Recently I visited my family to see what's up and to eat for free. However, this encounter made me realize how my parents, unlike me, really have their shit together. That's why I decided to make a short list of things I noticed they do and I don't. LET'S GO!
The fridge of my parents is magically always full. I don't who does it and how it happens. On the other hand, my fridge is anything but magical. My roommate got the upper shelf so her old vegetables are constantly sweating and dropping their shit on my stuff, which is literally a pack of eggs and one zucchini. And one very old can of mayo, but I'm too afraid to even touch it.
Also, my parents have a cabinet filled with bottles of good liquor for the guests. They don't drink because they have their shit together. On the other hand, me and my roommate have 2 half-empty cans of beer in the already mentioned sweaty fridge and approximately 25 empty bottles of wine standing next to our sink which we are too lazy to bring to the dumpster.
My mother has her balconies and a terrace full of flowers and plants which she gently waters, hugs and kisses every evening. I had a little pine tree, reminiscence of the last Christmas, sitting on my window. I was watering it and bragging about it constantly. I even gave it a name and decided to take care about it for the end of our short earthly lives. It died in suffrage.
My parents have their friends over and they sip tea out of beautiful little tea set my mother got for anniversary. They talk about their daily life and giggle while biting on the cake my mother prepared in advance. Me and my roommate, since incapable of normal human interaction in this post-modern GAME which we call life, with future complete automatization and robotization hanging above our heads like a ominous anticipation – we just drink wine and complain. And then we don't put the bottles away, because we're trash.
My father has his own glass bottle and he drinks 2 liters of water daily, because he's a fit middle-aged man and he knows it's healthy for his bod. I, on the other hand, kept avoiding drinking water today because we're out of toilet paper and god knows my roommate won't buy it. Although we aaaaaall know it's her turn to do so. But I won't tell her what I want from her, because I'm a passive-aggressive basic bitch and I'll just wait until her bladder explodes.
My parents have their own little pharmacy box with every possible medicine you could imagine. If I told them I have the black plague, they would somehow figure it out. Here, on the other hand, I have few bandages which date from the Soviet Union era and, of course, my allergy medicine. Basically, I'm allergic to pollen. Also, I think the pine is trying to kill me this way.
My parents have their finances figured out. They sure do complain about the money, but I think it's because of the peer pressure. Me, on the other hand, ALWAYS complain about the money, and believe me, there's no pressure here whatsoever. I'm happy only one week after I get paid. And then, god knows how, I get broke. Surely buying alcohol and cigarettes doesn't help the cause, but still.
I told you I'm trash.
Yours truly,
Magda
I wish my parents were like that...
don't worry @ophidia, in case you somehow catch the black plague, I'll pass you their contact number!
And just look what I have on my balcony... Look how nice your's could have become... Do you feel guilty for killing that poor little thing..?
And I am quite sure you made up the whole polen thing just to have an excuse...
Now, really, are all parents the same? :)
hahahaha @nkera this really cracked me up! look at my pine at all of its glory. and take this as a warning - your pine might be all pretty right now, but life is a gamble!
I will show this picture to my tree as a warning if it starts misbehaving with polen...
WITH
FIRE!
hjaj my dear @hoboway, you're even more lovely than miss Schumer herself!
FREE Food :)
never tasted better! :D
You evoked a booger with this one, well done ;) Now, to the bathroom, for a tissue.
I would gladly offer you a tissue, but I'm currently using them as toilet paper :/