Every Day Is Economic-Collapse Day [ Prepare Accordingly!!! ]

in #comedy8 years ago


I have bad news, people. Very bad. Like I have been telling you over the last years, today, as with every other day, “the system” will screw us over. The markets are about to collapse and chaos will overtake us. Virgins will be thrown into volcanoes and newborns will be sacrificed to the Gods of Forex. Beware!
 


But before that...

Panic!


Panic, damn it. Panic over the charts I am throwing onto your face. Look at the red bars plummeting and how disproportionate they are to the green ones. Observe how my random correlations rhyme with some other random parametres from the previous time the economy concluded a circle.
 



Buy metals because it’s a solid investment. I mean, you can feel this shit in your hand! All other commodities are manipulated. You hear me? All the rich guys that are controlling your life are buying metals. When the economic collapse happens because of those fuckers, you will have your precious metals and be in a marginally better position than the ones around you starving.
 
 

A new world (that is not going to be so different from this one) will emerge!

You will be rich!

You want to change the system?

Be part of it!

 

Did I mention that you should buy metals? Buy precious metals damn it! I bought some too. Store your precious metals in bulk. When the economic collapse happens you will be able to throw them at each other for defence purposes since exchanging them for vital commodities will be useless. Store your shiny things. Upon a massive collapse people would give you their food and supplies for your precious yellow bars. They will deepthroat them until their stomach reaches maximum capitalization.
 

>


Follow me as I deliver planetary doom. I am going against the sensationalist system by becoming the sensationalist system myself. I know the economy inside out. I can predict the market because of my superior telepathic powers that foresee trillions of economic transactions that go around every day. Who needs billion dollar supercomputers like those of Wall Street? I know better. My google-searched charts can connect the lines. The guys running the banks know nothing.


I have been telling you all these for over the last two years, guys.

Prepare

Like I have been telling you for so long…

Any minute now, any minute…

And when it happens...

BOOM!

I told you so!







Sort:  

Hahahahahahaha
Yes there is always people dying every day as there is people being born.
Everyday people are loosing money and other gaining money.
There is no question however that some days/weeks/months economies have much bigger downs and ups than normal.
No one ever knows what's going to happen for sure, but there are some who have proven to be quite accurate.
People are selfish and do/say things to further their agenda. It's easy to make money of people's fear.

very easy. suckers are everywhere (even here in steemit)

Yes~
Everywhere, including Steemit.

Lol omg almost crapped in my pants with the so much very bad red

:)

Reminded of Tenacious D
'looks like you fellas are fixin to take law in your own hands."
"No! We're going camping!"
Alls I'm sayin' is that it looks like you folks are plannin to overthrow the goverment and some of us folks are gonna give you the thumbs-up They're taxing the shit out of us and spendin' it on fluoridiation...Underground resistance.....it's real!"

'Let's blow this freaks mind with a tailored jam'
'The goverment totally sucks you motherfucker'

It was the "so little green" that got me. I dunno is 'goverment' was a typo but that adds to the hilarity. Damn goverment.

It's coming. The downfall is near. I'm not going to place the blame squarely on any group of people, but let's just say that the collapse will coincide with a certain religious/ethnic group's "holiday." Interpret that however you wish.

Subscribe to my newsletter to get the real inside info!

/joke

Could you do a parody or critique of anti-vaccination people? They are here on Steemit. Do they even know how a virus spreads? How they evolve? Humans are a virus, says agent Smith; Virus is smarter!

ofcourse. I was actually thinking about it along with the chem trail tin foiled ones (they are poisoning us!)

right now i am preparing a little something for the "positive thinkers" because they have really busted our balls with their bullshit.

In the meantime youve got a lot of good reads I can check out. Plus I dug up this gem:

Some people are unware that they can't escape nihilism. That their beliefs in cultural relativism, political correctness, and related acknowledgements of subjectivity, are actually a product of the post-christian nihilist age.

"God is dead. We are all Good"

Indeed, glad you enjoy my reads man. It takes balls to be a nihilist. Not many possess them.

Couldn't be post-Christian yet... they haven't brought on Armageddon yet!

This is the same mentality as the people who are constantly proclaiming the end of the world and asking you to buy their survival products.

exactly @theycryptofiend

I am so amazed people don't see the logic time after time.

Thanks for the hot tip!

I think I will cash out all my accounts and buy precious metals.

Your so kind to let us in on this investment secret.

Nice satire :)

glad you liked it.

This is fucking hilarious :D

glad you enjoyed it man

a good post-apocalyptic era would settle things for once.

If zombies, head North; they freeze

p.s Hoard water.

you should offer some advice to the "vigilante" :D

Brilliant - 24 carat advice!

have you got your tinfoil ready? :)

Sadly tin foil won't help. Aluminium foil on the other hand, makes a much nicer hat.

Buy aluminium! Sell tin!

I had inside information that the internet will be killed at 1st October, for real. That and red bars everywhere of course.

This post has been linked to from another place on Steem.

Learn more about linkback bot v0.4. Upvote if you want the bot to continue posting linkbacks for your posts. Flag if otherwise.

Built by @ontofractal

When are you running for office? The voices in my head said that I have to vote for you as soon as possible or the world will end . . . .

OH NO! Where did all the green go? Poor green people, they will suffer the most from this.

This is amazing

Where can I invest in precious Metals?? Btw I Love your post @kyriacos

Alex Jones has really brought this doom-porn to the forefront of the internet. One thing I learned listening to this garbage for 10 years is that they are good at making past predictions, 50/50 on current predictions (which is pure random chance), and rarely predict anything right concerning the future.