Awesome, glad you find it helpful. Your reply does give some more info though so since we're trying to work together to get through this allow me to render some additional feedback given this new info.
Regarding friends. Time to get out there and make some. It takes a village. The more people you know, the more friends you have, the less strain you will have on your marriage and the less of a strain it will be on your kids. Join a church. Join a biker gang. Join some gay board game club where you hang out with a bunch of nerds. I don't care if you're not religious, that's not what this is about. Part of the reason you are having problems at home is probably because you aren't outside dealing with real humans and learning from them. Is the wife being annoying? Guess what, literally every other married guy is dealing with the same shit. If you're not talking to them about it, you're not learning from them. Have social anxiety? Time start developing "My marriage sucks and my kids are going to be traumatized" anxiety. Giving your kids anything less than a loving relationship is a disservice to them that will plague them their whole lives. How was your parents' marriage? I'm guessing not good. Do you think it's a coincidence yours isn't? You and your wife can love each other all the time. That is possible. But it's not either of your faults that you don't, I would suspect neither of your parents had especially healthy marriages. That's why you need a couple's therapist. Not because you guys are "bad" at marriage, or you "made a mistake," but because you simply haven't learned how to be married. That's why you go to a professional.
People make promises all the time, I don't care that you and your wife have agreed to take divorce "of the table." You really think you're the first? Ultimatums like that do not work because you are effectively resigning yourself to the fact that you and your wife do not love each other at least some of the time. You and your wife need to be figuring out how to love each other, not trying to figure out how to avoid conflict. You need to learn how to resolve conflicts, not avoid them. Therapy is NOT something you need because you're SICK. There is nothing WRONG with you. A good therapist helps you learn how to deal with conflict, relationships, emotions, tragedy, etc. in a healthy way as opposed to an unhealthy way.
So based on your response I would recommend getting to a therapist sooner rather than later. I'm certainly not an expert, but I can guess some stuff from your post that might surprise you. First off, I'm guessing your parents didn't have a very good relationship and you didn't have a very good relationship with them. I bet you think that the way you and your wife argue is "normal" for couples. It may be normal ... but it is super unhealthy. The fact that physical violence seems to be the line you two have not crossed is extremely, extremely bad. The standard you should be applying to yourselves is that you almost never raise your voice. People who yell do not know how to properly resolve conflict. That's what a couple's therapist will teach you. I suggest you get on that ASAP. Your promise to stay together will not work. Right now WEED is your couple's counselor. Good news, it doesn't get any worse than that. I promise you, if you do not get a neutral 3rd party expert into the situation, your family will not last. Now, if you had a robust social network, I would say talk to your closest friends about this stuff. Making friends who are themselves in healthy relationships (which usually means they also have good relationships with their parents and other family members) would be good too. Until you can make those happen (which you should by the way), a couples therapist should be your first course of business. You might even find that the couples therapy is enough for you. But if not, don't hesitate to get some additional counseling in there. BTW, I don't recommend therapy willy-nilly. It's just that in your particular case I don't see any other option. Frankly, weed might be the only thing keeping your family together :/