While I want to be supportive, and I really am. We do have to look at some facts. Cannabis is not physically addictive, no more than cheeseburgers, porn or video games. In reality reaching for the herb is still far better than being pharmaceutically medicated for something treatable with cannabis.
It seems that it's more or less coming down to a financial issue. If you're US based, I'd hope that you might be in the position to relocate to a cannabis friendly state that would allow you to grow your own garden.
I really hope you find a situation that lets you perhaps balance the best of both.
Cheers
@ jay-kopinski You got it my friend its 100% psychological and boy I would LOVE to grow but lease says I can't :( . Yeah its definitely mostly financial related but I do want to slow down Im looking into a vaporizer to see if that fulfills my needs.
You will eventually move. ;) I would suggest beginning your research now.
I've scoured the net and books and have not found anyone that teaches cultivation the way I grow. I grow better than top shelf in nearly any dispensary. (Haven't actually seen better cannabis since 2008, and that was from a single place in Chatsworth)
Buy my book, because you and everyone you know deserves the superior quality you'll produce from the information in it. I benefit every day. :) Secrets to Growing Trichome Dense Cannabis
As a bonus, I also detail in an understandable way, the proper reservoir maintenance for deep water culture hydroponics. When done properly, with a nutrient profile balanced for a full pH swing, it produces the cleanest cannabis, with the most complex flavors and aromas. People call it the smoothest, most flavorful organic cannabis they've ever had, hard for them to believe it's hydro. ;)
So, pick up my book and learn what it takes for super trichome dense cannabis, full expression flowers, and then pick up a general guide to 'learn' the rest about growing. You'll be surprised at just how amazing a harvest you can have with the right information. :D
Be good to yourself!