When I originally slated this post into my schedule, I was planning to talk about helping your kids reach their goals. It seemed like such a great idea. Honestly, it probably is but as I’m at the stage of parenting where I’m convincing my oldest that using the toilet all the time should be her goal (with limited success) I am going to switch gears a little.
We are living in a time where parenting is more intense than it’s ever been in the course of human history. Families are smaller, so in theory, parents have more time to dedicate to each child. But, we arguably have less time because it is often necessary for both parents to work. As I’ve discussed before, being a working parent is a new thing for me (although a dear friend kindly pointed out that this is definitely a racial thing. My sisters-of-color have had their mothers work outside the home for generations) and I’m faced with making some decisions about the kind of parent I want to be.
There are a few areas where I’ve looked to my lived experience and decided that I want to do the opposite. My mom struggled with depression for ten years before getting help, that translated to ages 5 to 15 for me. I am grateful to live in a time where we can discuss this more openly because I refuse to allow a mental illness to dictate the kind of parent I am. The kind of parent I strive to be is on that values my own mental health. I think many of us, regardless of whether mental illness is the culprit or not, can appreciate how exhausting it can be to have a different version of our parents from minute to minute. My kids don’t deserve that.
There are also areas of my life where I’ve looked to my lived experience and decide to adopt a mantra. For example, one of my aunts decided early in her parenting career that when it came to the house “any job worth doing is worth doing badly.” I have to admit that adopting that mantra has helped to save my, and my spouses, sanity. Doing something is better than doing nothing.
As a parent, I’ve also had to accept my own introverted nature. I do my best to play with my girls, but it is exhausting and that is okay. I am present as much as I can be, but it’s okay to cut myself some slack.
Ultimately, my goal as a parent is to do the best I can, accept that sometimes my best isn’t particularly good, and show my children that self-care makes me a better parent.
Photo by ketan rajput on Unsplash
Really great post!
Very nice , Its always a blessing to have responsible parents....Such kids are very lucky cause half the kids without parents cannot survive on their own
again i will take this chance on steemit to edge those with parents to take the chance and make it out there
And who those who never had this opportunity is not too late , just stay hard and stay true to yourself you will get there..."Nothing good comes easy"
Having an introspective and self aware parent is, I feel, the best kind of parent to have because that means everything is genuine.
I guess we can only do our best by being ourselves, because that is what we teach to our children: it is ok to be yourself. Even if that means that some times you are not the superhero they want you to be. They will survive not getting full attention all the time, or any other thing. The only thing they really need is to know that we love them just the way they are. We could go on over small details but I decided to not feel guilty if I let my son watch too much tv every now and then despite of believing he shuld be in the park most of the time, for example.
I enjoyed you4 post
If you're doing the bare minimum, you are doing more than some, simply in doing. Really nice post.
So true, thank you!!
There is no love like that of a parent child. Just be there. Time means more than money in a childs life. Great uplifting post.
I am so glad you agree! I can't help but think about an online argument I got in 9 years ago about this topic, haha. Michelle Obama publicly stated that her most important job was as a mother and she was not going to work while her husband was the president. I appreciated that a lot, but the person I was talking to thought that "being present" for her daughters, even when they were in school, was stupid. "She should have her own life", the person said.
Those of us who are working parents sacrifice a lot, so I appreciated having such a public example of how important it is to be present for your children in any way you can.
rachelhanson. WOW! I agree with you 100 percent. I read you're post 3 or 4 times and upvoted it. You have the right idea and I appreciate you sharing with me here on Steemit.
Thank you so much!
wow its good
Thank you!
I don't have a child of my own but I salute every parent who devote time for the right upbringing of their child. My sister (who is a damn good ophthalmologist), gave up her professional career when she had her first son. She devoted all her time to him. She had a plan to go back to work when he grows up the nature had intended something else, a daughter came along 5 years later. So now, she is a full time mom and she is enjoying it. Devotion.
I'm so glad your sister had that option! I am envious of women who can afford to stay home with their children.
Thank you! My mom is much better now, and it helps a lot that we can talk about it together.