Why I Dont Pay Bribes... And Why I do. Because I Can. Its the faux free market! . Hurdling The Turds of Government - Exclusive To STEEMIT by Elissa Hawke

Fudging Ones way through the landmines of life
Ethical Dilemmas in an Unfree World. Who Doesnt Love Cash Under The Table eh eh Wink Wink Nod Nod, Fell Off The Back Of A Track

Within days of arriving in Mexico I was nearly arrested in a park. Just a greedy bully cop wanting a bribe. Those tourist cops are good.

I was drinking in a park with a lovely young man from Roatan. It was around midnight. We werent causing any noise or jumping anyone. We had pants on.
These two cops kind of furtively approached.
One spoke to me rapidly in spanish, pointed at my can.
I said "lo siento, no español".

The other older (good) cop kind of hung back. His uniform was all creased like he had found it in a toy box and then slept in it for a month. On a bus.

The scary cop repeated his speedy gonzalez routine, louder.

My Roatanian friend was soo helpful to translate. He was probably in on it.
(Maybe not. A few days later I did see him running down the street with a bloody mouth around 10am being chased by 4 cops)

He was a perfect gentleman with me -
"theyre telling you its illegal to drink alchohol in the park and they want you to pay 900pesos"

What.

I lost my shit. And tried to recall how to win at charades.

Two Words. First word One syllable
"GET Faaarked!!! 900 pesos? Youre dreamin... Fuck OFF No! Thats a fucking bribe thats what that is... NO! Absolutely NOT! Faahuck ME

I´m Australian I DONT PAY BRIBES!! NO! You can take me down to the station in fucking handcuffs and arrest me if you want to play hot games but NO I AM NOT PAYING ANY FUCKING BRIBES CockFACE. HOW DARE YOU SCARE ME into giving you, my money! I need to eat! You have a job! You have a paypacket! HOW DARE YOU TAKE THE FOOD OUT OF A WOMANS MOUTH! WHERE are your BALLS? WHHERE IS YOURRR HEART MAAAN????
GO AND PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE.... Midget"

This is commonly called hysteria. The cops just looked at their brown brother from Roatan like "shit, sorry for you, dude, muuuy loca chica". The crumpled cop turned like he´d heard his Mummy calling and the baaad fucker stayed facing me as he backed away as if I was a doberwoman.

Im chasing him off with too much english under my breath, "yes dont look at ME like Im the problem you dirty dog twice as fat as me trying to steal my resources how fucking DARE you Where Is The Respect...."
(I rolled the ´R´)

Romance. It can get you into hot water.

The next time the Mexican cops tried to get a bribe from me I was kissing on the beach at magical Playa Del Carmen. Another ferocious crime without any harmed or injured parties.

Maybe a little sandy crack and some beard rash.

All the guidebooks say skip past Playa, its too touristy, head straight for Tulum.
I met some girls who told me its a fun town so I stepped off the bus. Within 2 hours I met a Mexican man who toured me through the ruins, introduced me to cerviche and jumped me on the hotel rooftop.

Mexican Eurovision, here we come!

The cops came by when we were innocently kissing under the stars, as you do. I might have been missing some clothing, there must have been some reason why all three piggies were pointing at me, yelling "SEX EN LA BITCH!! SEX EN LA BITCH!"

Now I admit my spanglish is not perfect but that is no way to speak to a lady.

Once again, whilst dressing I shooed them off with a bit of Mum elbow grease & some brain freezing shrills existentially attempting to communicate -
"I have NO money DICK HEADS, Theres NO money in any bank. Have you heard that saying cant get blood from a stone Cunt??? What... Do You want the fucking clothes off my back do ya? Oh thats smart then we are right back where we started and YOU¨RE ALL COMPLICIT Ya Fuckknuckles!.

So What the foo will it be fellas HUH??? PISS OFF THE LOT OF YOU" I growled for effect.

Defo too much ingles. Once again they retreated looking despairingly at my mate.
I was noticing a pattern here, the cops looking at me as a white cash cow while these brown boys just sit there looking pretty. Talk about brown privilidge. Its just a tourist scam that works on anyone white enough and more scared of a Mexican prison than I.
Bring it on mofos... how bad can it be.

Holy shit, shouldnt have googled that, looks pretty baad

There are sick people everywhere.
Im no more afraid of being raped in a jail than I am in the supermarket carpark.
Perhaps its just a lot of sitting round drinking tea, chit chatting about sovereignty.

When we lose the fear of jail we become untameable. When I was a kid ohh the shame of jail, was punishment itself. As with all good things when theyre done to death and too great a swathe of your community has been jailed for petty crimes, no harmed or injured parties, by arbitrary, awful, unloreful acts, statutes, ordinences, regulations and the like, its just unnecessary overkill.

Why would we treat anyone the way we treat people in jail. It would be less cruel to kill them. I dont know what we should do with nuiscence people, with sick, damaged people. But if we´re going to house them we must at least feed them well. Have loving people as their carers. Not these sickest and saddest of the rest of us in there taunting them to release our inner demons.

I believe nuiscence people should just be cast on their way... back out into the world for learning their lessons the hard way with someone else, but if they keep coming back... Im an anarchist, I really dont like to use the police "services", I might just kill them with a frypan.

Im a bit Laura Ingalls On The Praerie like that.
Old Skool
Run them a bath and chuck the toaster in

I think I have repressed memories of most other times Ive been honorarily offered the chance to tip cops, but there is one other time I remember... I nearly crumbled.

Driving cross country with a friend. I was petrified the whole way, paranoid as hell, and mainly because some of the road gang cops in towns, just looked like real life pirates. A lot of them were respectful good guys, some, I got the vibe.
Not so much.

Somewhere on the road after about 40hours of driving with a dear friend I had just had a screaming match with, right before beginning the journey (she was driving, I was driving her mad) we got picked on by some bandits. (Cops, in really dodgy unkempt uniforms, like they´d been sleeping in logs).

One of us was smoking a cigarette and they told us its illegal to smoke in your car in that state. I made some joke about the state I was in.

They wanted 400 pesos. My friend and I conferred, no fucking way its a bribe its not a ticket, and she politely declined, and just calmly smiled.
They "asked" again and we kind off both were like "yeah thanks, but naaaah"...

A real dodgy brother uncle type then came over and he had really black teeth and he just looked like he´d come from sacrificing fresh chickens... He stuck his pirate face in her 10cm window crack, peered in, and I just got a really heavy feeling... I was so on the verge of telling my friend, "fuck it, its $25 bucks lets pay it" but I thought my voice would shake, which would be worse.

I knew they could just toy with us like a cat with a ball of string. How long is a ball of torture?
I knew caring was futile at this point so I thought better to not beg for our freedom.
My friend , in her comfy car seat, stood-on-her-square, a Moorish term for owning your truth and not offering another word.
I knew they could strip the car, which contained my whole house full of boxes of crap and papers and dirty underwear.
Always listen to your Mama.

I have seen whole families with Grandma on vacation stopped at the side of the road with all the tyres ripped of the car, the cops searching for drugs.
They could have kept us there all day.

In Mexico the current law is that it is legal to carry 5 grams of marijuana.

Of course I dont want to end up on *BANGED UP ABROAD" or "BORDER SECURITY" or whatever Mexican version they have of that show so Im not unawares, I dont carry anything that could legally harm me.
Besides, it is a wonderful medicine, a herb, a gift of nature that is needed by all!

I could do the commercial.

Michael Phelps won that contract for our generation

But I didnt want to have to do the marijuana commercial for the cops so I was hoping they didnt look in the tea bags at my feet. I SO wanted to say "JUST GIVE HIM THIS 500pesos and lets ROLL" but I didnt....

As the tension turned the whole air to copper the mean pirate shrugged, after looking at my friends driving licence and handing it back to her as if it was a scratchie ticket that didnt have three Cleopatras.

We rolled on, my pancreas dropped back into place and we agreed we need to stop somewhere and have a smoke.
Next service centre we pulled in for fuel and as soon as I rolled my window down the pump guy winked and smiled and went "sniffff....mmmm ladies, MOTAAAAAA".

We hadnt even skinned up yet.

Which suggested to me he could actually smell the pot at my feet.

That, or all my belongings smell like pot.

Sometimes you´re just blessed by angels.
Knowing my legal rights, and enough spanish to say, "this amount is legal for personal use", still wouldnt have been enough to stop them from just toying with us, trying to scare us, trying to get bribes, hold us captive for days, or at the very least, confiscate, oh lets get real, STEAL my little stash.

Well in their dream world that might be okay but over here in reality I am sick of all their games of fear, of repression, of violence, on peaceful people not harming anyone except the miltary/medical/fuel& energy cartels, and their insidious profits from lies and brainwashing.

Go us!
Yessss. 3rd Time lucky

Then a friend actually reminded me I did pay a bribe, at the border, I paid 100 bucks at the border, which seemed like a "fee" because it comes with a stamp. It is like a choice, you can go out for 3 days and then come back in, or you can pay the amount of money youd have to spend if you leave the country for 3 days.

Its an established thing (probably killed now its hit STEEMIT ; )

I forget theyre trying to stamp this sort of thing out and get more official in Mexico.

No one has to do it, its all voluntary, and I consider it the free market slipping in over government. I feel refreshed that Mexican people are not all so brainwashed by their governments that they all toe the line.

I see my own societys civilisation crumbling so to see this rebellion so flagrant is refreshing.
As an anarchist naturally I dont condone courts and cops and governments and borders and all this fuss of some people being hall monitors to the rest of us here on this gigantuous hunk o hunk of burning love.

So yep. Shit. I broke my own rules. But rules are for breaking. So bite me ; )

Follow your conscience. Are you doing the best you can do?

Are you treating others how you´d like to be treated?

Let the governments fall in chips where they may. Skip over their molten rivers of lava laws and out into the open, natural lore.

Man/Wombman cannot have two masters.
You can be governed by your conscience, or you will have government