I just want to be something, to be worth something, to be useful.
I want to love and be loved. I want to know what happiness is, I want to know what joy is.
I just have these chemical imbalances in my brain that make it difficult, and I have this inability to judge where I and another person stand.
I've become more and more afraid to open up because everytime I do I'm promised that they won't turn away.
And I'm learning not to trust it, I'm losing my faith and that's the thing that hurts the worst.
I believe in people, I know there's good in everyone, just sometimes it's hard to see... sometimes it needs a little coaxing. I've just started getting to the point where after so many times of hearing the same empty words that I don't want to believe the next person who says them because I'm afraid that will be a lie as well.
Maybe it's just me, I mean I am the common denominator in this situation. Maybe I'm the one who isn't worthy, maybe I deserve to be alone.
I'm falling further and further behind.
I'm losing my peace of mind.
I'm afraid of what I'll find.
This time I won't cross that line.
I just want somebody who loves me for who I am, and i need to be able to love that person too.
I gave years of my life to someone I didn't think I could love because even if I couldn't have that she should. But it ended up wearing us both down. It almost ruined both of our lives. Is that what it takes? Do I have to be so far removed that it hurts just to find someone who loves me? But I want to love too, not just be loved.
I'm just not happy, and I don't know that I can be, I don't know if I deserve to be. 