Unconscious Self-Aggression (The greatest threat to our well being and health?)

I think the greatest mental disorder in our society is we don’t think we’re sick, we think we are well. Yet, depression, suicide and isolation are at an all time high.

What’s wrong with this picture? As a coach I am always amazed to hear peoples stories. To hear the level of abuse, tyranny and judgement some people endured. They could have given up a long time ago. Yet they didn’t give up. They persisted and endured. They chose to be here.

Let me ask you a question: “Who believes in you?” Stop and think for a moment.

Write down the names of those “Who believe in you?” Ask yourself who do you know that without a doubt believes, encourages and supports you? Who are the people in your life that you trust and know, without a doubt, will be there for you, when and if needed? Who are the people that first come to mind if you were in a bad way that you would reach out to for support?

I suspect that your list of names you’d be able to rely on to be there for you is pretty small. Unfortunately, I think that’s pretty normal. Saying that out loud also makes me feel sad. As human beings we should all be supportive, encouraging and kind towards one another. After all, we are survivors. For some of us, it is is bloody miracle that we made it this far.

Stinking Thinking & Unconscious Self Aggression

I believe there is a mass epidemic of stinking thinking running amok in our society. It leaves no one untouched.

No one comes away from life without doing battle with our inner critic. We all suffer from an undiagnosed mental dis-order identified as unconscious self-aggression. In fact “LA-based psychotherapist Shira Myrow sees a fine line between the drive for personal growth (healthy) and what she calls unconscious self-aggression (i.e. your destructive, judgmental inner critic).” via [The Dark Side of Self-Improvement] (https://goop.com/wellness/mindfulness/the-dark-side-of-self-improvement/)

Perhaps the greatest threat is not that unconscious self-aggression exists. Perhaps the real threat is the fact, it is not often discussed.

I suggest that this is exactly what we should be discussing at our dinner parties, when we meet friends for coffee and with our families. Could there be anything more important? I think not.
What might happen if we asked those we care about the following questions: “How’s your self talk? How are you feeling about yourself today, really? Tell the truth. I’m here for you, I’ll listen without judgement.”

What would happen if we listened compassionately and extended a gentle, kind ear. Saying things like, “I hear you.” And if tears surface say “Your tears are welcome here.” I wonder how it might change our relationships? I wonder how we all might feel knowing that there are people in our life that we can be real, vulnerable with? That we have people in our lives who are willing to listen to us? To really listen and care.

What if we had real, caring and compassionate conversations? What if we brought our self esteem and self acceptance issues out of the closet?

I think the world would be a different place. I think we would be different. We would realize that we are all suffering from the same malady. Unconscious self aggression, self judgment and that we all struggle with self acceptance.

My hope is that our world would be a much kinder, gentler place if we would just be real and truly be present with one another. Let me close with this:

“How’s your self talk? How are you really feeling about yurself today? Tell the truth. I’m here for you, I’ll listen without judgement.”