Hello steemians! I came across on instagram a portrait of a woman by @stosyvone here and I just cannot stop thinking of the book 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. That is why I decided to make one and incorporate it with the poem in the book. So please allow me to post the process of my watercolor and pen artwork as I go through my interpretation of the poem. And I hope you will indulge yourself in the Hannah Baker kind of feeling - portraying the deepest kind of thought in a way of poem making.
You must have already read the book and watched the series and of course we are well aware that the series is a little bit different from the book. But above those, I want to pinpoint the difference of the poem Hannah Baker made which was stolen by Ryan Shaver and published it in Lost-N-Found Gazette.
Originally the poem which was entitled "Soul Alone" that was written in the book goes like this...
you don't even see me
You hardly respond
when I whisper
hello
Could be my soul mate
two kindred spirits
Maybe we're not
I guess we'll never
know
My own mother
you carried me in you
Now you see nothing
but what I wear
People ask you
how I'm doing
You smile and nod
don't let it end
there
Put me
underneath God's sky and
know me
don't just see me with your eyes
Take away
this mask of flesh and bone and
See me
for my soul
alone
But on the series by Netflix, written by Sarah Kay, it was read out loud by Hannah like this...
For the sole purpose of knowing I am wearing them.
And underneath that?
I am absolutely naked.
And I've got skin. Miles and miles of skin;
I've got skin to cover all my thoughts
like Saran Wrap that you can see through
to what leftovers are inside from the night before.
And despite what you might think, my skin is not rough; nor is it bullet-proof.
My skin is soft, and smooth, and easily scarred.
But that doesn't matter, right?
You don't care about how soft my skin is.
You just want to hear about what my fingers do in the dark.
But what if all they do is crack open windows?
So I can see lightning through the clouds.
What if all they crave is a jungle gym to climb for a taste of fresher air?
What if all they reach for is a notebook or a hand to hold?
But that's not the story you want.
You are licking your lips and baring your teeth.
Just once I would like to be the direction someone else is going.
I don't need to be the water in the well.
I don't need to be the well.
But I'd like to not be the ground anymore.
I'd like to not be the thing people dig their hands in anymore.
Some girls know all the lyrics to each other's songs.
They find harmonies in their laughter.
Their linked elbows echo in tune.
What if I can't hum on key?
What if my melodies are the ones nobody hears?
Some people can recognize a tree,
A front yard, and know they've made it home.
How many circles can I walk in before I give up looking?
How long before I'm lost for good.
It must be possible to swim in the ocean of the one you love without drowning.
It must be possible to swim without becoming water yourself.
But I keep swallowing what I thought was air.
I keep finding stones tied to my feet.
The first poem as Ryan interprets it is a cover-up of self-acceptance. That Hannah Baker does not want to directly pour it out in the poem the non-acceptance of oneself so she blames it to her mother as a primary person that can really supposedly know her, but again only sees her as what she wears. For me, Hannah tried to convince herself that she is worth loving and that she herself first should know that before expecting anybody else to do the same. But her confidence is killing her because of the environment that keeps proving her she's worthless and a good-for-nothing girl that only lives by what she wears and does not deserve to be understood by her soul alone.
The second poem on the other hand for me shows no cover-up. It is what it is as it was beautifully written. It was a poem of Yearning. Hannah Baker first learns that people want to see what they seem fit for satisfaction; that no matter what she believes in herself it does not matter because other people see as to what they want to see; that they do not care to really understand her soul underneath her skin.
She yearns for peace. She yearns to crack the windows open to see the lightning, to climb the jungle to taste the fresher air, to have a notebook to hold. And sadly that is not what community defines "fun". She struggles to find the harmony in friendship that other people do to synchronize. Some people have their homes and she cannot even find home in herself. So she keeps yearning for something good, something to find that will not make her lost, something true.
So that inspires me to make the background a taste of the sky and the ocean. These are something true that Hannah would likely want to go into- the skies or the water. She can fly and float and swim, and find serenity, find home in herself. Feel it under her skin and drown her thoughts in the ocean where it is free of judgment and torture. A place to find mental health and soul satisfaction. And I think that is what we all should seek, something that defines our satisfaction and something that is friendly to our mental state which keeps us sane and able.
That would be it for now steemians! Thank you for reading and I hope you like it! :)
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