I am not with you to tell about you but all I can say is never give up. God might be testing your loyalty and commitment.
Remember, Satan is the accusers of brethren who goes about seeking for who to devour. He is the one that look for loophole to accuse you when God released your testimony.
Also, God looks down upon laziness, but He shows mercy to hard work, you can accomplish many things with hard work.
When you’re in God’s will God will strengthen you daily and help you.
Follow the examples of Christ, Paul, and Peter who were all hard workers. Work hard, pray hard, preach hard, and study Scripture hard.
Rely on the Holy Spirit for help daily. I pray that you store these Scripture quotes in your heart for inspiration and help.
See this scriptures.
Colossians 3:23-24 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.
1 Corinthians 10:31 Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.
Romans 12:11-12 Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.
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God bless you.