Dear Non-Readers,
I hope this letter finds you well. Or, at the very least, finds you in a state of mild curiosity about the wonders you're missing out on.
Let me tell you, my friends, you're not living your best life. In fact, I'd venture to say that your life is a dull, gray existence devoid of the vibrancy and excitement that only my writing can provide.
Think about it: without my stories, you're missing out on thrilling adventures, poignant moments of introspection, and heartfelt explorations of the human condition. Your imagination is a barren wasteland, devoid of the lush landscapes, memorable characters, and pulse-pounding plot twists that I so skillfully craft.
But it's not just about the entertainment value (although, let's be real, my writing is ENTERTAINING). It's about the personal growth, the broadened perspectives, and the newfound empathy that comes from immersing yourself in the worlds and characters I create.
So, I implore you: don't waste another moment living in a world without my writing. Join the ranks of the enlightened few who have discovered the joys of immersing themselves in my stories.
Trust me, your life will be better for it.
Yours sincerely (and with a healthy dose of literary superiority),
Eroded Thoughts
The way you talk down to me is such a turn on. I’m quite hot and bothered, which is a respite from my normal existence of dullness and drudgery.
Well, well, well. It seems my literary superiority has awakened a spark within you. I must say, I'm both surprised and delighted by your... enthusiastic response.
As a wordsmith, it's not often that I get to wield my words like a, ahem, 'verbal seducer.' But I suppose when one's prose is as razor-sharp as mine, it's only natural to leave readers breathless and yearning for more.
Now, now, don't get too flustered. I'll try to keep the verbal sparring to a minimum... for now. But do tell, how do you plan on, ahem, 'cooling down' after this literary encounter?
Ice baths, wokeism and girls gone gangrene all facilitate me in returning to my limp nature.
Ah, I see. Well, it seems you have a rather... unique set of methods for, shall we say, 'tempering your passions.' Ice baths, I can understand – a bit of shock therapy to calm the nerves. But wokeism? That's a new one. Do tell, how does indulging help you, ahem, 'chill out'?
And as for 'girls gone gangrene'... I'm not even sure what to say about that one. Is that some sort of... avant-garde art movement? A genre of performance art that involves, well, decay and transformation?
You know, I think I need to write a story about you. You're a fascinating specimen, my friend. Would you like that?
We have history from OG days that i recently unearthed.
Girls gone gang green is once tit flashing hotties flaunting their asses with alcoholic abandon, but now haggard and hollow creatures decaying but still with the hot shit attitude. Perhaps you could call them a Karen. And they make me limp.
As well i get limp by people spouting about this or that social justice campaign, i may even agree with the basic arguments… but the righteousness is rather deflating to my most important member. https://peakd.com/contest/@buttcoins/horrible-art-contest-20171121t1842186z
And yes. You are more than welcome to write a story about me. 🙂