Aspirational: TEN Reasons You Really Shouldn’t Read This

in #blog7 years ago

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  1. First Ever Article.

That’s right, I have never written anything for the internet before.

Why am I here? I am about to set out on a voyage of epic scale – a mission of untold peril – the pursuit of an aspiration no one wants me to achieve.

  1. Didn't Even Watch The Eclipse

I decided to take you with me on this journey. I thought it only appropriate that we begin while the LA yogi master LuLu Lemon fanatic jumps around outside staring up at the sun with the 3D glasses she stole from when her girlfriends went to see Atomic Blonde on a Tuesday night because of that one song they heard that said something about turning up on a Tuesday… “Oh my god, I think the sun is doing that thing! Its eclipsilating!!”

I like Starbucks’ iced coffee, don’t hate.

  1. I’m Highly Addictive

What is wrong with addiction as long as it is to something as wholesome and wonderful as this little non-ecpliser!

You will return to my journey, I warned you!

  1. I Am a Liar

There are not 10 reasons in this thing, 10 just sounded nice.

  1. Get Rich Yesterday

I am here to tell you the story of how I rose to immense wealth and prominence from behind a mask of anonymity – intrigued yet?

  1. The Moral of Our Story

This journey will play out like a mix between the best parts of your favorite movie, the manual for replacing the toner in your printer and the wrinkled (coffee-stained, if you were a bad ass) treasure map you made as a kid that led to the lunch box you put under that one tree.

Honestly people, get with me or get lost

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