Hi, guys!
Prishlos' vremenno postavit' zhizn' na pauzu, potomu chto sluchilos' obostreniye moyego psikhicheskogo rasstroystva, i ya prakticheski nichego ne mogu delat'. Segodnya ya prezhde, chem prosnut'sya, provela v posteli pochti 16 chasov, eto uzhasno mnogo, no nakonets-to smogla otkryt' glaza i pishu post. YA nadeyus' chto tak kak ya soglasilas' so svoim sostoyaniyem ono bystro proydet i ya snova smogu rabotat'. Poka chto ya ostavila v zhizni tol'ko trenirovki i nemnogo raboty, a vse ostal'noye vremya provozhu v posteli. Nadeyus' eto pomozhet i skoro vse proydet. Bol'she vsego ya boyus' chto eto zatyanetsya, potomu chto obychno moi obostreniya ochen' dolgiye. No seychas ya khochu pokazat' svoyemu organizmu chto vse v poryadke i yemu nechego boyat'sya i nadeyus', chto on menya poslushayet. Terpet' ne mogu, kogda on nachinayet mnoy manipulirovat'. Nadeyus' my smozhem bystro dogovorit'sya. Poka chto ne znayu, poluchitsya ili net. Navernoye segodnya ya tozhe ochen' rano lyagu spat', chtob chuvstvovat' sebya spokoyneye. Tak budet luchshe. No ya prodolzhayu rabotat' nad tekstom i trenirovat'sya, chtob moy plan khot' nemnogo prodvigalsya vpered, ya ne mogu prosto tak vzyat' i vse brosit'. Pust' ya ne vypolnyu ves' plan, no vypolnyu khotya by chast'. Teper' ya reshila, chto ne budu nichego brosat' na polovine, kak by tyazhelo mne ni bylo prodvinat'sya vpered. Progress dolzhen prodolzhat'sya. Pust' medlenngo, no ya budu idti k svoyey tseli. Poetomu pust' segodnya ya ostayus' v posteli, no ya vse ravno prodolzhayu rabotat' nad tekstom, prosto v komfortnoy mne atmosfere. Nichego strashnogo, vse boleyut vremya ot vremeni, i ya tozhe. Prosto eto nado perezhit' s minimal'nymi poteryami. Tak chto seychas ya sdelayu sebe chashechku kofe i prodolzhu rabotu. Pust' medlenno, no delo budet idti vpered, i eto ne dast mne oshchushchat' lishnyuyu trevozhnost'. Tak budet luchshe i dlya dela, i dlya menya. Vsem otlichgnogo dnya!
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I had to temporarily put my life on hold because my mental disorder has worsened and I can hardly do anything. Today I spent almost 16 hours in bed before waking up, that's an awful lot, but I was finally able to open my eyes and am writing a post. I hope that since I have come to terms with my condition, it will pass quickly and I will be able to work again. For now, I have only left workouts and a little work in my life, and I spend the rest of my time in bed. I hope this will help and everything will pass soon.
What I am most afraid of is that it will drag on, because usually my exacerbations are very long. But now I want to show my body that everything is fine and it has nothing to fear and I hope that it will listen to me. I can't stand it when it starts manipulating me. I hope we can quickly come to an agreement. I don't know yet whether it will work or not. I will probably go to bed very early today too, to feel calmer. It will be better that way.
But I continue to work on the text and train so that my plan moves forward at least a little, I can’t just up and give up. Even if I don’t complete the entire plan, I’ll complete at least part of it. Now I’ve decided that I won’t give up halfway, no matter how hard it is for me to move forward. Progress must continue. Even if it’s slow, I’ll move towards my goal. So even if I stay in bed today, I’ll still continue working on the text, just in an atmosphere that’s comfortable for me. It’s okay, everyone gets sick from time to time, and so do I. I just need to get through it with minimal losses.
So now I’ll make myself a cup of coffee and continue working. Even if it’s slow, things will move forward, and this will prevent me from feeling unnecessary anxiety. It will be better for both the work and for me.
Have a great day, everyone!
