Batleside Chat #2: Roasted Chicken and Brown Gravy

in #card4 years ago (edited)

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#2: Roasted Chicken & Brown Gravy


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"Ah--welcome my friends! Thank you for--ahm--joining me here in the victory hall on this special isle called Mount Mox. I'm not sure exactly what to say--ahm--but I guess we should discuss the the fight some? It was a pretty hot battle, wasn't it? I mean--ahm--I thought it was. I'm still sweating from just watching--ah--watching from the Arena Lord's fancy divan seats. So... I guess I'll talk about my victory, then..."



(The "recent" fight can be reviewed by clicking here.)

"...then--ahm--after talking about the victory I'll--ah--I'll answer questions. So, it was pretty fiery and intense, wasn't it? I only have two summoners under my employ right now. Ahm--I'm still a new Arena Lord-- Lady--in the Great Tournament, which I'm sure you know,so I could only choose between them. I suppose I should have chosen my friend and summoner from my beautiful homeland, Anumun, but for some reason I selected my other one--ahm--my summoner from the Burning Lands. Next thing I know, the opponent's summoner is from the Burning Lands,too, and then there's fire flying everywhere--heh! Ah...oh, but it was a sad fight, too.



"Only two combatants were conjured not from the Burning Lands. And the poor little chicken was one of them; he was stuck between them all! I still don't understand why Pyre would do that to that cute chicken, but I will have a talk with him about doing that; rest assured! I mean--ahm--I mean, Pyre did an excellent job selecting and managing the fight as my chosen summoner. Congratulations to him."


"Anyway--ah--should we discuss the details of the battle? Alright. So, the organizer of the Gold Arena performed the lottery withdrawal and determined the rules for the fight. I sort of like having the random rules in the tournaments because--ah--it lets me test my summoners in all sorts of different ways and--ahm--and see where my team of champions need help improving. Anyway, the rules were pretty straight forward. The only real restriction was the summoners were not allowed to contribute in any way to the battle and could only conjure combatants. Oh!--and each summoner was allowed no more than 40 mana crystals to fuel their conjurations. Oh!--and no one was allowed to conjure past heroes of legend to fight for them.



"Pyre was my summoner for this battle which--ah--which I already told you. Pyre is my newest hire; I never bully or compel my summoners into my service, and I never force them to fight a fight they don't want to! Pyre never turns down a fight, though. He's a real firebrand that way. He's always first in line and running ahead of the pack, rushing forward to battle just about any challenge that comes our way. He did a great job--except for what he did to that cute chicken!--but yeah, he did a great job as my summoner this fight. So, seriously, congratulations to Pyre. Go ahead, Pyre. Take a bow.



"The opposing Arena Lord chose Malric Inferno to be his champion in the Gold Arena. Malric is a veteran of the tournaments and has fought many battles, so--ahm--I was really worried how it would turn out. But!--but Pyre was amazing and proved himself to be every bit Malric's equal. I couldn't be happier with my two summoners.



"Malric's conjured combatants were all fiery creatures from the Hot as Hell Lands--heh, I mean--the Burning Lands, all except for one. The big insect--ah, I think they call it Mantoid--was clearly not from the burning lands. He was so hot during that fight, the poor thing! I spoke to some of the other Arena Lords, and they said Mantoid is a dangerous foe who likes to carefully select his victims and attack them from far away. That way, they don't see him coming. Apparently, he spits some pretty acerbic--ahm--brown juice from its mouth--eww--and, I guess, he's really good at expectorating. He can nail his opponents from far away and straight into their face with his--ah--whatever he calls his nasty... brown... spittle. It has something to do with some surprisingly pretty plant leaf it likes to chew, I think, and secretions from its--ugh--stomach. Nasty. Anyway, it's mean and ugly, but I still felt bad for how burned it was by the end of the fight.



"Pyre, my great summoner who gave me this great victory, he--ah--he conjured all Burning Lands combatants, too, all except for one, too. I don't know his plans exactly, but I think he intentionally put the tougher combatants up front and the more delicate--eh, I mean deadlier--ranged attackers in the rear. Yeah, and then guess what he put in the middle? I mean, you don't have to guess because you were there just a few moments ago, but.... He put that cute chicken right in the middle of his line of fiery brutes, right in front of his delicate little ranged killers! Terrible! The tiny creature was ferocious as it could be but it didn't stand a chance. And Pyre, if you say one more time that the chicken was a-a-a good fodder pillow--ahck, terrible!--well, we'll have to renegotiate our contract... or something. I could hardly believe it when I saw it happening! That poor little feathered rooster was being roasted alive in the middle of all those flying flames and brown sludge!


"And I've heard Pyre's excuse about conjured creatures not being real creatures so it's all humane--harumph!--nonsense! Do summoned creatures fight to stay alive? In Northern Azmare, do their bodies start to shiver? In Mortis, do they try but fail to resist the evil of Mimosa's killers? So, if summoned creatures fight to survive and shy away from pain, what does that tell you, huh? Huh?!? What? Well--well you can leave the victory lounge, if you don't like what I'm saying! I'm the Arena Lord for this fight, not you Mr. Smolder.


"Thanks for leaving, you arrogant jer--....!


"Sorry about that. Anyway. Ahm--so, thanks to all of you for coming and hearing my victory speech. Do--ah--does anyone have any questions? Or comments? No? Oh.... Well--ah--okay. Thank you again for coming. Ah--have a nice day."


-- A victory speech by Gilda Autumn, an Anumun Arena Lady new to the Great Tournaments, most known for being a rare Gold-Antlered Hind and someone who once was captured and trained by a Mortis lich to become a summoner-champion in the Mount Mox arena. She later escaped and quit her summoner training, instead collecting money to become a young Arena Lady and ambassador of Anumun.

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Thanks for sharing!

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