Sorry π€·ββοΈ
I actually find it kind of silly when people do it, lol.
Old people have a legitimate case to get the seat. (For me, I tend towards the middle or back of the bus. And the seats up front are designated to be given up to elderly or disabled upon request. So if they balk at those seats and make it back to where I am, they probably don't need my seat too bad. But if they were like shaking or looked like they were about to fall or something, of course I'd offer.)
Giving the seat up to a woman is just a pointless gesture. It's not like it's really much (any?) less comfortable for her to stand than for a guy. (It might even be a little easier. Women have better balance.) Whatever the case, it's super slight and shouldn't constitute a seat change.
I notice too that any time I'm on the bus with a cumbersome load, like today with a full hiker pack and several bags of Walmart groceries, no one thinks to offer me their seat.
I'm someone who's clearly in a position where having a seat is more valuable for me than it is for you, and they chill in their Converse all-stars and don't give a damn.
And she got off at the next stop too!!!
One of my things is when the bus is crowded, and I'm getting off soon, I always get up for someone. I'm getting up anyways, so they may as well get comfortable, and I may as well start navigating nearer to the door. It's a better arrangement of us. They always seem a little surprised like "oh.. well gee, okay, thank you", but really it's like nah, this is super standard and should just be the norm.
But Converse all-stars lets me fiddle around with my bags and get everything settled, and then woosh she's off.
No big deal. I'd probably decline a seat anyways, unless someone really insisted. But it's funny to observe how people don't help in that spot, but are so quick to offer their seat to someone because she's a female.
Fake empathy.
For what it's worth, I think females are the goats and lead the way. I'm a feminist, except I'm actually a feminist and actually love and welcome their influence. So that's not to be confused with the various lines of nonsense that the kookoos and their overlords have branded as "feminism" but actually harm women as much or more than they harm men.
Nothing is a better guide for us than the non-aggression principle, but if you wanted to play a tougher character, I think you could try to design your life and community and world in a way that's comfortable and good for the women in it, and automatically you'd be making it better in general.
Women are the balance and the steering. Masculine super important too. But it's more like the turbo boost or throwing the red shell or something. We're more hit or miss, but the hits keep everything going.
The bus filled some more, and in front of me there was a woman standing. Obviously I didn't offer.
This other guy went out of his way to get her attention, forcing her to turn around ("pull headphones out, is someone talking to me?" sort of thing), asking if she wanted his seat. She was butch asf and I think there were probably 0 versions of her that were ever gonna be like "oh, that'd be great, thank you!!".
ππ
Later though he got his wish. There was a family including not only women but a baby and an old person, or something along those lines. It made total sense to give it up there. (Especially because they were right next to him this time.)
My stop was getting close and I was already gathering my bags and sorting myself out to do the "I'm getting off soon anyways" thing, and so as I was getting up I told chivalry man that he can have my seat.
He stayed standing even as I had moved away from the seat, so I assured him "I'm getting off next, go for it". Grudgingly, he sat.
It wasn't my intention to blowup his spot. But I realized, oh right, he hates this. He wanted to be the guy who gave up his seat. Ideally he'd stand for at least a stop or two, and be seen standing, and maybe they'd chit-chat with him and thank him again for the seat. But I took it away from him.
In his mind I became the alpha when he sat. (But he had to behave like a normal person and not turn down an open seat for no reason.)
We also had a guy rocking the face mask.
The old guys know all the angles (some have the stones to play 'em), but I'm not sure how I feel about the masks.
My general thought is if I thought I needed the mask, I'd also probably want more than the mask. Or not go outside or get out of dodge. If I can be among the people, I'll do it without a mask.
I agree with a lot of what you say, but Ive got some thoughts on perhaps why it is this way.
For starters, I think some people offer seats to others, to girls particularly, because they want to be "good" people. Its like the bible says about praying in public, "dont be like the pharisees, praying in public where everyone can see you... those type of prayers are their own reward". In the same way, making a big show of "excuse me, ma'am, would you like a seat", its like standing on a chair in a full room and saying loudly "I AM A GOOD PERSON". That type of "generosity" is actually a self-serving behaviour, intended to feed ones reputation, like those pharisees who pray to be seen praying.
Then the converse, she makes me think about the problem with most people today. In their own world, oblivious to the challenges and trials of those around her. Im reading "The Tao of Poo", and in that book it encourages us to stop being a "Backsun", which is a type of person, rushing from point A to B, always living for tomorrow, never in the now. These sorts cant help by be blind to the neighbor beside her who needs her help in the moment, why? Because, not being in the moment herself, she is blind to the difficulty of it, too busy stressing about the next thing, or equally possible and equally unfortunate, already looking to the joys the next moment might bring, blind to the potential joy in the present, such as: sharing a kind moment with a fellow bus rider, in need of a seat, and which might lead to a thoroughly enjoyable conversation.
I also like what you said about, if you're getting off at the next stop offer your seat. Some nice girl did this for me last week, she was probably 20 and Im like 40-ish, but I was struggling with a bag and a jacket and she did this. So, some girls do, do this.
Anyways, good post.
Ya!!! And I bet maybe part of it was he actually wants to be good, but he was a little too anxious for something that's really superficial and wasn't gonna make or break her day.
I feel like when they add up your score to decide how good you are, offering your seat on the bus just isn't a big deal. And the people who go out of their way like that.. maybe are trying to overcome other areas where they aren't doing a great job hehe.
Even as far as trivial and not too important things go, I like doing things like grabbing a stray grocery cart on my way into the supermarket, since it's in my path anyways and will save someone a tiny bit of work.
the seat swap is zero-sum (she gets the seat, but I don't) whereas the grocery cart is net positive (about the same for me, and a little better for someone else).
So ya, I think the seat swap is often about the spectacle of showing everyone that you're good, hehe.
I do think that some people are probably just nicely mannered and do it for genuine reasons of honoring females and it's what they were taught and feels right and stuff. (It's possible that I'm a little jaded in the sense that riding the city bus, in the US.... I don't usually feel like I want to honor anyone on it, lol.)
So I'm comfortable with my reasons for why I don't do it, but I think probably plenty of the people who do it.. are good, and have good reasons and intentions. π€·ββοΈπ€·ββοΈ
I like that!!!! Yup!!
That's awesome!!
I like what you said about the shopping, net positive. That's a very reasonable way to approach this type of altruism.
I do that with trash, if I see a piece of trash and I can see a garbage bag, Ill pick it up and put it away. Im no tree hugger, but it just makes sense to me, no real skin off my back and a net positive for the world. Might be minor but I really believe its the little things that make our world better, not all at once, but step by step.
CS Lewis said its a million little things that we do and dont do each day that makes us who we are. Its not the single grand public display we made, its the day to day little things.
I think he's exactly correct.