Dear Alcohol Letter

Dear Alcohol, I never thought it would come to this. We were always such a great couple, but as I’m sure you are aware, it’s been over 6 months since you last touched my lips. I know this has been a difficult time for both of us. Just like every relationship there is give and there is take. Ours was no different. You gave me some great times, without a doubt. You helped me to feel comfortable in social situations, you gave me a sense of euphoria and invincibility. But there was always a price to pay, wasn’t there? All the time we spent together was just borrowed time. I would lend you hours that would sometimes lead to late nights and early mornings. In return, you demanded hours of suffering in the form of headaches, sour stomachs and lack of sleep followed by regret and depression. Not to mention all the money I spent on you. Let’s just agree, you were not a cheap date.

For years we carried on with this affair, even after I got married and I had two children. You were still there every step of the way. But something was changing in me, I started valuing my time with my wife and children more than I valued my time with you. I know this might be a selfish thing to say, but I started despising you. What you had to offer was no longer feeling like a fair trade. That is when I first brought up the idea of taking a break from you. Just for a while.

That brings me to the reason why I am writing you this letter. Since we split my life changed in unexpected ways. People tend to gain weight after a break-up. I have experienced the opposite effect, I am down 20-lbs, my skin is glowing and I am sleeping better than ever. I am up early every morning and my days have been much more productive. Another positive thing I’ve noticed is that since we stopped hanging out, your friend Cigarettes stopped coming around as well. I know what you are thinking. Cigarettes has nothing to do with this. But I beg to differ. You two were as tight as peanut butter and jelly. But now that you’ve been out of the picture, I haven’t seen Cigarettes in over 5 months. Bottom line is that I’m doing just fine without either of you in my life. In fact I’m doing so well, that at this point, I don’t see any good reason for us to ever get back together.

I do recognize that this isn’t completely over. I don’t think it ever will be, we have too many mutual friends, besides Cigarettes. I still run into them from time to time. You’ll be happy to know that most of them still love you and support you. In fact, many of them can’t believe we aren’t together anymore. I hear it all of the time. They say things like, “What is wrong with you? You were so great together. What a team you made. What a shame. Are you sure you don’t miss alcohol?” My answer to them is the same thing I would tell you. It’s not you that changed, it’s me.

Best of luck.