This week has had its highs and lows, I have made some mistakes and made some progress.
- I got my motorcycle registered.
- I fixed the essential issues on the bike.
- I spent the weekend with my beautiful daughter.
- I had a better grip on my emotions.
The lows:
- I've been caught up and been busy I didn't stay consistent with my meditation.
- I did something without thinking and come to find out, I wasn't ready for that step.
- I got overwhelmed and let it affect me.
- I wasn't humble enough to see some good that others were doing for me.
- I didn't say "thank you" enough.
I am aware I'm still in a dark place and not ready for some things. currently, I only seeking self-growth while being aware that I am still in a lot of pain, it has been a true test of will lately and at most times I have thought about giving all up. I hope in time I can see clearly again, I know now that are people that are hoping the best for me and I hope I can get through it. What most people can't see is that I'm a broken man trying my best, throughout several years I've given up and lost parts of myself , I reached a point now that I don't know who I am.
I know somethings and some people cannot see certain things they do for what it is, I understand I've been lied to, manipulated and used. (I am not a "victim" I was just blinded by my own stupidity)
I know that the actions you do when you are in mental or emotional pain affect the others around you, they can leave others with your pain as well.
The world can be a dark place when your eyes are closed.
I know you must not ever pity yourself, it will only make it worse., will only make you weak.
Do not think everyone has the best intentions for you, because they rarely do.
Be able to make your own thoughts and rely on yourself(or get to a point where you can).
learn from your mistakes. learn from your past.
Question your actions and thoughts, make sure you never justify or make excuses why you did what you did.
Learn to respect yourself, have a code and enforce it.
No one can truly fix you but you.
my foster mother once told me something once that has been stuck in my head, "if you can read write and understand, you can do anything".
I know somethings I will not tolerate anymore.
- Dishonest people.
- People who cheat. (manipulators)
- Self-pitty
thank you to whoever has read this, It just the ramblings of a broken man.