A Long Time Ago, in a Land Along the Eastern Seaboard of the United States
..Massachusetts. It's called Massachusetts. ahem Anyway. Welcome, friends. I'm Captain Gimpy and I'm going to give you a tour of my brain. No... No zombies allowed. Read the damn sign.
Points to a crudely-written sign that indeed says 'No Zombies!'. A collection of undead had gathered and were now dispersing upon hearing such disappointing news...
Now that those... people... are out of the way. If you'll follow me down this dark and narrow hallway that is in no way suspicious, we'll see the parts of the brain that Cerebral Palsy affects. Ah, the Cerebellum. The Cerebellum, as you may well know, is responsible for the coordination and regulation of muscular activity.
one of the tourists raises their hand
Yes? Yes, what is it?
Tourist: So you say it's kind of like a lesion on one side of your brain...
Well, not exac--
In that case, if you injure the other side of your brain, wouldn't that balance it out?
... Are you being deliberately obtuse or is that a serious question?
It's a serious que--
I jab a finger toward the exit Get out.
As I was saying, the Cerebellum affects the muscles, and if that's damaged, well... your muscles don't function the way they're supposed to. Hence, Cerebral Palsy. And that's it, folks. That's all there is to the tour.
You can't be serious!
I paid a hundred bucks for this god damn tour!
I mean, that's entirely your fault. Didn't you read the brochure?
Yeah and it said 'immersive experience, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity'! Yeah, to get shafted!
So what you're saying is that the brochure was entirely correct. You got your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get shafted.
An angry mob descends upon me
What's It Like for Relationships?
Not wonderful. You're either treated like you're a five-year old (when you're twenty-five) or people avoid talking to you, assuming that you can't hold intelligent conversation or that you're too intelligent for them to keep up. Friendships are easier to obtain, as there's less at stake (until you make a commitment to Best Buds, and I take my vows seriously, dammit). Romantic entanglements, on the other hand, have an increased level of difficulty. If you fail, you lose all your gold and you have to start over. I have a lot of gold. I'd like to keep it. But sometimes you have to risk it to get the biscuit.
The problem is people look at handi-capables differently. Often like we're fragile: one misstep and we break. Hate to... break.. it to you, but I'm part cyborg. That's right. I've got metal holding me bits together.
Luckily, the invention of the Internet changed the game and I met my wife on a dating website. Bars are overrated, anyway.
Physical Activities?
I've played football (tackle, without pads), soccer, baseball and basketball. In my younger days, that is. If I tried any of them now, I'd fold like origami paper. But it is possible depending on the severity and how willing one is.
College?
Not for everyone, certainly. You're spending thousands of dollars proving to employers that you can learn efficiently when you'd already done that for free for over a decade in public school. It's robbery, I tell you.
Intimate... relations?
Stamina is key, kids. Take care of her first and you've got nothing to worry about.
Any Final Thoughts?
Am I dying? Son-of-a-bitch.
Here's my conclusion: life is about chances. There was a chance I could have been born perfectly healthy, but it didn't happen. There was a chance that I could have met and married a porn star... also did not happen. So far as I'm aware....
Sometimes we're dealt the best hand, sometimes we forget we're playing cards and wander off to go streaking down the street in the middle of the afternoon. We just have to go with the flow (and take pictures as evidence). Make the best of everything (especially if it turns into cake).
I had no idea, @xanderslee. I think it’s amazing that it’s just not something that tends to come up in conversation for you. You are living your life and writing fiction and blogging and making friends and doing all the things people do. And there isn’t even an “oh by the way.”
You are right—we have the hand we were dealt. And we can choose whether or not that is what defines us. It seems to me you’ve made a great choice. Hugs.
This is a beautiful and informative insight into something I'd never dare really ask anyone, even if I paid for the tour. I'm glad that you've done so well with the hand you were dealt. When you see what other folks are able to do with a less-than-ideal hand, it gives one's self a better perspective on their own troubles. Thanks for the perspective, @xanderslee!
This is an absolutely hilarious read! And it's kind of neat that you decided to explain what cerebral palsy is and what it's like to live with it. I feel like more people just need to take a tour in your brain, man. How much were those tickets again?
Five doll-hairs.
And thanks, man. Appreciate the kind words. :D
Dang, I only have four doll hairs. (pouts)
How about 1000 SBD? :PPPP
Reads sign
No zombies allowed. Read the damn sign.Comments anyway. My brother has cerebral palsy. Not fun at all.A dear friend of mine and his twin brother were both born with CP, so I'm fully aware of how limiting it can be and applaud you for rising above and making a life for yourself, in the real world and on Steemit. We love you, Xander! <3
My only wonder is why you are wanting to exclude @thinknzombie from the tour...
You are a brave and admirable man!
Man, that last paragraph is Gold. I was going to pick the first sentence out and say something about that, but the sentence after that, and then the last one. Yeah.
I like to think we are all dealt the best hand. The trick is learning how to parlay that into a win. From where I sit, reading your work, you are holding a Royal Flush.
Keep on streaking. And post the pics.
Image source