A LOOK INSIDE My Brain
Ever since I was very little, I’ve loved using my imagination. I think every child is born with the artistic gift of imagination and creativity. The white carpeted floors are suddenly turned into lava, where pillows are the only rocks you can step on without burning yourself. Shallow swimming pools become the deepest seas filled with mermaids, pirates, and treasures hidden beneath the surface. Cardboard boxes become rocket ships in need of an astronaut for the adventure of a lifetime throughout the galaxy.
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for these adventures to fade away as we each get older. The carpet is suddenly just, well, a carpet. The pool is just a hole in the ground filled with water, and cardboard boxes? Well, sometimes we recycle those.
|| Anybody with artistic ambitions is always trying to reconnect with the way they saw things as a child.–Tim Burton ||
So often, I find myself in the same little world I created in my head as a younger child. I am almost constantly daydreaming and viewing things a little differently. This is especially common between the hours of 12 am and 3 am, or when I go on walks. I don’t really talk about it much though. In fact, this is basically the first I’ve shared it with anyone. I suppose the main reason why is because I am usually stuck in this place between wanting to hide from society but still wanting to communicate this more imaginative part of my brain to someone and “let them in.” I’m a pretty quiet person and I don’t talk very much (just ask my friends), but despite that, my thoughts are very loud at times. So, that brings us to the title of this blog post. I’m going to do my best to provide a look inside of my head and my thoughts, into this world that I have kept hidden away.
For starters, I’ve always been a lover of the forest. I’ve found that being surrounded by pine trees, running creeks, and woodland creatures is a very comforting, calming thing for me. I mention this place in plenty of my songs; songs that have been finished, produced, and shared, as well as others that have been abandoned halfway through in my journal. Writing about this ethereal escape is just not enough for me, though. I am a very visual person. I try to create mental images in my original music and through writing, but find it a little difficult at times to really share what is going on in my head. Recently however, I’ve found that painting is also a satisfying form of self-expression. So I finally grabbed a wooden paintbrush and some bright watercolors, and recreated it (to the best of my ability) on paper.
Aside from finding comfort in the solitude of the forest alone, I’ve also dreamed up a place which includes a lighthouse, a dark sea with a blanket of fog resting on it, and a little abandoned cabin in the woods. Once again, I wrote a song which I plan on recording in the future called ‘Lighthouse,’ that tells the story of my journey through this land and the characters I meet along the way. In addition to the song, I have also painted a couple of pictures that represent this little part of my world.
Remember how I mentioned a foggy sea in the last paragraph? It turns out that cold, foggy settings are also something I personally connect with. That is an atmosphere I feel calm and at times creative in, and there is something very mysterious about a thick layer of fog. It hides what is directly in front of you. Sometimes, my brain feels like a vast world with a layer of fog covering every thought. Some days, the fog is lifted and I can think clearly and see what is lying underneath the surface. Other days however, the mist settles and hides every emotion and every idea, and everything goes numb. Anxiety sneaks in on occasion, but other times my mind is blank. It’s this weird thing where it becomes very loud in my head, and yet I can’t hear my own thoughts. During times like this, I can especially relate to songs such as “Where Is My Mind” (Sunday Girl’s cover version I particularly love) as well as “Crawl” and “Hide and Seek” by Holly Henry. In addition to listening to music, I also look for art – illustrations in particular – to help bring the emotions into something I can physically see.
In conclusion, art is and always has been my outlet. Its very therapeutic for me during times of anxiety as well as in my own personal experience with depression. I am so passionate about creativity and the use of imagination, as it is also the only way I know how to truly express myself and connect on a deeper level. I only reached the tip of the iceberg in this post, but I hope I’ve provided a decent look inside for anyone interested in learning a little about me, the way I think, and why I am the way I am. I want to encourage you to find your outlet, and share it with someone if you’d like. You never know who you may inspire, help, or who may be able to relate to you.