You engage my mind wholly so I had to take a minute.
Dang! You are such a powerful poet!
The appreciation I have for these words is insane. Thank you. I am learning how to accept this gracefully.
Yes, I do. Because it's mostly what I feel. I am working to change that.
I was never told to love myself. That is a lesson I stumbled on as I was trying to clear up the dense mental fog that had engulfed me. My trauma felt like a disorder for the longest time until I had a name for it.
I am sensitive which didn't help at all and the emotional environment I grew up in couldn't figure that out. I was then termed as difficult and too rigid to figure out... and hence the bottling of anything and everything.
In my teens especially.
And so to answer this...
So where does your urge to not love yourself come from?
Shame.
Yeah. My son suffered from that. Brought to him by the schools and doctors. He was very sensitive, too, and could "read minds" and intentions, which isn't conducive to acceptable behavior in schools. I suppose a lot of the "blame" rests with me, because I trusted all those negative entities, as we have been indoctrinated to do, and tried to force him to comply.
It's awful. And it's false. You are extraordinary. Nothing worse than that.
What a special soul! I am confident there's nothing you did to cause harm. You just put trust where we assume we all should and we all should but then those in charge of these institutions should be more rigorous as they are choosing who to represent them.
People should be doing what they are called to do not aping into careers that require more than their mechanical abilities. Thank you so much for your understanding always. It means more than my gratified words.