My father died today December 31.
He was staring at the ceiling as I walked into the room. For six months he has been suffering from stroke. He can barely see anything these days and that's why he called on me to hand him a cup of water which was sitting just in front of him.
I came in and greeted him. I picked up the cup in my hands and then as if he could see me, he turned to me and called me by my first name; "Toritseju!" "Yes sir", I replied. He turned again, this time staring at the fan which was hanging from the ceiling and he said the following words to me: "Don't trust anyone, your best friend could be your worse enemy". I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks after he spoke those words. I tried to be very quiet because I'm supposed to be the man. My father taught me not to show any sign of weakness and I was not going to disappoint him with some girly tears. Why am I crying anyway I said to myself, my Dad is not going anywhere. We are still together.
That was the last time I saw my father alive. I was 11 years old. Those were the very last words I can remember from him. Those words hunt me and guide me till this day. The picture of him staring at the fan is clearer to me than any other picture in this world. The picture of him coming home from work that day (six months before he died) with no gifts, nothing but the inability to move one part of his body. The pain that was in his face as Doctors attended to him one day. I felt that pain too as they took us away from his room. Those pictures are very clear to me.
There are some memories of my Dad that I would always cherish. My father was a very generous man. My father would buy gifts for everyone in our neighborhood when he came back home from work trip. He would send us with cartons of biscuits and wine to our cousins and uncles. He worked offshore, he spent one month away and two weeks with us. Sometimes I wonder if our next door neighbors anticipated his coming as much as we did. During Christmas my father shared gifts too much. My mother would complain that he gave too much but I that was my Dad.
My father used to "bribe" us to make us eat "eba" , I don't remember how old we were(me and my younger brother) but we were very little and we didn't like to eat "eba". He would tell us that if we could finish a portion of "eba" that he would buy us coka cola and toys. We hated eba. He would sit in the dining and make us sit on top of the table. We would all eat from the same plate. He would use his hand to divide the bowl of "eba" into three portions. If we could finish our portions, he would buy us coke and a toy. My mother didn't do that. She would beat us if we refused to eat.
I remember one night Daddy came home from Ghana, he has been away for three months. He is usually away for one month and then he would spend about two weeks with us before travelling again. That night I woke up to the sound of Phil Collins, the smell of wine and "suya"(roasted meat). I didn't have to guess, I knew with utmost certainty that my father was back. I jumped out of my bed and ran with full force towards his bedroom totally ignoring the new pair of shoes he left by my bed while I slept. My action had caused a lot of noise and woken up my siblings. We busted into his room and jumped on him. We had "suya" and wine that night. We danced and laughed, totally ignoring our mother would rather not have us awake having fun and eating at night because we would have to go to school in the morning.
My father never spoke badly about anyone. My father was a good man. He was the kind of man you would want for a neighbor. He would always use his own money to fix whatever was faulty in our compound and street. Whenever I traveled home, a lot of people were very nice to me because of my Dad. They would call me by my father's name "Ninioritse" and rant about how I copied all his facial features. There was a time that one old lady asked who my father was and she was told I'm my father's son. She just kept hugging me. It felt weird. She gave me gifts. My father was a good man. He left a good legacy.
I heard that he was poisoned at work because he was next in line for a big promotion. But why would anyone do that? I never really discussed the cause of his illness with my Mum. There was a lot of paranoia during the six months that he was sick. Those six months shook us financially and socially.
My mother suffered a lot during his prolonged illness and after his death. At one point when we had spent all the money and sold some property but his health didn't improve my mother took him to all the places that she could. She told me of one night that all she had was a piece of wrapper and her skin to protect her from the cold and she had to lend her wrapper to cover my Dad. The hospital service was very poor and she couldn't afford anything more because all the money was gone.
After he died, everything changed. We had to stop going to school for a while because there was no money for school fees and then we had to enroll in another school with cheaper fees. As a teenager I would imagine that my father would come back. That he was just away for one of those long trips.
My mother was a strong woman but she had very little formal education. She went the extra mile with her trade to put food on our bellies and clothes on our back. She was a supermom. At first, she got some support from family and friends but at a point, we realized that we were truly alone. I had to man up really early in life. I had no time for the things that appealed to the average teenager because I had to work to support myself aand myfamily. Growing up without a father sucks. We suddenly became beneficiaries from people that Dad usese to help. My mother didn't beg, she never begged. She held up her head in pride and worked hard in her trade. She worked, we managed, sometimes the basic necessities of life were luxuries to us but we survived. Now we thrive.
Every time I hear a song by Phil Collins I remember my Dad. Every time its Christmas I remember that one Christmas where everything changed. Every 31st of December, I remember the day my father died.
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
Every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinking of the day
When you went away
What a life to take
What a bond to break
I'll be missing you
Puff Daddy
Happy New year's eve.
Whao, I am sure he is smiling down from heaven and proud of the man you have become now. This is really a touching story.
He is.
Isn't it amazing how much a man you have become. Now you have become a pillar that people can rely on, a shoulder that others can cry on. May God continually keep the rest of the family.
Thanks for the kind words bro. I really appreciate
May his soul keep resting in perfect peace. Your father was a good and great man. You are also a good and great man too. In life we go through the things we go through to build us and make us stronger. You are stronger now. Your strength is what has brought you this far. You are a leader and you have inspired and empowered so many people. Thank you for inspiring many and keep up all your good works. Do have an awesome 2018.
https://steemit.com/introductory/@naidipulkindo/introduce-myself-to-steemit-7f9bd79ee5bd8
This is really touching, God will continue to give you the strength to keep carrying on.
Every moment of life is a step towards death. For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.
Please accept my most heartfelt sympathies for your loss. Sorry Brov
Wow you have been through a lot @tojukaka , I see where you get your character from. You have some lovely memories too. Big love to you at this time of year x
thank you @kaykunoichi
happy newyear in advance
I m deeply shocked at the suddeness of ur father’s demise. May his soul rest in peace! @tojukaka
I cant say a word right now but just a prayer for you and for your Dad. Heads up he is there listening.
Im sure you become who you are today because of what happened before. Keep inspiring us and others. Thank you sir.
I know it is hard to carry the responsibilities. I cant imagine how optimistic you are. You accept all the challenges.
Stay positive my friend.
That's what's up with life...time to be born and time to die. Don't let it wey you down bro. Accept my heart-felt condolences
@eurogee
On steem i never thought i would come across a post that would make my pain fresh. My father passed away in 2016. His Memories are still fresh. For months i refused to accept the reality that he has left us. It still feels like he is alive but the truth is something else. For me death is a ugly reality. Time heals some wounds but it cannot heal the emptiness that i feel every now and then.
His memory lives in the bosom of the lord, Take heart
😢
😥
😥 🙁 ☹😣 😖 😫 😩 😤
Why did he have to die
😢
I'm sorry to hear this.
Please take heart.
😢
You'll live long for your kids and Steemit.
Wicked people won't be able to harm you.
😢
His memory lives on.
Thank you for taking up his good qualities.
I used to wander why you're so kind, now i know why.
You're a chip of the old block.
Take heart bro.
So 😔 sad
Had a tear reading this, i believe he was a good man and raised one too
Owh....the only inevitable thing in Life has come to him. Well, we all believe he's not dead, he's only sleeping for we'll meet again @ the feet of christ. I know its not easy bro, but, pls take heart.
He will always be with you, I'm sorry :(
I'm sorry for your loss, and I admire your strength. May you all continue to thrive.
i guess he was a very good man for you to keep remembering him. i hope you are living the legacy he left behind. you are truly a man now; a man most steemians rely on
So touching...there is something about losing one's father that makes one become a man quick. Though your father's loss happened when you were way younger, mine was after my first year in the university. It is like his loss gave me strength, I was a quitter before his death maybe it was because I felt someone else was in charge and not me. Its even a thing to rejoice when your parent left good memories like your father did. Its a lifetime gift, believe me. May his loss and the wonderful memories he left spur you to do exploits.
Amen
He is so lucky to have you dear. He will be for sure happy in the heaven
Seems to me your dad left behind a really strong legacy in you.
I'm sure he's looking down at you saying, THAT'S MY BOY!!!
This is really touching. I just joined the Steemit Community and this is the first post I'm reading and its amazing.
Honestly @tojukaka, I don't know what to say but ibwill say this though it is hard, Dad is gone and he has gone to rest but he left you with not just a line of word but a REVELATION which is trust no one, I suggest you hold the word dearly to ur heart. Beyond what anybody can say here, bro Holy spirit will comfort and console you. I love u bro
Hmm... Times like this make me short of words. So sorry for your loss at that early stage in life. Who would had imagined the brave and helpful @tojukaka had such a rough start in life. I'm glad you 'man-up' and didn't give failure any chance in your life.
Adieu Pa Ninioritse
You have turned out to be an amazing young man with a generoua heart like his. I am sure he would be proud of whom you have become so far. I know the pain of losing someone. Stay strong brother. God's got you always.
You will go far bro @tojukaka... You are a good man
just 1 sentence for your dad, MAY the Good Lord wep this earthly dust on his face and grant him eternal rest true christ our Lord..@tojukaka
Sending thoughts and love from halfway around the world, the North of England brother. Even though it may well have been a long time ago, the loss of your loved ones never leaves you. May 2018 bring you peace, abundance, love, light and laughter.
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STOPI pray his soul rests in peace. I would just like to say you are a lucky man for having a father that great and he is a luckier man for having a son that was meant for nothing but greatness. Keep on dreaming, keep on living, keep on achieving @tojuakaka
You turned out strong...
Congratulations for being a success story
So sorry about your loss bro. your a great man now.
Hey Tojukaka, my condolences. May his memory stay strong in you and guide you through your life!
This story is touching
Wow! Thats all i can say...wow!
Im sorry man. RIP he made a legend :D
U left me in tears. Life is not measured by how long a man lives but how well. Your dad is in a much better place.