I am going to put down some truth, right here and right now.
So.
My 14 almost 15 year old has a "biological father", who for the most part? Hasn't been in her life. We had to get a DNA test before he stood up and took notice (from what eeeveryone around me saw).
I was dragged through 6 1/2 years of court with my youngest daughters' father. He MADE me add D's bio father into the court hearing. He made me so bloody miserable, that I almost signed over legal custody to her father. I didn't do it, as it would have backfired in the long run... But it almost brought me to that point.
He MADE me bring him in front of a judge. I mean how fucking uncomfortable and sad a person feels, when one father is on one side of you, and one father is on another side of you. I mean, I felt like sheer and utter shit. D wasn;t his problem, she had never been his problem. I had soul custody of her and I still do between her biological and I.
In the "bible" as I call it (the over 16 page court document which has SO much sadness, anger, hurt, pain and destruction of a home in it...Wish I could burn the fucker, but that would do me no good.) It was SAID and ordered that if her biological father's income was made known, that BY LAW I cannot allow the father to have a "free pass", so i had no legal choice but to file for maintenance.
All I honestly wanted from him, was to be the parent that he -should- be to her. He really didn't seem interested in taking such a role. Even though he had seen her a few times over her 14 almost 15 years...it didn't constitute a parent.
Before I went into the court room, I was pushed. Saying "take all of his rights away" and so on. He doesn't have any legal right to D, that was lost in 2002, when he didn't show up for court. The judge put everything in my hands.
I had all of these ideas, thoughts in my mind. People saying he's unfit, he shouldn't be allowed around her. Social Workers telling me he should not have time alone unsupervised. That going to where he lives would be detrimental for her mental health, her anxiety, her ADHD. That I was her voice, her only voice..
I never wanted to stand on the other side of the courtroom again. I didn't want it to go this way. Honestly, I have had enough of courts, court settings and so on.
I didn't want this EVER to go this far. I stood up in front of the judge and I told the truth. Inside I was SCREAMIN. I know this is what is in her best interest , but she doesn't have her biological father in her life. She stood up to him in July, and hasn;t spoken nor heard from him since. His choice, not hers.
When the order was set, all of the worries, the thoughts, the horrible ideas people had put into my head, just made me want to scream. I wanted to say no, let her figure things out. But no. Legally I had no choice. I never wanted the argument. I didn't want this bullshit back and forth. I just wanted her to have what her birthright was, to know who he is. She doesn't and still doesn't know to this day. She recalls little things here and there.
So many things people see as wrong. So many things. They will never know either. <3
I mean, she has contact with that side of her. Children don't ask to come into this world. They just command love. She has a ex-step father who loves her to bits and would do anything for her (and drives me literally up the wall doing it!@) but I am glad she has someone she can look up to.
I am just so disappointed that things went the way that they did. She'll be 15 in a matter of days, and this rings on the mind.
What if things had been different, ya know? What if he had taken a role?
I don't know, this just crosses my mind, each time a birthday passes of hers...and he isn't there.
People keep telling me that this is for her, this is in her best interests, and so on. I get it, he's not there. I cannot EVER be angry at him. Without him, I wouldn't have her. My first girl.
But wow... it stings. He should be in her life. He should be there. But, life, stiuations and stupid shit have gotten in the way.
Such is life/
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STOPNot much you can do about it when a parent doesn’t want anything to do with their child.
I know. It doesn't matter, I still feel horrible over this. She didn't pick him, I did.