Anyone that's read my work will know I'm nothing if not talentless and insane. My mind constantly flying off in several directions at once. Yesterday I told you about streamlining and efficiency. Today my butterfly brain has fluttered off down another dead end. Most of my best ideas come to me while I'm taking a dump. It's not like I sit down and they leap into my head before the turd splashes. I take my time. I never strain. As my ass came to rest on the seat, I found I couldn't remember if I'd masturbated this morning. I was tempted to do so I have to confess. I had tissue and lotion right next to me. Although the lotion was perfumed and feminine. There's nothing wrong with your cock smelling feminine, as my mother used to say. Before she was arrested for gross public indecency and sexual assault. In the end I decided not to pleasure myself. What followed, proved this to be a good decision.
(The copyright to this image is the property of Bored Panda.)
Thanks to not making love to myself I had a sudden flash of inspiration. One that could well save the planet, if the concept is taken far enough. Every year thousands of baby seals are clubbed to death. They are skinned and their soft cuddly fur is used to clothe rich people and assholes. There's nothing wrong with being rich, or being an asshole, or even being a rich asshole. I'm not moralizing here. Due to me having no morals I'm prohibited from doing so. By taking a sideways look at the seal cull I came up with an innovative concept. This while having a massive shit.
When those big strong men go out to club a baby seal to death and steal its skin, they use this thing called a club. They have to beat the baby seals to death to ensure the skin isn't badly damaged. It's like being shot by a bullet that doesn't leave a hole in your sweater. Which is another concept I may come back to. There may be no use for it now, but hundreds of uses were found for the laser after it was devised. So they get a big stick, walk all the way to the seal nesting grounds. I'm pretty sure seals lay eggs, which means they're birds I think. Flightless birds like the antelope or gazebo, but birds nonetheless.
My radical reimagination of the seal cull brought forth this gem. Instead of going to all the trouble of cutting down entire forests of trees to make these clubs, there's another more environmentally friendly solution. I have to say I was amazed at my own brilliance when I thought of this. I'm not saying I'm a genius of the caliber of say Tesla, but I'm fucking close. Wooden clubs are wasteful. They wear out after you've beaten several hundred baby seals to death. Therefore my solution to this non-existent problem is a greener alternative. Instead of clubbing a baby seal to death with a club (I actually think that may have something to do with why no one else thought this up.) why not use another baby seal. There's hundreds of them lying there helpless. Pick one up, then use it to beat another seal to death. It's two birds with one stone. It'll either take half the time per seal or double the number of seals you can kill.
I think it's quite possible I could win an international award for innovation with this. It's so simple. Grab a baby seal, use it to club a seal one then pick up another baby seal. The tools are already on site. You don't need to carry anything there. The thud of baby seal skull on baby seal skull will reverberate across the ice and snow. With the added advantage that if it ever becomes illegal where you are enjoying your clubbing, there won't be any evidence you're heading out to get yourself a lovely fur coat.
I might be getting overly optimistic here, but I honestly believe that if enough of us come up with ideas just like mine, we could save the planet from nature. By erasing it entirely then pouring concrete on top. But that's another idea for saving the planet one mass extinction at a time.
The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!Hello @spunkpuppet, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine.