It surprised me to have a flash of clarity mid-flight, but there it was. 2amish, midway through a SERIOUSLY uncomfortable flight between Stockholm in Sweden and Bangkok in Thailand - 11.5 hours of hell in an over-full plane in an economy-class seat wedged in unpleasantly tightly next to a very overweight man whose butt cheek and leg intruded significantly on my personal space. Did I mention snoring and body odor? His, silly, not mine. 🤣 I didn't sleep a wink.
How is it POSSIBLE to have 987 great new Hive images in my shiny new phone and a minimum of 43 blog posts in the drafts folder but not have actually POSTED anything??
The answer just popped in to my head, mid-uncomfortable-wriggle.
Emotional turbulence.
I suddenly UNDERSTOOD that I personally need to be solid in my immediate personal world before I commit pen to paper. And that I need a lot of empty space for that emotional turmoil to settle.
I've been on one heck of a journey these past 5 weeks. Chiang Mai to Bangkok in Thailand, followed by 2 weeks in Cyprus - beach time holiday. I had no issue posting while I was in Cyprus since I was in holiday mode and the reality of the real business of my trip had not yet completely sunk in. The following 3 weeks in the Netherlands was another story. I connected with my extended Dutch family in a big way after 22 years, primarily to make sure my only daughter has a safety net while she is at university in Holland for the next 4 years. We ate, drank, talked and did a whole host of boring practical things, like teaching my daughter how to ride the metro and manage on a daily basis in a surprisingly non-English culture that is not all-that-friendly to "buitelanders" (out-of-our-land-dwellers) despite most-everyone speaking English pretty well.
I just completely ran out of puff, processing each day, trying to remain pleasant and also trying to work out how my life will look back here in Thailand, completely alone again.
But sitting there in the middle of the night somewhere over the Middle East, I had a thought about why travel and visiting with people is particularly exhausting for introverts. Which led to guilt about my inability to absorb any more "new" of anything, such as finally getting around to physically meeting @karinxxl. (Sorry!) Which led me to think about my Hive drafts folder and its accumulated posts-in-process. Which led to me UNDERSTANDING (finally!) that the calm covid years of being at home alone were hugely conducive to me blogging super regularly, because I had so much time and space to process.
No one ever promised "Know Thyself" came with age. 😆
In the 24 hours since I returned home to Chiang Mai (sadly MINUS my luggage, which is still in Sweden apparently, and after a missed connection in BKK due to an airline actually departing ahead of schedule 🙄) Having no luggage to unpack meant no laundry. 😂 And so I've had some wonderful quality alone time. I pottered, pondered life without my girl around, got reacquainted with our kitty-cat, soaked in the bath, cooked and bathed in silence before a sensationally-restoring 10 hour sleep. I came to the office today only to discover 2 of our staff have Covid and the rest of the team is at home "just in case", and so I have the office to myself this Wednesday morning. 😊 And more wonderfully quiet space to reflect and ponder and let things settle. And in that quiet place today, I suddenly feel free to post.. Finally. 😁
Ironically one of my key tasks today is to find flights and book my next trip to Europe for Christmas. 😆 @karinxxl - I'm house-dog sitting ALONE in Berkel en Rodenrijs (just near Rotterdam) from about 19th to 24th December, after which Ploi will join me for the Christmas days, and then she and I will have a week away somewhere nice together - maybe Berlin, or Paris or Zurich. So all is not lost in terms of meeting - just delayed a weeny bit. We leave the day after the relatives return from Spain.
I HAVE LEARNED that staying with relatives (and their expectations and quirky habits) is not really for me. 🤣 Generous and money saving, to be sure, and was GREAT for my girl this time to connect intimately with her new safety net. Grateful and we were spoiled and pampered and saved a small fortune. But I NEED the quiet anonymity of a budget hotel room and the freedom from endless prattle and conversation.
And so I am one step closer to being a better blogger and more effective-successful on Hive. And one step closer to being more productive on all fronts by a new understanding of what I personally need to thrive.
BlissednBlessed
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Gosh. No wonder all your posts are so well thought out, well structured and composed, unlike my emotional nonsense and ramblings. I spew, you carefully choreograph. I mean this in a good way - you write sso well. But don't be afraid of a little loosey goosey once in a while.
I get the need for space - I do!! I'm hyper sensitive so being around people is exhausting, though I also enjoy it as well. It's hard being 'on' all the time in company, especially when you're used to life on your own terms. Whilst it might be bittersweet to see Ploi off, I'm sure you're also revelling in your alone timmme.
Even I need baths to get away from people - I honestly could kill my husband if he comes in to show me something on his phone whilst I'm having a bath. FFS, the door's shut for a reason, man!!!! Sometimes I have a bath just to guarantee alone time for an hour hahaha.
Ew to the man on the plane!
I wondered if you got in touch with Karinxxl! It's tricky to meet social demands when there is emotional turbulence going on.
love, and peace and quiet. xx
A bit more 'loosey goosey" might be the theme of my next 10 year cycle. 🤣
I actually have tears in my eyes as I read your comment cos it feels so nice to be HEARD. Thank you. x And yes, I feel guilty for reveling in the quiet at home. I'm even finding the clingy cat (who's missing Ploi) hard to take.
I personally HATE and don't support people on Hive who ramble to fill a void to earn a shekel - especially when it's a vlog. Yours are never pointless... and never without a gem or two lurking in the second last paragraph.
Hugs and heading home early today cos the noise and demands are overwhelming. I need a few hours of sanity and looking at the garden to be able to post my #gardenjournal 😍
Thanks a lot though part of me doesn't believe you ahahahahah xxx
Love you girl, welcome home, enjoy. Hope you have been facetiming her lots and don't feel too lonely - it's a hard adjustment!!!
I loved your garden journal - it was awesome to see the fam together and how multicultural it was/is!
Yes I can imagine it was quite an emotional time as both you and your daughter transition into this next stage of your lives. I have a while yet, before my eldest leaves, I hope anyways.
Yes staying with family can be tiring, but it is also necessary at times as well. Hope the luggage gets sorted and I look forward to more content from you xxxx
it's when your LAST one leaves and you come home to the empty space and trying to re-imagine your life as a mother of grown&flown that you'll REALLY "get it". Yes, it's been emotional and exhausting on many levels, as well as being joyful, exciting and a feeling of new doors being flung open.
It's FRIDAY here today (flew in very early Tuesday) and the luggage has not yet arrived. Hopeful... and looking forward to a weekend of LAUNDRY. 😆
You have travel plans again anytime soon??
Hi There!
@artemislives !
Good to see You 👁️👁️ 👍🏼🤗👍🏼
Bad Deal on Your luggage, and I agree with You 100%!
Better to visit from a hotel room!
You have an Amazing Week!
👍🏼✨🌄✨👍🏼
Nice to hear from you @lesmann - yes. hoping my luggage is located and finds me in the next days. Life HAS certainly changed after covid in terms of travel... 🙃
Wishing YOU an equally amazing week, and am off to see what your creative juices have produced recently.
Do you also create better and more prolifically with isolation and quiet?
🌿🍒
Absolutely @artemislives !
I do my things alone! The mental clutter, and distractions really would keep me from getting things done.
Same with music, I played in a few bands - same thing! Too much chaos and confusion to do things right.
And I discovered I can do that better alone as well!
👍🏼😉😁😉👍🏼
I also hope that the luggage thing gets straightened out - "Soon"!
Have a Great Tomorrow!
🌄✨⚡✨🌄
Wow. In a way I can relate to this. Drafts, obstruction in my finger to keyboard and running away from screens and escaping to greens. Finally booking a flight eastwards. Btw. if it's Zurich, we should meet. I'm going to visit some GMP's in India.
Ow sweet Mariken, dont you worry about it. I more than totally understand all of this and I am sorry that I didn't visit your blog earlier to check it out (I guess life gets in the way by all of us right?)
But it all sounds very familiar. Whenever I was visiting Holland while I was living in sint martin the visits were full and and I mean full in a way that I almost needed a vacation afterwards again to recover from it. Figuring out stuff, taking care of business, and telling the same stories over and over..it is always super tiring and I get it.
And indeed what a contrast to the last two covid years of relying on yourself and making your own plans, also this sounds familiar with filling in a schedule again. You really need some time to make it all work again and a posting (or meeting up schedule) is not at all relevant
But uhh...winter in holland for a week?I find you very brave :D
And yes, we will meet up then for sure, do you have enough winter stuff then ?