Thank you for clarifying how "war" as you're describing it is something internal. That fully makes sense to me.
I love these conversations as well. I think I may be a little confused about how you view judgement verses categorization. I think judgement often has a negative connotation, as you've described, but I also think it can be very useful. If I see an adult hit a child, for example, I make a judgement that a moral wrong has taken place based on my NAP worldview and, if given the opportunity, I'd want to change that situation to protect the innocent. Judgements, to me, are categorizations which fit our moral understanding and biases. I personally don't think narcissism (as I understand it) is very healthy. It can cause mental conflicts and can lead to others being used. I also think it's perfectly find to notice (i.e. categorize) how something fits a pattern without necessarily putting a moral judgement on it. If someone has all the tendencies of a narcissist, for example, but they are uniquely using it for good in the world, that's an amazing thing and worth celebrating and highlighting (IMO) for those who are trapped in destructive narcissism which actually harms others.
I know you don't like ism's and labels, so if it's helpful, you can replace everywhere I said "narcissism" with these bullet points from the post I linked to:
- Exaggerates own importance
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence or ideal romance
- Believes he or she is special and can only be understood by other special people or institutions
- Requires constant attention and admiration from others
- Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
- Takes advantage of others to reach his or her own goals
- Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy
- Is often envious of others or believes other people are envious of him or her
- Shows arrogant behaviors and attitudes
Labels can limit us and stereotypical thinking can make us a little stupid because we start thinking in groups and generalities instead of in terms of individuals and specifics. I get that an appreciate it. I also think labels can help save us some time and categorize and group ideas so they can be discussed as a whole.
Thanks for the enjoyable conversation. I hope you like the NVC stuff! :)