat intolerance, particularly following exercise
• vomiting and nausea
• dizziness or lightheadedness
When you live with an alcoholic not only your house start to smell like the bottle depot but now you find all his provision hidden.
Secret place for an alcoholic to hide alcohol
- Inside of a toilet tank
- Between a wall with insulation
- Hidden in the addict
- Hidden in the garden shed
- Hidden in the backyard under rocks
- Hidden under the patio deck
- Hidden in the crawling space
- Hidden in the winter close when it’s not winter and vice versa when it’s not summer
- Under the sink in the bathroom
- Inside the vent
- Under the tv stand
- Behind the couch
- Between a picture frame
….I am sure I forget some hidden spot which he always find a way to hide it from me.
Ho! and FYI – if you don’t know at the beginning you obviously going to move the alcohol bottle you have well.. Without knowing, if you do have a bottle of vodka, anything clear it will be replace by him or her with water without you knowing…
Not that I drink often but unfortunately when you invite guess they will tell you, it doesn’t taste anything…lol
But smart as I was – when I was finding hidden bottle of vodka, I was replacing it with water. Why not, he replaces my bottle with water so why would it bother me to do the same. Open all the can beer and drained them. Whatever I was able to find because I was so fed up with this.
I must say – I was doing this the last year I was with him but don’t do this. It doesn’t help, if they are going to drink they will. It will only make them angry and he was an angry man. Trust me I knew by his attitude or his voice that I knew I replace it with water or even the beer was gone. I was thankful he never touches me but just don’t do it.
This is the time you have to decide to move out -
You will realise –
Over times your friends noticed and doesn’t want to be around anymore. The walls are closing on you, your social life is not as it’s seems to be. Anti social is raising from the person who drinks and you feel bad for them but you let it be; hoping it’s only a passage as other went through this and will fight it back.
You almost become a complice to his or her own actions. Then you have your best friends who has been in your life forever but don't do anything to pull you out. They know but with respect they don't say anything. You feel at that moment so lonely because you are thinking if your own best friends doesn't say anything then there is no problem...
Man! this is so wrong - I wish I would have them to speak out to tell me GET OUT! MOVE OUT.... but they didn't....
There is a lot of statistic all around the world – this is not new, there is help, support it’s out there but alcohol is not the only problem it’s the society we live.
The regulation that I think should be triple up towards this.
I can’t imagine even where I live right now as I did divorce him after 10 years because I just couldn’t help him and I was putting myself into a jail seclusion where there is nothing more I can do to save him but even so today every corner I go there is a liquor store.
I divorce him because his anger was increasing as well as the addiction, which scares me so much. I divorce him because I was at a point that I couldn’t hug him anymore. The alcohol was coming out of his skin and the smell was horrible. His lifestyle consumes me and this is where I decided after everything to move on.
Why society is not putting any regulation from the amount of quantity sell on the street. In this society we don’t need a liquor store in every corner. We are not helping people they are creating disease and healthcare, which by the way it’s all of us, who are paying this through our taxes.
At the end of the day – everything needs to be with moderation.
I know life is not easy and some have kids, some have low income, some are abuse. Not worth it. Be smart
Prepare your plan not to kill him or her (Good Lord!) don’t ever do that..
Be a better person then he or she – put your plan together with or without your kids or your pets and move out. Don’t wait 10 years like I did – I should have move after 3 years but me not thinking…
There is life, there is so much out there and the level they reach is not the same as yours and maybe one day God will present them a choice but today is not the day. Today is your day to shine!!
Never give up! Always believe – You are a Blessing in life…
It’s been almost a year without him and I am so bless every day, as I know I made the right choice… You know what is sad through this story.. the same friend who were in my life that I love every day is now with an alcoholic who has an addiction and even though I promise myself to be honest and warn her - she is still with him. That's show you how powerful their manipulation and control can be and maybe when I was in the same scenario I didn't heard her clearly and maybe she is not ready yet herself to hear me.
I just hope God protect her and that she finds freedom after as I am sad to say the stress that is taken on her is a life time lost from other beauty of this world.
Sometimes your destiny is not your final destiny and always looks for the good you have inside of you as you are so powerful.
With all my love
Julie Kenk