You should really check out the movie:
The first lesson:
boys, they refused to communicate with you
Yes, not in words. Just like training wild horses, you must understand their language. That's why men, as mentors, will help the boys better than mom.
So, what is mom to do?
- learn to communicate, not with words, but in their language
- find a mentor for the boys - from sports maybe?
In the movie, lesson one was Mrs. Miracle communicated in the boy's language right off the bat ...
And she continues.
In later lessons, she communicated in words but, also in the ways that the boys would accept - not confrontational or directly addressing the issues ...
Boys and men "do not like" (hate) others - girls, women and even mom - to tell them what to do.
Need to be subtle, indirect hints, or by body language or actions.
Watch the movie and learn.