Dear Steemians.
I have a confession to make.
I've been to jail.
Twice.
But not over something heinous and despicable that you would expect. I'm no criminal. I'd never hurt a soul unless it was in self or to somebody else's defense. Save for tattoos on my knuckles and forearms, most people would consider me a decent dude.
But I have been to jail twice.
I'll tell you the story about how I landed in jail the second time and I'll save the first one for another story over coffee or tea. The second time I got thrown in jail, was of all places, Norway.
I guess there's just not enough tattooed Hispanic looking dudes running around the country selling drugs and stealing their women, that I for some reason, immediately caught their attention as soon as I tried to cross the border.
My French car.
Whatever the case, as I was making my way towards the border I got flagged by this huge blonde Norwegian border patrol. I don't know what this dude's diet was but he definitely looked like somebody you didn't wanna mess with.
He approached my car and then lit a flashlight on my face.
The following conversation ensued...
Roided up Blonded Dude: "Where are you from?"
Cool Dude from California (me): "California."
Roided up Blonded Dude: "Your license plate says it's from France."
Cool Dude from Cali: "Yes?"
Cool Dude from Cali: "Well, I picked it up from Paris and now here I am."
The Blonde dude changed his tone and became sterner...
Roided up Blonded Dude: "Are you carrying any drugs in this car?"
Cool Dude from Cali: "What? Whoa. No! I'm just here to take pictures, man...You know. PHOTOS."
Roided up Blonded Dude: "If are honest with me tell me you have drugs right now it will be easier for you."
Cool Dude from Cali(me): "Man...Seriously? I am not carrying drugs!"
He sighed with disappointment and then motioned me to park my car around the corner. He disappears into a nearby building and came out with a much shorter less imposing guy who looked like he had more medals than his tiny little frame can carry - likely it was the big dude's commander or whatever they call them at state trooper level.
They proceeded to grill me about the drugs and then rummaged through my belongings inside my car and found no drugs. I reasoned that I didn't come to Norway to go on a date with Mary Jane to reefer party at 4:20. I came to Norway to photograph the green landscape not to play with weed!
They would believe none of it. They went back inside the building and returned with two dogs.
It was then I realized the gravity of the situation.
They had me surrounded by a squadron of fucking drug-sniffing dogs who can probably maul me to death with their sharp fangs or infect me with rabies. The dogs started sniffing around the car when the big blonde dude told me to follow him into the building.
I followed him to a jail cell and then he locks me inside. To my surprise, the cell looked very cozy. I mean, that shit was spacious yo! Hell, it looked better than half the hostels I've stayed at during the trip! It had a reclining couch, a 60 inch flat-screen TV, and a tiny little fridge with drinks.
I thought to myself, well if they're going to detain me here, I don't fucking mind! I've been sleeping in the car for the last 3 days a little break in this comfy jail cell wouldn't be that bad.
The big guy went outside to go to talk to his commander. While he was out, I made myself comfortable. I got me a cold one from the fridge and reclined myself on that couch and turned the TV on to watch a Norwegian soap opera.
About an hour later the big dude came back and uttered the most cringe-worthy sentence I have ever heard in my entire life...
"Take your clothes off."
I spewed the beverage I was drinking out of my nostrils so hard it could have reached as far away as Timbuktu. I can't even begin to express the kind of shit that went through my head with this big oaf of a dude standing there looking at me. I said to myself, I'm going down fighting if this guy tries something.
I mustered the only question I could: "Say what?"
"I have to check to see if you're hiding anything." He said.
Feeling awkward and running out of options. I hesitantly took my clothes off and stripped naked in front of this guy. I don't know what this guy's up to but I never had any homosexual desires running through my loins. Like ever.
Having grown up in a society where nakedness is viewed as taboo, you can imagine what I felt like in that situation.
And naked in front of another dude?
What could be worse?
Well, let me tell you...
See the picture of the pornstar Janine Lindemulder below?
Source: Blink 182 Album Cover - Enema Of The State.
What do you think happened next?
"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness." - Mark Twain
All photos are taken and articles are written by Adonis Villanueva of Always Wanderlust unless otherwise stated.
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You was lucky man, Norwegian prisons are like hotels :D
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That's right :)
I believe what is going to happen is that the dude rape you?
Anyways, a great story here from your usual photographs which you shot. I didn't know that your writing ablities are as good as your photos. Upvoted!
Nope, I would go down 6 feet under before any dude rapes me :)
Wow that is hard afiqsejuk
When I got to the point the officer asked you to take your clothes off, I lost it. I laughed so hard. You asked what was next, I am guessing they gave you a cavity search lol.
I don't feel like I have to divulge any information any further than that.
You tell stories in such a comedic way! I really had no problem reading your story. Usually I drift off because I have a short attention span. I bet if it was really Janine giving that search, you would have enjoyed it. Sorry you experienced that. People can suck.
:)
Good post !!
Haha, I like your funny style of writing... cool story so far, I hope I didn't end bad ;)
Well, there's only one way one hand latex glove will end and it's never good :p
Excellent post.
Why thank you, glad I can entertain at my expense.
Really funny, anyway what happened next I want to know.
No, you don't. You really don't.
hehehe i knew that following you would eventually get something interesting xD ahhaha
like how you write, it's really catchy
It caught something alright.
Ouch! So sorry you had to go through that, but thanks for sharing the story! :)
Yeah, not pleasant.
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What a cliffhanger! A story to pass down to your future kids one day haha.
I'm not sure I can have kids after that!
Next??? There was an elephant with a large trunk who blew out the story... (that is what we tell the kids in the Netherlands)
I'm sorry that you had to go through this, it is unbelievable that they would put you in a cell just based on suspicion. Seems like abuse of power to me. I hope they let you go...
That's the cliffhanger, isn't it? It was classic profiling as profiling could be. You know who really smuggles drugs? It's the normal people from Norway that pass through those borders every day. Why pick me?
because everyone hates the French except the French ;) (oh, I do hope that I won't get downvotes for this)
Why? It's funny!
Not everyone gets my sense of humour ;)
Oh, trust me, nobody gets mine ;)
sounds like a challenge to me :)
I'm for sure no drug smuggler, but I can attest that it's extremely rare to be stopped at the Norwegian/Swedish border, regardless of transportation mode. I must admit that some few times after arriving at home I've started counting the amount of alcoholic beverages we bought abroad and realized ... damn, I would have had to serve prison time if they had stopped me!
This summer it's been a bit extreme though. Already previous summer I observed customs people stopping cars coming out from a ferry from Sweden. This summer I've been travelling quite much between Copenhagen, Gothenburg and Oslo, and I've had my ID documents checked several times, and questions about my luggage once (but he didn't want to inspect it). There was one dude on the train that ran into problems after going from Copenhagen to Malmö because he didn't have a passport. It's probably due to the immigration "crisis". Usually the customs only care about inbound traffic, but once there was even customs officers going through the train on the outbound trip. They stopped a random dude and asked if he had cash with him - but he just said "no" and they continued. I actually had significant amounts of cash with me on that trip, and was uncertain on how much it's allowed to bring over the borders.
I heard of a friend of my wife hitch hiking, I believe it was over the Russian/Norwegian border ... she was rather unlucky, the car she got a hitch with was indeed smuggling drugs - hidden in the seats of the car. I think she didn't get into legal troubles due to that, but she got rather thorougly checked. I didn't hear anything about cavity searches though.
As for your experiences ... I can't believe they can have done this without having a very good reason for it. Maybe they were searching for someone else. Maybe they got some tip. Maybe someone hates you and tipped them off. No, the police can't search you like that without a probable cause, but the border customs can! We always joke about the cavity searches, I never thought they were doing that for real though.
I had some colleagues that traveled to Costa Rica - with transit tickets through some airport in the US. Transit. I've never heard about people having to go through customs control when being in transit on an international airport - but apparently in the US that's normal. On their return the customs officers was like opening the suitcase and just emptying it recklessly. They had to undress too, but no cavity search ... and they probably got to keep the underwear on. When the customs were done with the search, they got like ten seconds to get the clothes on, repack the bags and get out of there!
We've had quite some border experiences in the Eastern Europe and former Soviet ... but at least I've never had to undress or had cavity searches.
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Looks like a model of car I have never seen.
It's a Renault Captur. It was just released during this time that I leased it in France.
Where's the concluding part of this post bro? Hope you weren't molested?
I'm too old to be molested :)
I've already Resteemed it,
@racoo
holy cow!
:p
As a follower of @followforupvotes this post has been randomly selected and upvoted! Enjoy your upvote and have a great day!
Great Story & Post!
Thanks for sharing & Steem On !
Thanks :)
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I want to talk to the world.
That makes perfect sense!
This post has received a 8.3 % upvote from @boomerang thanks to: @adonisabril
I guess it's not just the United States that goes overboard in trying to catch drug traffickers/users. How bizarre!
Well, Norway has their reasons...Personally, I'm on the side of "Personal Responsibility" hence the reason I'm in a somewhat decentralized platform as Steemit...I think the US should legalize the fuck out of drugs and be rid of the drug cartels :)
You're so nice for commenting on this post. For that, I gave you a vote! I just ask for a Follow in return!
The stash you stored in a condom up your ass fell out & your were so busted...
Damn you got me!
Oh shit. Good story. You just reminded me of when I got searched driving from Amsterdam into Germany. I did have drugs. I don't know why I haven't written that story yet. I'm gonna go do that right now.
I got searched on the way out of Amsterdam too! You'd think Europeans would be more liberal smh.
I'll go ahead and give away the end of the story. They found a few joints and said we didn't have enough to bother caring about, and told us to fuck off. Here in Texas we might have been shot by a trigger happy cop.
tell the rest of the story
It's sad that they resort to all this without any solid proof that you're a criminal. Waiting for the next part! :D
Just the way it's done in Norway...without probable cause :)
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hahaha great story!! love the way you wrote it! defiantly had me cracking up!! and the cop checked if your were keister packing something at the end! there is no doubt about that hahaha
lol :)
emotional story dude
Your story is a sad and interesting one but sometimes we find ourselves in a very difficult situation that we can't defend ourselves. How can you see a dude ask him "are you carrying drugs in this car" ? I really feel about your ordeal.
The sad part...I wasn't carrying anything!
That's the saddest thing. But the most important thing is that you are no more there.
First impression can be deceiving, lol
it was a good opportunity to compare some hotel rooms to a jail cell, don't mean you should carry drugs the next time you hit the road. Nice article 👍
I wouldn't be that obvious if I was :)
You take your clothes off, and they didn't find anything so they let you go.
It is common practice in my country for police to stop you and search a car without a probable cause. They say it is a routine search. I was pleasantly surprised in Germany when I drove a car and nobody have pulled me aside ever (1 year as a lorry driver)
Yeah but you can imagine coming from a totally different background (especially the strip part) the officers would get sued in the US if that ever happened. It's like a massive culture shock ))
Yea that would be shocking. I can see people faces when they get here on summer vacation and policeman stops them. Something that is common to us it is completely socking for them.
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Even though I have homosexuell desires run through my lions, this would have been awful and nothing compared to the two times US immigration pulled into second questioning.
The US immigration is horrendous! I've heard horror stories!
Wow, what a story!
When I hitchhiked to Norway this summer with a friend and crossed over with a ferry from Denmark, we were the only ones on the whole ferry to be pulled over by the immigration officers. They made us unpack our bags and led some dogs in, but when the dogs did not find anything they let us go. Probably we were lucky to look German, so we neither went to prison nor did they make us undress!
You ended your story with a real cliffhanger and looking at the photo, I guess that the immigration officers turned out to be aliens and inserted you an anal probe? At least that's what would have happened in south park! :D
It's best left to the imagination, lol!
Interesting story ! Even if I find the fact they sent you to jail with literally no reason disgusting. Anyway, if you enjoyed your time and it was more comfortable than their own hotels, that tells a lot about their hotel services haha. Cops are like that, they never really act logically. The closest I got to being arrested was one night when I came back from a club on a bike, maybe I was speeding too fast, so the police car just came next to me and said "calm down" but I guess this was more for my own safety :D
I guess it's standard procedure to strip people naked over there...but whatever.
haha from "California " a ges did the trick
i come from Norway and had dreads before a always getting stoppet when a was abroad
drug dog etc. but in Norway zero problem once i had a bike with me of the customs officers to offer me and help me and carry haahha....
That's not fair...
ye..
a gess the combo of being from usa and the car. but its a good story now maby not when it happend,
A great story I read today, life sucks others
so looks like he got what he wanted after all 😉🤣
Well once I was arrested for sitting in a square talking to my friends, and if I guess what happened ... They check your insides.
well that's just facist :)
Awesome story. I guess that's one of the many reasons travelling can be educational :D
More knowledge than I bargained for.
Did i say2 fingers? I meant 3
-stiffler
I'll take a pinky!
Nice to read something a bit different and down to earth, will keep an eye out for more!
Pd: If I ever have to go to jail a Norwegian one would be my first choice, read somewhere some even have playstations..