You poor dear, I hope you can get the help you need. I'd love to give advice, but it seems that you have anxiety and sadness so great maybe a professional will help?
Obviously, going out and getting exercise is really good and important for all our mental and physical health, but again I don't know what it is you are going through. So, I hope you find your way and at least your fellow Steemians will be behind you. :)
I'm exercising all the time, sometimes it's everything that keeps me alive. Thank you for your support!