I really like the message this poem carries...it needs a format tho... I like the end breaks on certain lines that help to create tension, but lets see about trying a format, like give spaces between certain lines to create more tension, as this is a poem that begs for tension. I will give an example..i will copy this poem and format it in a way and repost in in comment on here..and please doont take my words as insult. I am a creative writing major, and we workshop our writings all the time...
Okay, thank you for your input. It does all run together....
I now see your style more clearly. you broke it into tercets and following the rime scheme..
Thanks :)
Concur!